Could You Tell It Was Veteran's Day Today?

I sat in a cafe this afternoon and wondered if anyone in the place was a veteran.

After all, today is Veteran's Day.

Something like 25% of LA's homeless population is comprised of veterans. Clearly though, not every veteran is living over on Skid Row in abject poverty. Those ones that decided they didn't want to rack up the savings at Macy's awesome Veteran's Day Sale were probably getting all the recognition they needed at trendy little cafe's with profound names like "Intelligentsia".

I'll admit, there were no signs in the cafe proclaiming, "Thank you, Veterans, for risking your lives so we can enjoy our $4 lattes."

There weren't even any, "Free coffee if you got a cap busted in your ass somewhere overseas!" signs.

But maybe a couple of vets came into the cafe before I did and told them to take the signs down because they didn't want to draw too much attention to themselves. They probably wanted to sip that $4 latte and discuss the writer's strike in anonymity.

Yes, they must not have wanted to call too much attention to themselves, even though it's technically Veteran's Day.

I'm sure the tattooed up guys sitting across from me poring over photo shoot proofs probably just got back from Iraq.

The woman who seemed like she'd forgotten to put on a bra had to have been chasing Osama in Afghanistan this time last year. She was probably risking her life in barren terrain, so she should have the luxury to yap into her cell phone about how her boyfriend is an, "F-ing cheater," but she can't leave yet because the, "Sex is sooo hot. Like every night!"

Yes, even though I couldn't tell at all that it was Veteran's Day today, that doesn't mean the veterans around me felt at all slighted or unappreciated.

I'm sure they just were glad to have a day off to relax, shop, sip coffee and be cool...just like me.

To Enhance Or Not To Enhance...That Is The REAL Question

OK, I'm out on the town in Breast-Implant Land, I mean, LA. Did I mention that I'm on vacation this week? Well, I am! Thank goodness for vacation because I was singing DMX songs in my head last Friday. I'm at The Grove, everyone's favorite outdoor mall/pseudo community on 3rd and Fairfax. The rest of my family is next door at the theatre watching the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie. Yeah, sorry, but I had to pass on that one. I've been strolling around outside and I just walked by the Victoria's Secret so here's another bra-related question:

What's up with the plethora of padded and push-up bras available?

I mean, do most women really want the average man (or woman) staring at their chests? Ladies? Tell the truth. I'll tell you my truth: I think it's annoying and insulting and I wish I could use a red-hot poker or an acid-filled water-gun on the offenders. I know, I'm supposed to ooze sex appeal, have my ta-tas jumping out of my shirt, and not worry about whether or not I'm being taken seriously at work or anyplace else. --On the other hand, maybe I should try wearing a push-up AND padded bra at work. Maybe I'll get a promotion or something.

Seriously, come on. If you've got the padded/push-up thing going on, once you take that thing off, somebody's gonna know all that cleavage wasn't really you. And, since I'm married and believe that a present for my honey equals a new pair of underwear, (they really don't buy them for themselves) I know that padded boxers and briefs aren't available in mainstream department stores.

Nope, men don't roll around wearing gel-enhanced underwear to make themselves look more physically endowed. Or, if you're a man and you do that, I'm sorry, but there's a possibility that you're still mentally in the eighth grade.

We women, alas, we've drunk the kool-aid that's been trickled down our throats. We've been brainwashed into believing we are less than worthy if our breasts aren't gigantically standing at attention at all times...but, don't get me wrong, I'll be the first to admit, if you need a bra, please wear one.

And now I'm off to observe some non-undergarment related activities...like the guy sitting to my left here in the Barnes and Noble. He just dropped his half-eaten cookie onto the floor and instantaneously picked it up and started eating it. I don't even think he's aware that he did it.

It's a sure sign...he must have kids.