Pink Heels in the Heat

It was no-joke hot in Los Angeles today.

I stopped keeping track of the temperature after it passed 100 degrees. After a certain point, hot is just hot and it's time to just start downing sugar free popsicles and glasses of iced tea lemonade.

It was scorching from the moment the sun came up so instead of running at the park like I normally would on Saturday, I went to the gym. I guess they were trying to conserve energy or something because the air conditioning seemed to be on "low". As a result, it was super hot and musty in there. I ran my four miles on the treadmill and halfway through, I felt like I could be in one of those Gatorade ads where the person is dripping with sweat, it's beading all on their body and their hair is all soaked... ok, I'll stop describing it for you. Just know that it made me feel like a real athlete!

By the way, have I mentioned that I decided I'm running the LA Marathon on March 1, 2009? Yessiree!!! 26.2 miles, here I come!

Running a marathon is another thing on my list of things I want and it has been for awhile. I tried to train for the LA Marathon like six years ago but I couldn't keep up with the runs. But now I don't have a nine month old baby or a psycho work schedule like I did back then. I officially start training in August but, in the meantime, I'm having a good time just getting back into running on a consistent basis.

Anyway, at least the heat was good for something. I dried all my laundry on the clothesline and it was crispy in less than an hour. I took the nice, crispy clothes, did some more packing for my trip, and then zipped out to a shoe store and acquired these:
Yes, they're pink high heels. They're so '80s throwback and I've been strutting around in them all night. Chalk the pinkness up to the heat because even now, it's 11:30 at night and it's STILL an unholy 79 degrees. Some neighbors across the street are trying to keep cool by sitting out on their front porch and having a drunken sing-along to the Purple Rain soundtrack.

I'll bet none of them was even born when it first came out.

Nonetheless, they're belting out "I Would Die 4 U" right now. They're sooo off-key that I want to yell back, "Then die already!" but that would be mean, right?

Maybe they need some pink heels for this heat too?

Laker Night at the Gym

Silly me, I thought the gym would be abandoned tonight because of the Celtics/Lakers NBA finals game.

I was WRONG!

The gym was packed with folks cheering at the top of their lungs every time somebody made a basket, and then groaning like they ate some salmonella tomatoes when someone else missed a shot.

Most of the folks were cheering for the Lakers. I was not one of them.

Let me be clear: I'd heartily cheer for the Lakers if Kobe Bryant wasn't on the team. Unfortunately, he's still on the roster, which means, as things now stand, my dislike of Kobe supersedes any Lakers affection I might be able to generate. In fact, the entire time I've lived in LA, Kobe has been on the Lakers team, so I guess you could say I've never let the Lakers replace the Chicago Bulls in my heart.

It's not just his whole apres-surgery rape allegations and his subsequent shameful purchase of a $4 million dollar ring for his wife. No, my dislike of Kobe actually began way back in the days of the Bulls vs Lakers. Back then, Kobe's punkish behavior, his arrogance, and his trying to step to Michael Jordan like he was "all that" right out of high school made me cheer every time he missed a shot.

I've never seen any redeeming behavior from him. He's still that petulant, spoiled ball-hog brat that thinks he's the King of the NBA.

Uh, no Kobe. Back up off the crown. The King is still Michael Jordan.

Just think, if the Lakers had gotten rid of Kobe instead of Shaq, I'd be cheering. I'd even consider putting a Lakers flag on my car. Instead, I'm left saying to myself, "Hey, Kevin Garnett is from Chicago, I'm half Irish and I like to wear green and white year-round."

Now, If you think Kobe's the best thing since sliced bread... um, gosh, put down the crack pipe and slowly back away.

I know, major haterade, right? Especially from someone so peace-loving and, cough, gentle. Just trust me on this one. Nothing anyone says will ever get me to like Kobe Bryant. N-O-T-H-I-N-G! Even my kids know that to annoy me all they have to do is repeat his name.

