The Drill Is No Thrill

Ow.
I'm in pain.
My mouth hurts.
Seriously.

And that's my poem for the day.

Just kidding. Sort of.

If you're a newcomer to this blog, you may not know that prior to this year, I never had a cavity. Well, even if you read this every day, it's not like you remember obscure details from my life...

Anyway, I used to feel SO superior when I could boast, "Nope. I've never had a cavity in my entire life." Never ever. Not even an itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny yellow polka-dot bikini one.

All that's over now thanks to the pesky x-rays revealing my SIX special friends hiding out between my teeth. Yeah, those little back stabbing cavities...They set up shop in my mouth unbeknownst to me, and what kind of thanks do I get? They snitched to the x-ray machine and got me sentenced to time with a drill!

Believe me, dental floss and Listerine have become my new BFFs.

Yeah, OW. I'm telling the truth about this pain thing. After today's drill and kill (the cavities) session, I absolutely disagree with Three Days Grace and their song, aptly titled "Pain". 3DG must not have had any cavities filled recently if they're singing, "Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all". Me, I prefer feeling nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zero.

I want no pain when I'm at the dentist.

I'm telling you, if I felt that drill even a teeny tiny bit, I was raising my hand and acquiring additional shots of lidocaine to the jaw. I got so numb that I couldn't even feel anything from my right ear all the way to my lips. And who knew that applying lipstick to numb lips was so impossible???

I found that I sort of like the numb feeling. It's actually rather pleasant. I rather felt like I could go to sleep and leave my insomnia behind me...but instead I got in my car and drove from Beverly Hills to downtown LA. I don't really know exactly how I got to my office, but I guess "The Human Mapquest" went on autopilot because I didn't crash.

I know that scientifically, anything with that "caine" ending is a sibling to our friend cocaine...so it's probably a good thing that I've turned down cocaine on the few times it's been offered to me. I'd probably be hooked, tout de suite. And if nothing I'm writing right now is making sense and you think I've lost it, hey, I can blame it on the dental d.r.u.g.s.

Truly, I'm not myself. One, I haven't been able to talk very much for most of the day. And a pox on you if know me and you're actually happy about this. Two, I'm also pretty hungry. Unfortunately, I can't open my mouth wide enough to get a forkful of anything past my lips. A couple of people have suggested that this may be a good way for me to lose weight. Yeah, um, thanks.

Some people really know how to kick a sista when she's down...

Ok, I'm going to go listen to the most appropriate song for the moment, by the Pet Shop Boys. Can't wait till I can actually open my mouth to sing along, "What have I, what have I, what have I done to deserve this?"

All That Happens In A Week

Seven whole days. Hello again, dear blog world.

This week whizzed by, I worked a whole lot, and before you know it, it's another Sunday and I realized I haven't written here at all. I sometimes get amazed by how quickly it all goes, how quickly time passes. I don't know why that's the case, but I suppose I still remember those days from my childhood where a week seemed like an eternity for something to happen. So, here's a few things that happened to me this past week:

Barack Came to LA: I really wanted to go to the Barack Obama rally this past Tuesday afternoon. I know that thousands of people went to it which is pretty cool given that it was at two in the afternoon. Why did thousands come out? Well, we all know Barack's inspiring. He's smart. He's got vision. He dresses better than Hillary Clinton. And...(drum roll please!) the real reason some folks probably showed up... he's really hot! The man is seriously good looking and I would have liked to go just to see if he's as smokin' in person as he is on my tv screen. Alas, I had a meeting I couldn't get out of but he got good press in LA.

El Rocker Disses Annie Lennox: At first my youngest son would sing along to Red Hot Chili Pepper songs in the car. Next, he started belting out "Smells Like Teen Spirit" for no good reason. Then, his Aunty Kye got him a soccer ball-shaped acoustic guitar. Now, I have a bonafide rock star in my house.

When we're at home, that guitar is strapped on El Rocker at all times. I get demands like, "I wanna watch rock videos." The more theatrical the performers (30 Seconds to Mars, I'm talking about you) the more he likes it. The other night I was watching Vh1 Classic and the video for the Eurythmic's "Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)" comes on. I'm reliving the good ole days of the 1980's, singing along and having a great time. Is El Rocker singing along? Oh no, this is what he had to say:

El Rocker: Who's she?
Me: That's Annie Lennox.
El Rocker: She needs a guitar. Yuck. Turn it off, mommy! Turn it off!

I decided that I hate those eHarmony.com commercials: "I love everything about him. She's perfect just the way she is." And then the in-love couple stares at each other and kisses. Oh please. Does that sound like the "honeymoon" phase of love or what? Sure, you can say that when you're on a tv commercial and you're being paid to say that. You say that when you've been with the person for two years not ten and they haven't left a half eaten bowl of ice cream out on the coffee table overnight. And then there's the creepy founder of it all, Dr. whatever his name is... I'll just stop there.

Rain +LA = Traffic Disaster: It rained on Thursday. Not the light sprinkle type thing we've been getting but a real ground-soaking rain.

Pros of the rain: My car is clean again. The plants needed water and they got it. Now, lets move on to...

Cons of the rain: People here cannot drive in rain. It's like there's an unwritten law that the minute it starts raining, everybody forgets to turn on their headlights and they start to drive faster and more recklessly. And then they slam on their brakes, skid all over the place and crash into each other. Traffic turns into a real nightmare. How bad, you wonder? Well, I had a meeting out in Huntington Park on Thursday afternoon. It took me an hour and fifteen minutes to get there from downtown, normally a half hour trip, and on the way home, almost two hours...and it would have been much longer except that I finally gave up on the freeway and jumped on surface streets.

Lucky Number Six: I went to the dentist on Friday morning and, for the first time in my life, I have cavities. In fact, I have six cavities. Oh sure, they're all really teeny-tiny ones but I was depressed all afternoon. I liked being able to say that I didn't have any cavities at all. And now that's over. Sob. It must be the soy chai's I've gotten addicted to over the past year.

So, Sunday rolls back around again and the most important thing of all happened to me this morning, but I won't tell you about it. Thankfully, there' s no rain in the forecast. No clouds in the sky, only the clouds in my heart. Tonight is the Oscar's. I honestly don't know if I will watch or not. I'm still suffering from post traumatic stress disorder over Three-6-Mafia winning for best song last year.

Regardless, I solemnly swear to see you all tomorrow.