Laker Night at the Gym

Silly me, I thought the gym would be abandoned tonight because of the Celtics/Lakers NBA finals game.

I was WRONG!

The gym was packed with folks cheering at the top of their lungs every time somebody made a basket, and then groaning like they ate some salmonella tomatoes when someone else missed a shot.

Most of the folks were cheering for the Lakers. I was not one of them.

Let me be clear: I'd heartily cheer for the Lakers if Kobe Bryant wasn't on the team. Unfortunately, he's still on the roster, which means, as things now stand, my dislike of Kobe supersedes any Lakers affection I might be able to generate. In fact, the entire time I've lived in LA, Kobe has been on the Lakers team, so I guess you could say I've never let the Lakers replace the Chicago Bulls in my heart.

It's not just his whole apres-surgery rape allegations and his subsequent shameful purchase of a $4 million dollar ring for his wife. No, my dislike of Kobe actually began way back in the days of the Bulls vs Lakers. Back then, Kobe's punkish behavior, his arrogance, and his trying to step to Michael Jordan like he was "all that" right out of high school made me cheer every time he missed a shot.

I've never seen any redeeming behavior from him. He's still that petulant, spoiled ball-hog brat that thinks he's the King of the NBA.

Uh, no Kobe. Back up off the crown. The King is still Michael Jordan.

Just think, if the Lakers had gotten rid of Kobe instead of Shaq, I'd be cheering. I'd even consider putting a Lakers flag on my car. Instead, I'm left saying to myself, "Hey, Kevin Garnett is from Chicago, I'm half Irish and I like to wear green and white year-round."

Now, If you think Kobe's the best thing since sliced bread... um, gosh, put down the crack pipe and slowly back away.

I know, major haterade, right? Especially from someone so peace-loving and, cough, gentle. Just trust me on this one. Nothing anyone says will ever get me to like Kobe Bryant. N-O-T-H-I-N-G! Even my kids know that to annoy me all they have to do is repeat his name.

"Ko-be! Ko-be! Ko-be!" By the third time they say it, I'm usually looking at them so evil that they shut up and slink away.

So, tonight, while everyone else was doing more Laker cheering than working out, I turned on my little treadmill TV to the Euro 2008 soccer game instead. Spain was handily wiping the floor with Russia and, ta-da, there was no annoying Kobe Bryant on my TV! AND, there's nothing like watching some smokin' hot footballers running around on a field to keep me going for three miles. It was probably the easiest run I've had in eons.

After my run, I went upstairs to lift some weights and discovered that there were ten minutes left in the game. Lo and behold, almost everybody had abandoned their various weight machines because they were standing around one of the ginormous flat screen TVs watching the Lakers trying to overtake the Celtics.

This was fantastic for me because I didn't have to wait to use anything! For that reason alone I hope this series stretches to seven games. If so, I will be in the gym taking advantage of everybody else's Laker distraction!

Tough Enough

I'm halfway through TV Turnoff Week and I'm still alive! In fact, the most TV Turnoff-resistant member of my family, my husband, has sort of gotten on board. In a show of solidarity, he's cut back significantly on his viewing, even while grumbling about it being the NBA playoffs.

How did this miracle happen? Well, it's a mystery to me because after Monday I didn't say anything else to him about the no TV thing. No evil looks. No self-righteous glances. I didn't even threaten to withhold sex or stop cooking dinner. Only the wives on the TV sitcoms I never watch do that sort of coercive crap, right?

While that's marinating in your mind, let me tell you how not watching TV is proving to be a lot easier than I thought it would be. Sure, some of it could be that I have the Internet as a backup form of entertainment, and where else but the Internet can I read insane stories that start off like this:

"Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft."

Uh huh. Not kidding. Penis theft panic hits city. Somebody make a sitcom out of that insanity instead of showing Seinfeld Friends Sex and the City Gossip Girl. I mean, do we really need yet another fantasy of life in New York City featuring nothing but white folks running around doing ignorant stuff (with nary a Boricua in sight)?

