And the Award Goes To!

I can't believe I watched tonight's wick-wick-wack Golden Globe awards special.

The "correspondents" for "Extra" were the hosts and seriously, an hour of Billy Bush is more than I can take. Forget waterboarding as a form of torture. The CIA should just tie some of their prisoners up and made them watch Billy Bush on repeat for three days. At the end of that, even the most hardened James Bond would confess to whatever the CIA wants.

I mean, we all know that awards shows are only nominally about the movies. Nowadays, they're more about seeing what outfits celebrities wear and seeing Jack Nicholson grinning into the camera. So I think they should have just made a cool website and posted the winners. Or maybe put up a site with pictures of gowns they think the female nominees might have worn.

I will say though that as much as I missed seeing the gowns and seeing Johnny Depp on stage winning his first Golden Globe ever for Sweeney Todd, I was consoled that the entire thing was over in an hour.

Oh, and another great thing was that "Atonement" won for Best Motion Picture, Drama. I loved the book and the movie was fab as well. I've seen most of the movies that were nominated for best drama and Atonement is still the one I'm thinking about the most even though it's been around six weeks since I've seen it. I think you should go see it, but be prepared to cry.

Another word of warning: the sparks fly between Keira Knightley and James McAvoy. I mean, they really fly and you need to remember that if romance is done right, it's almost always better in a movie than it is in real life. So, if you're woman and you're in a relationship and you think it's happy and loving, well, at some point after you see this film, you're going to wonder why your man isn't more James McAvoy-ish.

Just remember, even James McAvoy isn't like his character, Robbie Turner, in real life. So, try to be happy you actually do have love because not everyone does.

And if you're in a relationship and it's not going so hot, chances are that after seeing "Atonement" you will thoroughly hate your significant other and quite possibly decide that you need to end things. You're going to wonder why you don't have someone looking at you like that, kissing you like that, longing for you like that. And it's going to depress you and piss you off.

Anyway, in the spirit of awards, I've been awarded a couple, each from bloggers that I respect immensely. The first is the "A Roar For Powerful Words" award from Heart in San Francisco over at Guilty With an Explanation. Heart is one of my favorite bloggers and one of the ones I've been reading the longest. I was really grateful on the day that "next blog" button led me to her.

I'm going to pass this award along to Shelly at Boring Black Chick. She is, of course, incredibly interesting and reflective, all which serves to make the title of her blog highly ironic. Every time I read her blog, something resonates with me...and she's a much healthier eater than I am. I wish I could switch places with her for a day so she could train my body to not be interested in either Coke Zero or chocolate.

Ian over at Or So I Thought has also bestowed upon me the "You Make My Day" award. This is very generous of him and if I could give it back to him, I would. But that probably violates some sort of rule book.

I also think I'm supposed to give this to ten people, but this awards show is already running long, sooo....we have two awardees:

I'm giving this award to Keith over at African American Dad. He's proof that, despite the things we're taught by the mainstream media, there are black fathers that married to the woman they love and are actively raising their child. I love reading about his adventures with his son.

I'm also giving it to Sally over at Any Given Sundry. I've been reading Sally's blog for a long time and I love it. She lives here in Southern California and she takes a picture every day. This would be painful if she were a boring photographer, but clearly, that's not the case. She's also a fantastic writer so she provides some commentary and context about the photo. I love this because even though we've never met, I feel like I truly know her.

Well, that's the end of tonight's awards! I'd really like to see Johnny Depp on stage at the Oscars instead of a photograph of him on my TV screen with Billy Bush saying something inane. Let's all hope the studios end the greedy stonewalling and agree to pay the writers what is rightfully theirs.

Ten Questions

It's been a long week and I'm feeling grateful to get to Friday. It's such a luxuriously slow night that I'm thinking about all the random things I've wondered about this week. I can't help but wonder:

1) Why oh why did The View hire Sheri Shepard and her wig collection?


2) Whatever happened to that Runaway Bride girl? Remember her, the bug-eyed one?


4) Why are 70% of black women single?

5) How come I'm not independently wealthy and living in a villa in the south of France?


6) Why do people still try to say Barack Obama is a Muslim? And if it turned out he was a Muslim, do you think most of those who are his supporters would still be in his camp?


7) Today I was really grateful for that "free" Rolling Stone subscription. How does Johnny Depp stay so ridiculously hot?

8) Why oh why is there going to be a Flavor of Love Three?
9) Why do I think all the other nations in the world are going to form a conspiracy, call in all the US debt all at once, and humble us for real?


10) How in the world did Christina Aguilera and Nicole Ritchie both have babies today? It just doesn't seem like Christina has been pregnant that long, and now that Nicole has had the baby, will she go back to looking skeletal?Yes, it's that kind of night. But if you have the answers to these or any other profoundly important questions, please let me know.

Dear Sweeny Todd

Dear Sweeney Todd,

I have come to the conclusion that I no longer live in Los Angeles, the City of Angels

Driving down Beverly Boulevard the other day, it's clear that this is now your town. It's the "City of Sweeney Todd".

Sweeney, how is it that you're managing to be everywhere?

I counted over 25 Sweeney billboards lining the five mile stretch of Beverly between Robertson Blvd. and Vermont.

Aren't you worried about overexposure?

True, each billboard comes with a nice swath of red. I think that's supposed to represent a splatter of blood. But I know you're misunderstood, Sweeney. Tell me, it's just you doing some free form painting, right?

Also Sweeney, I've read that you're some sort of a serial killer. In fact, they call you "The Demon Barber of Fleet Street". LA is a great place for you then because not only do we have a whole lot of "demon barbers" with their overpriced salons, most celebrity murderers get away with it in this town so don't worry about a thing!

