Friday The 13th? Valentine's Day?

For starters, I woke up at 4 a.m. because I heard some strange noises. I immediately thought someone had broken in.
However, instead of a gang of nefarious criminals stuffing my laptop into a pillow case, my husband was skulking around our living room, trying to set up a huge heart balloon, two big boxes of chocolate and a big vase of off-white roses.
The subsequent conversation went something like this:
Me: (groggily surveying the scene) What are you doing?
Him: (looking totally busted) Oh... *#&*@! Sorry you woke up! I was trying to surprise you for Valentine's Day.
Me: Valentine's Day? But that's not till tomorrow!
Him: It's tomorrow? *@#&@! I thought it was today! Are you sure it's tomorrow?
Me: (probably sounding annoyed) Yeah, I'm sure it's tomorrow! Today's Friday the 13th. Tomorrow is the 14th. Valentine's Day is the 14th every year...
Him: It's the 13th today?
I know, at least he tried. And now I have a LOT of chocolate to eat.
My husband wasn't the only one ready for Valentine's Day either. Both of my sons are having Valentine's Day parties at school this afternoon. In preparation for the festivities, they doused themselves in Emporio Armani as they were getting dressed. I was told, "Girls like boys that smell good."
Uh, yes, that IS true, but a little Armani can go a LONG way.
My five year-old even put on a dress shirt and his clip-on-tie. I don't know what he thinks is going down with his, "I have 279 girlfriends," self but I felt like I needed to have Outkast's "So Fresh, So Clean" playing on a boom box as we walked down the hill.
Unfortunately, two blocks from school, we encountered the positively-slizzard-at-7:30-in-the-morning lady. She staggered past us clad solely in red satin pj's and some house shoes. Her only accoutrement was a bottle of liquor in a paper sack.
Clearly, she was ready for round two of the party as she slurred out, "Happppyyyy Vaaah-lenzzzz..." before lurching past us.
My eldest is ever the good-hearted soul because he merely said, "Those were some pretty red pajamas, weren't they, Mommy? You'd like those!"
Mmm hmm, sure thing, baby.
Hours later, I'm staring at two boxes of chocolate that are whispering, "Come to us, Los Angelista! Eat us! We're delicious!"
I think I have enough willpower to avoid even opening those satiny red boxes from hell. I'll just wait for my husband and kids to get home and then they'll eat all that chocolate for me. That way my pants will still fit in two weeks.
I wonder if I get more presents tomorrow when it's actually Valentine's Day? Don't you think I should get more presents?* I sure do!
*Anyone who said, "No, you ungrateful heffa! You should be happy with two boxes of chocolate and some white roses!" is cursed with seven years of bad luck and is free to never visit this blog again. Happy Friday the 13th!
Comments
Thanks! I think it's gonna be awesome no matter what happens! :)
But I’ve no one to give any thing too …
Tomorrow, love him like this …
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHAMuefOZ5s
Aww...love that song. You need to have someone to give something to, but if I was in your shoes, I probably wouldn't either.
Good that husband wants to make a big fuss of you too. But two boxes of chocolates? Does he think you're a stick-thin supermodel? (In fact they probably avoid chocolates too) I'd like some off-white roses though....
This is not D's strong suit, even if he's very loving.
Have a wonderful day today! The story about your boys in Armani completely cracked me up.
May my best gift be a new car! LOL! :) All I hope for is that Drakkar does not come back in style by the time they get to high school! Guys in high school used to drench themselves in it!
Ingrid,
Ok, I like that... every Friday the 13th, no matter what month, I get some presents! :)
Nick,
My husband and the kids already have consumed half of each box. I got the honor of opening them, but after that, they got going on the devouring part. The funny thing is, because I know he loves chocolates, three days ago I got him a big box of REALLY nice chocolates, so he'll be swimming in chocolate!
Jen,
It's not my husband's strong suit either. Not at all. He sticks to the traditional gifts like chocolate and roses... I suppose I could put notes up that say, "I REALLY like marzipan and ranunculus!" but what would be the fun in that?
And those Armani boys...at the rate my sons like to gussy up for the ladies, they are going to need their own bathroom by middle school! I don't try to stop them though because their future wives will appreciate a guy who cares about his appearance and takes time to be clean for her. I just hope they don't go through some dirty grunge phase in the future!
But it's better than the other option; the scent of sporty wet animal. ; )
Happy Valentine's Day!
Oh, and be glad your boys aren't wearing Axe. God, that stuff is foul.
And I love that Outkast song. Your sons are too cute with their Armani and ties.