The "I Want" List

I was talking to a dear friend last week and she told me how someone recommended to her that she make a list of what she wants. My friend suggested that I also make this list and I'm finding that it's turning into an impossible task for me.

I know how to make lists of things to do. Some days, like today, the list of things I needed to do seemed endless. I crossed off the mundane things like "go to grocery store" and "renew library books". Yet for every item I crossed off, something else seemed to be added. And I kept wondering if everything I was crossing off had anything to do with what I really want.

So, I pulled out my journal and wrote at the top of a page, "What I Want". At first I wrote things like, "A pair of stilettos with metal heels," and "A personal trainer." But after I got past those sorts of surface level wants, the crickets started chirping.

I've come to the conclusion that I don't know how to make lists of things I want.

Naturally, after my massive list failure, I spent some time today psychoanalyzing myself reflecting on the process. One huge problem with making this list is that I know there's a part of me that truly believes what I want most I cannot have. And so I wonder, what's the point of making this list?

Even with small things, I think about how what I want is irrelevant or not going to happen. For example, I may want my husband to put his dirty dishes in the sink. It would be very nice to not see a knife covered with peanut butter and jelly on the kitchen counter after he makes himself a sandwich because it pisses me off like you wouldn't believe. But if he doesn't want that too, well, seriously, what's the point or my wanting that? Should I then change what I want to, "I want to not be so angry about a dirty knife on the counter?"

It also feels so selfish to make a list of what I want. When my friend first suggested that I make this "I want" list, the very first thing I told her was that I knew it would be hard for me since, "Who cares what I want? Life isn't about me."

Technically, that is true. In the grand scheme of things, my individual desires and wants are not the end all be all of planet Earth. We've already got too many people sitting around only thinking about their own individual desires. On the other hand, when I think about it, my saying that explains so much about me and the way I've lived my life that it's a bit horrifying.

I'm going to take another crack at this list tomorrow because I'm not a quitter, even when something is difficult. But what about you? Have you ever made an "I Want" list?

Los Angelista's A to Z

This morning while I was over at the fabulous 1969's blog, I saw she'd made a list of herself from A-Z. She got the idea from an interview with Halle Berry in InStyle magazine. I told her I was going to steal it because it just looked like a LOT of fun. Plus it's sunny and 80 degrees here in LA and I can't concentrate on much else! I have all my windows open and there are two hummingbirds singing away. Gosh, I love Los Angeles. So here's me from A to Z. At least, for today it is!

A-Adam-12: Adam 12 is my teddy bear that I've had forever. I don't know how long I've had him but it must've been since I was a baby. My children are a bit afraid of him because he has no mouth and a bad leg. But he's a secret agent and he's been on a lot of spy missions over the years so he has the right to look a little jacked up. Plus he has no mouth because he's gotten a lot of kisses from me. Not that kissing me means you necessarily end up, with, er, no mouth...

B-Ballet: I studied ballet until I was 16. I loved dancing in my pointe shoes. I wish I'd never quit. I regret that.

C-Chai: I looove chai! Some people say, "I need a drink," when they feel stressed. I don't. I say, "I need a chai." I don't mind drinking it when I'm not stressed either. But since it doesn't come cheap from Coffee Bean or Starbucks, I'm trying to perfect my at-home chai brewing recipe.

D-Depeche Mode: My favorite band in the whole world since I was a young lass that tied boys to trees and beat them with sticks. I probably sang "Just Can't Get Enough" to my victim as I whacked him. Hmm. That makes it sound like "D" should stand for "Dominatrix", doesn't it?

E-Ears: I didn't get my ears pierced till I was 18. I have a very low tolerance for pain so after getting the left ear pierced, I almost didn't want to get the right ear done. But I figured that would look a little odd so I sucked it up.

F-Facebook: I was so resistant to Facebook but I've gotten to reconnect with so many people I'd fallen out of touch with. It is sort of awkward though when folks I don't really know request to be my friend. And just because we chatted once three years ago, that doesn't mean you know me. I just ignore these requests and I feel guilty about that. Maybe I should just send the person a message and tell them, "Hey, I don't think we can be Facebook friends because if my car broke down on the side of the road, I couldn't call you!" But I'm too chicken to do that.