Yes, stepping away from the veil of cable news channels and reality TV has been good for my sanity. I mean, the Pennsylvania Primary was the other night and I didn't even get a headache because I wasn't listening to all the ridiculous commentary, half-truths, flat out lies and racist code language.

Speaking of racist code language, have you thought about why it is that Obama has to be the only black man in these 50 States, and however many U.S. Territories, that isn't "tough" enough? Strange as it sounds, the Congolese penis stealers/shrinkers got me thinking about how in our culture a man's penis size = masculinity = toughness. Why else would I get 200 "grow your penis 12 inches longer" emails every day?

That means the subliminal message is that a president needs a big penis (military aggression) in order to get the job done. But if I connect the dots, someone wants me to think Obama only possesses a small penis (words) and so he's not tough.

Should we attribute this small penis thing to the genes of his white mom? I mean, every other black man (with their ginormous penises) is sooo tough that folks are scared of them unless they speak really softly and do all the little things black men have to do to make sure their colleagues at work don't feel uncomfortable.

By the way, heaven forbid someone black gets accused of being militant at their job! That's the ultimate kiss of employment death -- which is tricky because if you're black, you can pretty much guarantee that someone at some point is going to try to discuss your company's diversity policy with you. They'll tell you it's to get feedback and see if the company's on the right track, but if you are stupid enough (or big penis tough enough?) to express that you don't think the diversity policy is adequate, well...

Anyway, right now, big penis militancy isn't the spin on Obama. The media sort of tried that, but it didn't quite work because Obama knows the "Must Not Make Uncomfortable" rules very well. He didn't bite the bait. That means that he gets sold as not "tough"and not "fully vetted" and he "can't close the deal", which is all secret code language for, "We're afraid of what that black man with his huge penis will do if elected."

When reporters ask him, "Senator Obama, what are your plans for your 100 days in office?" folks are really thinking Obama's going to secretly give all the black folks he says "hi" to on the street reparations for slavery. And after that he'll single-handedly impregnate all white women in America with his huge, black penis in order to create even more people who happen to have white ancestry but identify as black.

Okay, I'll stop being sarcastic because if this is your first time visiting, you might be thinking I'm totally crazy. (And, um, I plead the 5th on that one.)

I just wonder, how long America will act like all these racial code words and phrases don't bubble underneath our merry, Wal-Mart surface? The words and phrases are playing on a racial record I've been hearing since I was a child. The needle is skipping in the same place, over the same phrases, over and over again. I'd be a fool to act like I don't know what it all really means.

And I guess I can't laugh too much at the literal penis stealing story when we've figuratively got the same thing going on here. I guess that story doesn't sound too crazy after all.

Turn Off My TV

I like to watch TV.

I can sit and watch Rock of Love episodes of Masterpiece Theatre all night long. Then I might wander over to the History Channel where there's always some cool show about the total barbaric craziness that was Europe in the Middle Ages.

After that "The Breakfast Club" will come on and I'll feel compelled to watch it for the 1,406th time just so I can see Mr. Vernon yell to Bender, "Don't mess with the bull young man, you'll get the horns!"

Given all this, it may come as a surprise that I'm attempting to participate in Turn Off Your TV Week this week. It's not that I'm addicted to "American Idol" (I've only seen it once) or anything like that. But, it never hurts to put the brakes on the "idiot box". And I suppose I could read a book about the Middle Ages instead of watching a documentary, even if I sort of like those reenactments of the plague descending on Europe.

The week starts today and goes till the the 27th. My goal is to avoid turning on the TV at all, but I especially want to wean myself off of cable news and all reality shows on Bravo. Fortunately, the addictive train-wreck that was VH1's "Rock of Love" ended last night with the reunion show so I'm already finished with that. Whew, perfect timing.

I'm starting off strong since I did not watch the news at all this morning. That's probably a good thing because I can't take all the pre-Pennsylvania Primary hype. However, my efforts to not watch TV should get "interesting" because my husband is not participating with me. He said he doesn't see the point of it. I suppose I'll just go sit in another room when he turns on the TV -- and when I get really irritated with him, I'll just think about how he's the way he is because he's been a big TV watcher ever since he was a kid.