I'm not sure if we have a "Fleet Street" though. I think the only "Fleet" folks here might be familiar with is the laxative kind. Oh, the ways some folks out here try to stay thin...

Despite this Sweeney, I have to be honest. I just don't know if you're really ready to take over LA.

I mean, you're really pale all over. Even your lips are bloodless. I know you're not Dracula so I'm thinking that pale problem could just be a crystal meth issue. Let me make you an appointment at a spray tan salon.

Besides, looking like you do, you need to start worrying that someone from Hillary Clinton's campaign is going to start a rumor that you're not only a drug user, but quite possibly also a drug dealer.

I mean, if they could insinuate this about Barack Obama, the most un-drug dealerly looking guy on the planet, what might Clinton's spin meisters do to you, Sweeney?

So, let's clean up your act!

I'll send you to the MAC store at the mall and you can fight it out with the teenagers over the concealer. Trust me, it's worth the money.

An added bonus is ff you flash your razor blades in the store, all the teens will probably think you're really cool and emo. Besides, half of them already think you're that guy from My Chemical Romance, Gerard Way.

Don't worry, Sweeney. I know Gerard's giving you a run for your money, but I think you're still winning the, "I look like death warmed over," race.

But if, while looking at Gerard's picture, you start to feel like the gray streak in your hair is a tad too aging for you, I'm sure we can hook you up with a colorist to just take your hair to a pure black.

And, um, it's not that I want you to stop feeling like yourself, but while we're at it, how do you feel about us borrowing your razor to cut some layers in your hair as well?

Your hair's also sort of frizzy and dry. What's up with that? Do you need someone to take it back to the old school and hook you up with a deep conditioning treatment and a dollop of Blue Magic?

I'm only telling you all this, Sweeney, because if you want me to go out with you next weekend you are going to have to get it together before then. I know it must seem odd that it's only the beginning of our relationship and I'm already trying to change you, but yeah, don't have me showing up to the theater for our date only to be embarrassed by your crazy self.

My ultimatum?

If you can't handle business and make yourself more presentable, I'll just go out with Kiera Knightly again like I did last weekend.

Didn't know about that, did you, Sweeney?

Yes, that's right! Kiera and I went to go see "Atonement" last week.

Sigh.

I just can't stop thinking about the two hours Kiera and I spent together. I even tried to get her to eat a sandwich but she turned me down.

Yeah, overall, I think I had a better time than she did, but she looked absolutely smashing in her green dress.

Now, Sweeney, don't be angry about me and Kiera. I'm just keeping it real with you. So you let me know what you want to do and get back to me as soon as I can..

Blowing you kisses and don't try to cut anybody with that razor,

Los Angelista

Everybody Comes To Hollywood

You ever notice how you can live in a city but never really take advantage of any of the cool things that tourists from around the world pay big bucks to come and see?

For example, when I lived in Chicago, I only went to the top of the Sears Tower once. In NYC, I spent a lot of time people-watching in Times Square, but I never went to the Statue of Liberty. And in neither place did I do those cool boat cruises. I get violently sick on boats. It's not pretty.

Here in LA, I live a hop, skip and a jump from the Grauman's Chinese Theatre and Hollywood and Highland (where the Oscar's are). I never go over there. I suppose it's like taking your own city for granted in much the same way we can take the loved ones we see every day for granted.

But this afternoon, I decided I was going to take my two sons over there to hang out.

Why today?

Well, I was talking with my kids about Batman and I knew there's a guy over there that dresses up like Batman. I told the kids we'd go see Batman and then they could ask him personally if he sleeps all day and stays up all night.

"Like a Dracula... or like Mommy," as my eldest said. Ahem, yes, except Mommy doesn't sleep all day, even if she stays up all night.

Sooo, we started out our adventure by taking the subway. After a short argument about whether or not we were going to be riding Thomas The Tank Engine, the ridiculously excited boys made a bit of a spectacle of themselves on the subway platform with their shouts of, "The train is coming!"

We exited at the Hollywood and Highland stop and took the three escalators up to the street level. As we emerged into a sea of cameras flashing and street performers, my eldest son took my arm and very seriously said, "Now mommy, we have to watch out up here because there are a lot of bad criminals and thieves. They're going to try to snatch your purse!"

Surprised, I asked him how he knew this. He gave me the, "Duh," look in response and told me that it was obviously a, "den of gangsters." He then paused dramatically and said the words every damsel in distress is waiting to hear, "Don't worry. I'll protect you."

My youngest was sure to clarify, "Not me. I'm too little."

Armed with that knowledge , we first wandered outside of Grauman's Chinese Theatre. I got to find out that Joan Crawford had really really small hands and feet. The kids put their hands and feet into the imprints of Bing Crosby, Jean Tierney and Cary Grant. They also got to talk to and take pictures with Batman, Captain Jack Sparrow, Superman and Supergirl.

Clearly, at three dollars per picture, Captain Jack is making a nice chunk of change. I don't hold it against him though. After all, he's probably paying too much in rent and playing Captain Jack might be his deepest wish. So good for him for following his dreams.

Sigh. I'm such a hopeless romantic.

In any case, after some quality time in the Virgin Mega Store - mega because they sell more music paraphernalia than music?- it was time to head home. We took a taxi instead of trying to brave the subway, and the walk home from it, at 8:00 at night.

And then we saw the footage about the tragedy in Minnesota. It is so sad and so heartbreaking. But, it also made me appreciate that I'd spent time with my sons and that we'd had such a wonderful time.

You never know how your life is going to change in an instant and whether or not you'll get the chance to do the things you keep saying you want to do, with the people you want to do it with.

So, what are we all waiting for?