G-Gentleman: The older I get, the more I see the value of a man knowing how to be a gentleman. And I see the value of mothers and fathers training their sons to become gentlemen.

H-Hair: I haven't straightened my hair since July of '07. I'm going to cut the straight parts off when my sister comes out to visit me in April. It'll be the first time in my entire life that I'll have short hair but I'm looking forward to not having two textures on my head.

I-I Love You, Mommy: Every time I hear my sons say this to me, completely unpromted, my heart just melts. If those are the last words I hear, I'll die happy.

J-Justice League: I didn't even know what the Justice League was before I married my comic book addict husband. Sure I knew about Batman, Super Man and Wonderwoman, but Green Lantern? Hawkgirl? I had no clue. But now, I am a total Justice League convert. I might even be Hawkgirl for Halloween this year.

K-Kick Butt Cardio: Violet Zaki's "Kickbutt Cardio" DVD has really been kicking my, um, butt. I don't feel bad having a hard time getting through the workout because it's fun and besides, SHE has a hard time doing it. Every time Violet says she's about to keel over and die, for some reason, I feel better. I wish I could hire her as my personal trainer.

L- Leela Thai: Leela Thai's my favorite Thai restaurant in all of LA. They have the best red curry with tofu there. I used to order from them every Friday night but now I'm down to twice a month.

M-Memory: I have a terrible memory. The upside of this is that I've developed the habit of telling the truth because I can't remember what's true half the time, let alone any lies.

N-Narcissism: The reason why I'm doing this A-Z list. But don't worry, I won't fall in love my reflection in a pool of water.

O-Orlando Bloom. He's not the best actor on the planet but I don't really care about the acting. His name should be in the dictionary next to "Smokin' Hot Eye Candy". He's sooo hot, I even have a Legolas doll. Sometimes I take it down from it's place of honor on the shelf and... okay, I'll just stop that thought right there.

P-Pacifica's Spanish Amber. I've been wearing this scent for the past couple of weeks and gosh, it smells so good. I smell my clothes when I take them off because I like it so much. I want to get the candles too but it might be too heavy of a scent for summertime. We'll see.

Q-Queasy: I get queasy really easily. That Alice in Wonderland teacup ride at Disneyland is a nightmare for me. Riding in the passenger seat in a car is sometimes tough for me too.

R-Ranunculus: They're my favorite flower. I try to get them for myself at least once or twice a month and I once got them for free from a stranger at at the Trader Joe's on 3rd and Fairfax.

S-Santa Barbara: Will someone please just buy me a house up there? It's such a beautiful area. Okay, you can't afford a house? A small condo will do just fine. Email me and I'll send you my address so you can send me the key to my new digs.

T-Treasure Hunting. I used to read books about treasures found in lost cities and from shipwrecks. I wanted to be a treasure hunter for a while there. Now I just settle for watching movies like "National Treasure" and "The Goonies".

U-Underwears. My four year old likes to strip his off and run around the house yelling, "Mommy, I don't have on any underwears!" One of these days he'll stop saying "underwears" and instead it'll just be "underwear". And I'll feel sad because I'll know my little wild boy is growing up.

V-Virtus Sola Nobilitas: Also known as "Virtue is the only nobility". It's my family motto. Love it. I even have a key chain with the motto on it.

W-Winter: Did I mention that it's 80 degrees here? Yeah, I love winter in Los Angeles. And now I'm going to listen to "Love Like Winter".

X-Xavier Gold: One of my favorite old-school house tracks is "You Used to Hold Me" by Ralphi Rosario and Xavier Gold. Xavier Gold is the singer and wow, she can SANG!

Y- Youth: I've always liked the Sophia Loren quote about the fountain of youth:

"There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age."

Z-Zebra: I used to get called "zebra" all the time by mean children who teased me for being half white and half black. I'll never forget how mean those kids were. I know many of you got called names for a wide variety of reasons. Hopefully we each know better than to call other people names because we know how awful it feels.


A-Z, that's me as of today, the 27th day of February! I encourage you to try making this list because it was really fun. I would tag some of you and turn it into a meme, but I'll let you tag yourself. If you decide to do this, let me know.