"Ko-be! Ko-be! Ko-be!" By the third time they say it, I'm usually looking at them so evil that they shut up and slink away.

So, tonight, while everyone else was doing more Laker cheering than working out, I turned on my little treadmill TV to the Euro 2008 soccer game instead. Spain was handily wiping the floor with Russia and, ta-da, there was no annoying Kobe Bryant on my TV! AND, there's nothing like watching some smokin' hot footballers running around on a field to keep me going for three miles. It was probably the easiest run I've had in eons.

After my run, I went upstairs to lift some weights and discovered that there were ten minutes left in the game. Lo and behold, almost everybody had abandoned their various weight machines because they were standing around one of the ginormous flat screen TVs watching the Lakers trying to overtake the Celtics.

This was fantastic for me because I didn't have to wait to use anything! For that reason alone I hope this series stretches to seven games. If so, I will be in the gym taking advantage of everybody else's Laker distraction!

Santa Barbara Adventures

I've made up my mind. Starting today, I'm no longer a Los Angeles resident. Buh-bye Prius-driving hipsters that cut you off and then give you the finger! I'm done with all y'all because I'm moving up the coast to Santa Barbara.

Yes, I know. I need to work out the long term details (note to self: buy lottery ticket) but in the meantime I might just refuse to vacate my hotel.

And why should I leave? This room has got a super comfortable bed. The shower has fantastic water pressure and one of those awesome massaging shower heads. There's free breakfast, and when I walk outside, my hotel is somewhere in the picture you see above, so clearly, it's breathtakingly gorgeous. Thank you for borrowing money from China giving me a tax rebate check, U.S. Government!

Seriously though, I can't tell you how much I've been looking forward to this weekend. It feels really good to be here. I've blogged several times about how much I adore Santa Barbara, but as I drove up the coast this afternoon, I realized that this trip is the very first time I'm coming here just to relax. For the very first time, I'm not here primarily for a conference or for work. I'm just here to have a little getaway with la famille.

Although the beaches here are incredibly picturesque, I've never done more than stick my feet in the water. Truth be told, even when I go to the beach in LA, I never get in the water. Heck, I'm not even one to lounge around on a blanket in the sand. And it's all because I put on a swimsuit and say, "There is no way in hell that I am going out in public looking like a fat cow, especially when Halle Berry might jog by."

However, I decided at around 5 AM this morning that I'm over it and it's all because of my kids. I overheard them chatting in their room last night about how excited they were to come here and how they really wanted to go to the beach but probably wouldn't get to, "Because Mommy thinks she's too fat to go."

I felt really bad when I heard that because I try to be really positive about my body around them. They see me sweating like a maniac to that Jillan Michaels DVD and they know I go and run at the park almost every day. I don't say, "Mommy's exercising because she's fat." Nope, I tell them it's because exercising is what healthy people do and because I want to have more energy to keep up with them. Clearly though, my sons are no dummies and they know me better than I think they do.

With all this in mind, this morning I said, eff it, I'm going to the beach and instead of wearing shorts and a t-shirt, I'm gonna wear a swimsuit!

At first I tried to track down my old swimsuit but I seriously could not find it. The poor thing probably disintegrated from lack of use. Sooo, I had no choice but to take myself swimsuit shopping. EEK!

I don't have to tell you how traumatizing the lighting in the dressing room is. It makes you want to cut to the front of Hollywood liposuction line! But, I persevered through trying on about two dozen different swimsuits and I finally decided on a very cute RED number. I'm still shocked that I picked something that's not so-called "slimming" black, but I figured if I was going to go for it, I'd be damned if I was gonna do the stereotypical black swimsuit with slimming tummy panels that fits so tight you can barely breath.

In the morning the plan is to go check out the Santa Barbara Mission -- I'm pretty excited because I've never been to a California Mission and this one is old-school, founded in 1786! After that, we're heading to the Rose Cafe for lunch. Any die-hard Depeche Mode fan will certainly recognize this place. (Hint: look at your Exciter CD and then look at the back of this photo on the right side.)