Hmm...this no TV thing can turn into self-righteousness in a heartbeat, can't it?

I suppose I have an advantage over him though. I didn't watch a whole lot of TV growing up and neither did my parents. My mom watched WGN's 9:00 morning movie if it was any good, then she'd sometimes watch the "Phil Donohue"show at 11. The only soap-opera I remember her watching was "The Young and the Restless", but even that wasn't an everyday thing.

We definitely watched "Masterpiece Theatre" -- I still remember the fabulous one about Lillie Langtry-- but other than that, the only shows we saw on a fairly consistent basis were "Fantasy Island" and "The Love Boat". Sometimes we had cable TV. Sometimes we didn't. Our lives just didn't revolve around TV. We could read, draw, paint, wash dishes or pull weeds in the yard, but we didn't just sit around and watch TV.

I figure not watching TV has to be a good thing for my kids. When I told them about this, they just wanted to know if they could still play video games. I think technically the week bans any kind of "screen time" but I'm trying to be realistic with this. I don't want a total mutiny in the house and besides, I'm going to see Kanye West tonight and I think the babysitter might freak if they can't play video games for a little while.

Another benefit of doing this no TV thing though is that maybe I can be totally honest next time I take my boys to the pediatrician. If you're not a parent, you may not know that every time you take your kids to the pediatrician's office for a checkup, they ask, "How many hours of TV a day does your child watch?"

I'm always the parent that says, "Um, ah, um, maybe one, unless it's Saturday and then they get to watch, cough, two hours." Nevermind that there are like six cable channels devoted to cartoons. Two hours (the maximum daily limit) is a good guesstimate of the time spent, right?

Parents claim that our children are barely TV viewers because we know that otherwise, we're on the "Irresponsible, Very Bad Parent That Lets Their Kid Get Babysat By TV" list. If you're on this list, you know your child will end up hyperactive, unable to concentrate and lacking in creativity. And then your child will be an all-around complete idiot as an adult.

I guess that's why when I go to the doctor, I never get asked how many hours of TV I'm watching. Maybe it's already assumed that my brain is fried and that I'm an idiot? Well, hopefully I'll be a smarter, more well-rounded adult at the end of this week and maybe my sons will be less likely to beg for Lucky Charms and the latest Lego Star Wars toys since they'll be unplugged from all the commercials.

So are you going to join me in turning off your TV too? C'mon, let's try to make it through the week together!

Jamie Lynn Spears: Statutory Rape?

Wowzer, 2007 is really going out with a bang!

If you haven't heard by now, Jamie Lynn Spears, Britney's little sister is pregnant.

I didn't see in the news how many soldiers died in Iraq today but I know all the sordid details of her pregnancy, particularly that Jamie Lynn is 16. I guess they've had Madonna's "Papa Don't Preach" on heavy rotation in that household.

I'd love to know where the condom was but good for Jamie Lynn that's she's decided to keep her baby. Really, I don't know why some in the media are acting like the girl's life is finished. I'm sure there are thousands of other 16 year-olds out there that are pregnant and they don't have the resources Jamie Lynn Spears has at their disposal.

Right now, I'm watching MSNBC where they're buzzing about whether Jamie Lynn's TV show on Nickelodeon, Zoey 101, is going to be canceled because of her pregnancy. After all, her image is supposed to be squeaky clean. They're debating whether or not Nickelodeon can legally fire her from the show and if they do, wouldn't that be some sort of wrongful termination or discrimination on the basis of her being pregnant?

I don't know about all that. I'm just waiting for these talking heads to bring up the fact that the father of her baby, her boyfriend, Casey Aldridge, is 19.

She's 16. He's 19.

