Friday The 13th? Valentine's Day?

It may be Friday the 13th but Valentine's Day is clearly in the air.

For starters, I woke up at 4 a.m. because I heard some strange noises. I immediately thought someone had broken in.

However, instead of a gang of nefarious criminals stuffing my laptop into a pillow case, my husband was skulking around our living room, trying to set up a huge heart balloon, two big boxes of chocolate and a big vase of off-white roses.

The subsequent conversation went something like this:

Me: (groggily surveying the scene) What are you doing?

Him: (looking totally busted) Oh... *#&*@! Sorry you woke up! I was trying to surprise you for Valentine's Day.

Me: Valentine's Day? But that's not till tomorrow!

Him: It's tomorrow? *@#&@! I thought it was today! Are you sure it's tomorrow?

Me: (probably sounding annoyed) Yeah, I'm sure it's tomorrow! Today's Friday the 13th. Tomorrow is the 14th. Valentine's Day is the 14th every year...

Him: It's the 13th today?

I know, at least he tried. And now I have a LOT of chocolate to eat.

My husband wasn't the only one ready for Valentine's Day either. Both of my sons are having Valentine's Day parties at school this afternoon. In preparation for the festivities, they doused themselves in Emporio Armani as they were getting dressed. I was told, "Girls like boys that smell good."

Uh, yes, that IS true, but a little Armani can go a LONG way.

My five year-old even put on a dress shirt and his clip-on-tie. I don't know what he thinks is going down with his, "I have 279 girlfriends," self but I felt like I needed to have Outkast's "So Fresh, So Clean" playing on a boom box as we walked down the hill.

Unfortunately, two blocks from school, we encountered the positively-slizzard-at-7:30-in-the-morning lady. She staggered past us clad solely in red satin pj's and some house shoes. Her only accoutrement was a bottle of liquor in a paper sack.

Clearly, she was ready for round two of the party as she slurred out, "Happppyyyy Vaaah-lenzzzz..." before lurching past us.

My eldest is ever the good-hearted soul because he merely said, "Those were some pretty red pajamas, weren't they, Mommy? You'd like those!"

Mmm hmm, sure thing, baby.

Hours later, I'm staring at two boxes of chocolate that are whispering, "Come to us, Los Angelista! Eat us! We're delicious!"

I think I have enough willpower to avoid even opening those satiny red boxes from hell. I'll just wait for my husband and kids to get home and then they'll eat all that chocolate for me. That way my pants will still fit in two weeks.

I wonder if I get more presents tomorrow when it's actually Valentine's Day? Don't you think I should get more presents?* I sure do!

*Anyone who said, "No, you ungrateful heffa! You should be happy with two boxes of chocolate and some white roses!" is cursed with seven years of bad luck and is free to never visit this blog again. Happy Friday the 13th!


Ian Lidster said…
Happy Valentine's Day to you and yours regardless how it unfolds and disregarding drunken women in red jammies. May it be wonderful for you my lovely friend.
Liz Dwyer said…
Thanks! I think it's gonna be awesome no matter what happens! :)
Anonymous said…
Los Angelista,
But I’ve no one to give any thing too …

Tomorrow, love him like this …
Liz Dwyer said…
Daniel, that song. You need to have someone to give something to, but if I was in your shoes, I probably wouldn't either.
Jameil said…
lol. may you get many many gifts! LOVE your fresh and clean baby! so fab. lololol. your boys are just getting their head start on being like those guys you know whose noses aren't as strong as ours drowning themselves in cologne. hilarity!
Ingrid said…
i love that he broke the status quo. he's starting a new tradition. you guys should do it every friday 13th!
Anonymous said…
Valentine's Day is one of those things you either love or loathe. Personally I love it, I'm a total slopbag and I always make a special fuss of Jenny.

Good that husband wants to make a big fuss of you too. But two boxes of chocolates? Does he think you're a stick-thin supermodel? (In fact they probably avoid chocolates too) I'd like some off-white roses though....
Jen said…
Wow... what I wouldn't give for a husband that planned, even for the wrong day, lol!

This is not D's strong suit, even if he's very loving.

Have a wonderful day today! The story about your boys in Armani completely cracked me up.
Liz Dwyer said…
May my best gift be a new car! LOL! :) All I hope for is that Drakkar does not come back in style by the time they get to high school! Guys in high school used to drench themselves in it!

Ok, I like that... every Friday the 13th, no matter what month, I get some presents! :)

My husband and the kids already have consumed half of each box. I got the honor of opening them, but after that, they got going on the devouring part. The funny thing is, because I know he loves chocolates, three days ago I got him a big box of REALLY nice chocolates, so he'll be swimming in chocolate!

It's not my husband's strong suit either. Not at all. He sticks to the traditional gifts like chocolate and roses... I suppose I could put notes up that say, "I REALLY like marzipan and ranunculus!" but what would be the fun in that?

And those Armani the rate my sons like to gussy up for the ladies, they are going to need their own bathroom by middle school! I don't try to stop them though because their future wives will appreciate a guy who cares about his appearance and takes time to be clean for her. I just hope they don't go through some dirty grunge phase in the future!
Devra said…
I only have one who is at the point in his life he feels he must have a scent. David Beckham is what he wears and sometimes he wears enough to represent our entire family, to include cousins and dead relatives.

But it's better than the other option; the scent of sporty wet animal. ; )

Happy Valentine's Day!
DJ Black Adam said…
Happy Valentines day to you and your family!
Lisa Johnson said…
Happy Valentine's Day! I hope you're enjoying your chocolate. ; )
Anonymous said…
Oh, I meant to say, the love hearts really take me back. I used to eat them all the time when I was a kid, wondering at my tender age what on earth all those strange messages meant. Can you still buy them?
Anonymous said…
I'd take chocolate and flowers any day of the year.

Oh, and be glad your boys aren't wearing Axe. God, that stuff is foul.
Anonymous said…
I have to admit, I too wouldn't turn down chocolate regardless of the day. Your boys sound too cute, and their cologne bath is now making me grateful for my 4 year old's sudden dislike for all things girl (unless they are his best friend or favorite cousin he feels they shouldn't exist).
brunsli said…
Never a dull moment! You know life is good when your problems include your husband being too prepared, your son being too clean, and your other son being too optimistic. ;)
Shiona said…
You have a lot of willpower to turn down chocolate. I would eat loads of it (and feel it later). Hope you had a great V-day!
ha! Sounds like you had a great weekend.

And I love that Outkast song. Your sons are too cute with their Armani and ties.

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