Then, in the afternoon we're going to either Butterfly Beach or El Capitan Beach and my new red swimsuit will make it's debut! I already bought a trashy beach book to read and if the writing gets too tedious, I can work on my list of things I want.

Trust me, "I want to move to Santa Barbara," is going to be somewhere near the top!

Your Big, Cellulite Covered Booty

I know you have cellulite on your booty.

Even if you are a resident of Los Angeles and best friends with a plastic surgeon, I know you have some ripples and dimples somewhere on that big ole booty of yours. What I don't know is whether or not someone is coming to take a picture of your booty.

You see, I was at the grocery store waaay too late last night, and the covers of the magazines in the checkout aisle were totally harassing me. Why do I have to walk past the checkout line at a grocery store, where, mind you, I am buying FOOD, and see pretty much every magazine cover discussing who's too fat, who's too thin, and how to lose 10-20 even 50 pounds while still eating white sugar, flour and a boatload of salt? Why?

And clearly it was a slow news week at the National Enquirer because they did one of their covers similar to this one, spotlighting which stars have cellulite.

Hint to the Enquirer: ALL OF THEM have it. Every single last female celebrity has cellulite. Even if they have starved themselves down to crack-head levels, they probably still have some cellulite. No matter how much you try to get those ripples sucked out and smoothed and whatever the heck else, 99% of women are going to have cellulite. It's called being human.

Instead, the Enquirer brings poor Mischa Barton to tears by running a photo of her 22 year-old booty, complete with ripples and dimples. Now, I'm sure on the one hand Mischa's loving the free press because she hasn't had anything going on since the OC went off TV. In fact, I'll bet you asked yourself, "Who the heck is Mischa Barton?" Yeah, me too. Never watched the show and I don't think she's "hot" by any stretch of the imagination. But now Mischa's got an interview with OK! Magazine about how unfair the Enquirer was. OK! asked Mischa profound questions like, "Are you self-conscious about your body?" -- to which Mischa said, "No," because she comes from a European family. (Whatever that means!)

No, what Mischa should have done is told the Enquirer that she's actually part black and the black community is a lot more accepting of having some booty. Then she could have pointed out that studies are showing having a big booty is nice and healthy and helps prevent diabetes. Granted, the study was only done on lab mice, and any health benefits of the big booty can and will be negated by the spare tire you're carrying around across your belly, but still!

Mischa should've also asked the Enquirer why they don't take more pictures of men and their guts and man-boobs. Seen photos of Tobey Maguire when he's not shooting a Spiderman movie? Uh huh, I don't think so!

Think about all the sitcom husbands with their toothpick-sized wives. It's like we're supposed to believe the wife isn't sitting around eating high fructose corn syrup laced food too. I'm supposed to think the wife only breathes in the aroma of the Doritos and doesn't ever eat one. Whatever.

And next time you see Jack Black in a movie playing the fat goof ball, ask yourself, would Jack Black ever get a job in Hollywood if he was a woman? If you said yes, let me tell you, you're wrong because if ever there was a candidate for the Jillian Michael's 30-Day Shred DVD, it's Jack. (Did it for the 3rd time this morning. Yes We Can!)

But women? Who do we have? Jennifer Hudson, Camryn Manheim or that one girl from High School Musical -- gosh, her name escapes me at the moment but it's not the one that's dating Zac Efron and had the naked pictures of herself floating around. No it's definitely not naked picture girl because nobody wants a naked picture of a "big girl" unless they are, ahem, into that sort of thing.

I know, it's not going to change anytime soon because a million people will pay money for that copy of the Enquirer and all the other magazines that try to sell how amazing your life will be if you don't have cellulite and you get a whole lot skinnier.

Look to Mariah Carey if you need proof that the skinny does not equal an amazing life. The magazines showed us photos of Mariah Carey's transformation from a size 8 (me) to a size 2 (what I'm apparently supposed to want to be). Well, Mariah got skinny and went and married Nick Cannon so clearly, being thinner does not equal having a lick of sense!