So, isn't Casey having sex with Jamie Lynn statutory rape? Shouldn't someone be rolling up to handcuff him and cart Casey off to the big house? Or do laws like that only apply when black teenage boys like Genarlow Wilson get teenage girls to give them blow jobs on New Year's Eve?

Yes, 17 year-old Genarlow got ten years for having consensual oral sex with a 15 year-old girl. Just imagine how many years prison he would have gotten if that 15 year-old had gotten pregnant. Heck, he might have gotten life in prison or something.

Genarlow just got released this year, at the age of 21.

Since America is the land of equal opportunity, shouldn't Casey Aldridge get the opportunity to make friends with a jail cell?

I'm sure it'll never happen. After all, Casey's a nice boy from her church. No way he deserves to go to jail with hardened criminals, right?

If Dr. King Watched TV, Would He Still Dream?

Today's King Day holiday was not particularly jam packed for me. I worked out, played with my kids, took a nice nap, read for awhile and watched a whole lot of TV.

I started off by watching the Today show. I sat through stories on Ford models, nutrition myths and an argument over women choosing to have children outside of marriage, a concept called "choice moms". One guest went on and on about how it wasn't that big of a deal to not have a father in your life. I'll be sure to let all the people I know who grew up in single parent households know that.

Alas, an hour of Today show viewing passed by without me seeing any mention of it being King Day. A little while later, I flipped over to BET, you know, Black Entertainment Television, to see if they had any special programming going on. Nope. The usual stuff, "Rap City" and "The Jamie Foxx Show" were still the main attractions. BET couldn't even do a special on Dr. King's life, the civil rights movement, something?

Fortunately, I was saved from TV depression when I checked out Guess Who's Coming to Dinner on Turner Classic Movies. I love the hopeful ending to the film. It always brings a smile to my face...although I wonder what would have happened if Sidney Poitier's character had been less successful. I also wonder, what were the conversations between black women about the film back then? If those convos are anything like what gets said now, I can imagine a couple lovely ladies from my own family saying, "He wants her ditsy 23 year old behind? Oh please, it must be the blond hair. He's treating her like her ass is gold plated."

Also, back then would there have been the commentary that's often heard today about successful black men getting themselves the white trophy wife? I'll have to ask my mom about that next time I talk to her, especially since when the movie came out, she'd already embarked on her own relationship that crossed the color line.

I wonder what Dr. King would think about so many black folks winning at tonight's Golden Globes? Would he think his dream is getting put into place since shows with diverse casts such as "Ugly Betty" and "Grey's Anatomy" are winning awards? Those shows winning puts a smile on my face. After all, I remember how when I was growing up, the only time I saw black people on TV was when Soul Train was on. We never saw Asians or Latinos on TV. Just think, twenty years ago, we would all have been denied the pleasure of licking the TV screen when Mohinder, the character on "Heroes" played so skillfully by fellow Chicago native, Sendhil Ramamurthy, comes on.

Then the remote found the show "I Love New York" over on Vh1. New York, in case you did yourself a favor and refrained from watching "Flavor of Love", is the pretend name of the girl that Flavor Flav rejected twice. She now has her own show where she has 20 men trying to see if they can have sex with her, but we're supposed to believe they're competing for her affection. If you haven't seen this show, believe me, it's a train wreck. Dr. King is turning over in his grave and shouting, "This was not the dream I envisioned!"

Speaking of dreams, sometimes I get a little annoyed on MLK Day because all anyone wants to talk about is that quote, "I have a dream". I'll bet most folks haven't listened to that speech in it's entirety ever. I have to give a special shout out to LAist for putting the speech up on their site and giving me the first real feeling all day that it was actually the birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King.

If you'd like to, check it out, thanks to YouTube. What a better world this would be if we knew about this speech (and lots of other stuff) through our own knowledge, not just through what other people say about it. I haven't watched the speech for a couple of years and it was incredibly inspiring to watch the whole thing over again. I wish I'd come across this speech on TV today.

But I didn't. Maybe TV networks don't think it'll get the blockbuster ratings of the "White Rapper Show". The sad thing is, they're probably right.