Denny's Free Grand Slam Was A Bust

Did you try to go to Denny's today to get your free heart attack on a plate?

Clearly, Denny's strategy of advertising a free Grand Slam breakfast during the Super Bowl paid off because half my neighborhood was lined up outside my local Denny's this morning. They even had security in the parking lot, directing cars. (Can Trader Joe's take a cue and do this so that my local hipsters are not reduced to Christian Bale-worthy parking lot tirades?)

Indeed, I totally planned to be one of the lemming-like masses getting my free food, even though I don't eat half the items served in the Grand Slam. You see, as a vegetarian, I don't do the bacon or sausage. But that's OK because I'm sure the calorie count on the eggs and pancakes alone is enough to power two Los Angelista's through a morning! (I live in LA. I must think of pithy things such as the calorie count of free food.) Plus, given that seven pounds evaporated from my frame last week, I think I have some wiggle room.

After seeing the line that was snaking out the door and down the block, and being told that the wait was an hour and a half, I had to abandon my quest for free food. How could Denny's get my hopes up like this and NOT have seating for hundreds of free-food seeking people???

Tears of disappointment flowed down my cheeks as I realized I was yet another Angeleno whose dreams have been crushed by this cruel, over-crowded, Beelzebub-worshiping town!

Hopes dashed, I meandered over to Coffee Bean for some absolutely, positively not free chai. Oh and I got ogled in line by some weirdo who looked like Ted Bundy's massively psychotic step brother. Just fabulous.

Never fear, my quest for free food in February isn't over. IHOP is giving away free short stacks of pancakes on February 24th in exchange for a donation to a children's hospital. If Denny's can't make my free food dreams come true, maybe IHOP can!


allison sara said…
my favorite free food is free cone day! Ben & Jerry's, and a local store, JP Licks -- yum!
Liz Dwyer said…
I've never managed to catch a free cone day at B & J's. I'll have to watch out for that one.
Anonymous said…
First time visit via Guilty with an Explaination.Love your description of things. I've been chuckling through past posts.Pancakes never really took off here in Aus. Now the good old Aussie BBQ with tomato sauce and buzzing flies - that's another story!
Anonymous said…
As much as I like pancakes and eggs (no bacon or sausage for me either!), I wouldn't stand in line for long just to get a free breakfast. Not worth it.
Ms Angela said…
Liz, you have made my day! Denny's Grand Slam campaign has provided me with a clear sign that recovery from long term, acute food addiction is seriously working! I watched the Superbowl (well, the third and fourth quarters because I was outside playing hybrid football/soccer with my grandson during the first two quarters), and even though I saw the Denny's ad, it did NOT register in my brain! I didn't even THINK about trying to get to Denny's for that artery-clogging breakfast!

I didn't even have Superbowl food at my house, which always made me pass out on the couch before the fourth quarter. And that was from the food. I don't drink alcohol.

Anyway, my condolences to all of you who missed out on the free food. But as a friend of mine always says, free food isn't free. There's always a cost, hidden or not so hidden. Be thankful that you aren't dealing with a food hangover, bloated and sour tummy, and a cholesterol count that's so high that you have to go on Lipitor and Beta blockers!

Did I notice the earth trembling lately? Must've been folks from all points U.S.A. with that added poundage as they came rolling out of Denny's! (Yes, I am a stinker!)
Shiona said…
I was sure that was a joke. But that line of people said it all. Oh to be looking at the lines at the two Denny's here in Lancaster... I LOVE IHOP and that's for a good cause. I could eat pancakes all day.
Tafari said…
I wanted to go get my grand slam but I wanted it to go. Good thing I called up there to check. I cannot bear to sit & eat at my local Denny's because it smells like old people ass & cigarettes.

Anonymous said…
LOL! My fear of calories AND the fact that I've never eaten Denny's kept me away from the lines and munching on strawberries and yogurt instead.

Gotta think about skin season - it's right around the corner ;-)
Miriam said…
lol @ heart attack on a plate!
Liz Dwyer said…
Welcome! So glad you came by to visit! Pancakes were my favorite food for a long time, but I suppose if I'd grown up in Australia, I'd prefer the BBQ! :)

No, not worth it for me, but I kept thinking/hoping that a bunch of homeless people would get fed a good hot meal today at Denny's!

Haha! You're right, there is a hidden cost, always. I can't imagine feeling all that great if you eat the whole Grand Slam, especially not if you eat it on a regular basis. The thing that keeps me from enjoying the pancakes at places like Denny's and IHOP is that they serve fake syrup, which tastes bad to me, and I prefer the taste of whole wheat pancakes. I meet a lot of people who hate the taste of real syrup/pancakes because they've been trained to like the fake stuff!

I could eat pancakes all day too! I used to try when I was a kid!

Can you imagine if they'd had to-go? It would've been even more crowded. And y'all still don't have a smoking ban?

Yes, it is right around the corner, and this hot weather won't let us forget it, will it? I don't mind Denny's once in awhile, and the kids definitely like it, but if I'm going to a diner, and going to eat all those calories, I'm all about House of Pies. It just tastes better.

You know it is! I think they soak their eggs in grease! I always ask for the scrambled dry when I go there.
Anonymous said…
Los Angelista,
Lets see here ... 2 hours of my life waiting in line for a $3.99 free gag-feast. Hmmmm ... maybe just my time alone might be worth more than that.
Tafari said…
A smoking ban in MI has been up for consideration 3 times & nothing yet. Makes me made.
Hey I didn't try but I considered it. I thought I could best use those 2 hours by calling and emailing politicians to get that darn stimulus bill ready for Obama's signature and worrying that masses of us are gonna get screwed over. So some pancakes and bacon wasn't going to stem that tide! Now wheat germ or flax seed pancakes would've been fine.
1969 said…
Seven pounds is great. Who needs Denny's?
Ian Lidster said…
Once in a San Diego Denny's I ordered their "Breakfast for smaller appetites." I almost had a coronary looking at all the stuff on my plate. For their "Breakfast for larger appetites" they would have needed a forklift to bring it out.
Lisa Johnson said…
Thanks for the heads up about IHOP! Hopefully you'll get your free pancakes. I might just make it over there too. : )

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