Anyway, I hope you and your big, cellulite covered booty have a great day. Just no "switching" when you walk, mmkay?

Yo' Mama!

Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there! Are you having a great day? I am and it's all because of my sons. Clearly, I wouldn't be a mommy without my little boys, "O" and "T". Yesterday I had one of those moments where I realized that I really am a mom. I mean, who else but a mom hangs out at a park for hours at a time because their kid's have sporting events?

My baby "O" (on the left with the popsicle-blue lips) is on a baseball team and he had team pictures yesterday from 11-12:30 and a game at 2. Of course, after the game, the boys wanted to play on the jungle gyms so I set up shop on the grass. I was supposed to be reading my book, Michael Chabon's "Gentlemen of the Road", but I ended up spending a lot of time watching my sons play and thinking about how good and sweet they are.

They were making me laugh so hard because every so often, they'd run over and say, "You know we're going to Disneyland tomorrow for Mother's Day, right?"

I think they were hoping they could break me down to the point that I'd cave in and say, "That's a great idea! Let's go see Mickey!" But nope, instead I got up this morning, ended my TV abstinence by watching Meet the Press and then did a Jillian Michaels workout DVD. The DVD is called "30 Day Shred". Apparently, if I do it every day for the next 30 days, I'm gonna look shredded! I'm inclined to believe it, especially since I'm now having a hard time even typing because I'm so sore.

Hands down, the funniest moment of the morning came right after I'd finished working out and was putting my free weights back under the couch. There was a loud knock on my front door and even though I was a hot sweaty mess, I had to answer it because my husband had stepped out for a minute to go buy some milk. So, I answer and there's this hot guy standing there with something wrapped in some brown paper.

He says, "These flowers are for you," and holds them out to me.

I'm sooo stupid that I thought this guy was giving me flowers from him!

I actually said, "Are these from you?" -- to which he confusedly replied, "No, I'm just giving them to you."

It took a second for me to realize that he worked for a florist and was merely delivering the flowers. In my defense, I had just done a workout that promised to make me shredded so I think my brain partially shut off because of the pain vibrating through my quadriceps.

While this guy is standing there holding this bunch of flowers out to my dumb self, here comes my husband bounding up the steps with yet another bouquet of flowers and a huge balloon that says, "Queen for a Day!" on it. Uh huh, going to go get a carton of milk, yeah, right. He comes and stands next to the delivery guy too and is all, "These are for you," while looking at the man like, "Who the hell are you and why are you here?'

Never in my life have I been presented with two bunches of flowers at once! Wowzer! So, I took the package from the delivery guy, unwrapped the brown paper and saw that it was a huge bunch of ranunculus! Ranunculus are my absolute favorite flower in the whole world and these ones, as you can see from the picture above, are absolutely GORGEOUS!

My husband looked a little deflated as he stood there with his bunch of yellow, purple and white daisies. "Who are those from?"

I should've replied, "From my other baby daddy," but instead I opened the card to reveal that they're from my awesome sister! Love her! And, now I'm feeling like I'm "all that" because I got two bunches of flowers in one day!

I know there are those who hate Mother's Day. They say, "It's just a commercial holiday. People should honor their mother's every day." There's no denying that is true. But still, it's nice to see my little boys shyly presenting me with the pictures and poems they made at school and I got two bunches of flowers!

Sooo, if you haven't already connected with your mother today, the clock is ticking! Even if you all don't get along and you're still in therapy from your traumatic childhood, give your mom a ring. As a friend told me, one day your mom won't be there and you'll wish you could tell her you love her just once more. Separate the behavior from the person and just reach out because hey, she did carry you for 10 months and that is no small commitment.

Anyway, my eldest just asked me, "Aren't you going to go get your nails done or something?" Yes I am, and some waxing too! See ya!

10 x 4 = Cinco de Mayo

Happy Cinco de Mayo everybody!

I know the popular misconception is that everyone who's Latino in Los Angeles comes from Mexico, and so folks should be out in the streets partying hardy. But in my neighborhood, half the people are from El Salvador -- totally different country -- and they could care less about a holiday celebrating a 19th century Mexican battle.

BUT since it's a day for celebration, let's start out the morning with a little "Yes We Can", courtesy of House Music United.



I have no idea what's up with the place-setting video. I didn't make it. But can I just say that records like this are exactly why I like Europeans. No Americans these days are gonna throw an Obama speech over a tech-house beat, and we INVENTED house music! Instead we get will.i.am's folksy version, which is all very touching and inspiring, but when I need to get myself going in the morning, this is SO much better.

Disclaimer: If you hate house music and hate Barack Obama because he's an uppity negro and you think his wife will be blasting "Computer Love" from the White House, sorry! Wrong blog for you!

Yeah, let me push "replay" on that clip. I really need to hear that again. Yes we can! Wake up, that is! I will have you know that I did not go to sleep last night at all. I spent my evening getting caught up tweaking a little something I wrote a couple of months ago and then working on another short story I've been absolutely obsessed with. However, I'm feeling a little wired even though I haven't slept. It must be the sheer emotional adrenaline of what I was writing.

That means it's perfect timing for me to swagger jack this meme from Madame hot-blogger herself, 1969! Get ready, because you're gonna learn a whole bunch about me that you had no idea you ever wanted to know. And if you don't want to know, stop reading now and call it a day, m'kay?

Ten things I really liked when I was a teenager that I don’t much care for now:
1) Baked chicken: Vegetarianism sort of lured me away and soured my relationship with chicken. Gosh, I feel so guilty. I've been cheating with tofu all these years.
2) Horse racing: I think Eight Belles death on Saturday at the Kentucky Derby really put the nail in the coffin. But I used to be crazy for the ponies. I even wanted to be a female jockey at one point.
3) Leftovers: I never ate them when I lived in China and that soured me on them forever. I feel like throwing up if I have to eat them.
4) Blue eyeshadow: I really thought I was fly in that light blue. Gosh, it was an '80s thing.
5) Pancakes and fries eaten at the same time: Too much starch and I like for my clothes to fit.
6) Shorts: I just think they're for kids, not for grown women with two kids of their own.
7) Vanity Fair: The book, not the magazine. I recently tried to reread it and it just irritated me. I kept yelling, "Get to the point!" Waay too long!
8) W Magazine: My mom subscribed and I used to love it. I recently bought the issue with Keira Knightley on the cover. Bored to tears by the wack fashions and the lack of diversity in the models.
9) MTV: Too many Tila Tequila shows and not enough actual music. I'm not feeling it and haven't for a long time.
10) Popular radio stations: Same 10 songs playing over and over again and their morning shows? What in the world are they talking about? Radio has definitely changed for the worse -- or am I just getting old?

Ten things I didn’t like when I was a teenager but I really like them now:
1) Talk radio: I love KNX 1070 out here in LA but I used to fight with my Dad over Chicago's very own, WGN.
2) Walking: Walking is the kiss of death for a teenager but now I'm all for it.
3) Television cop dramas: You would never have caught me watching a Hill Street Blues type show as some teen Now I love Law & Order. (Except I haven't watched TV for two weeks now.)
4) Exercise: We've come a long way from the days of Jane Fonda-type pure aerobics. Thank goodness.
5) Martial arts movies: I've been a Jet Li fan for 15 years now. And Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon is still a masterpiece by any definition.
6) Ice cream: Three cheers for Breyer's Triple Chocolate.
7) Diet Coke: I'm with you on this one, 1969. But I'm being lured away by Coke Zero.
8) Art Museums: Now that I know the history and the stories behind the paintings, I like going.
9) Shopping: 80's clothes were kind of ugly and didn't look too good on me. Plus, if we were going shopping, chances are my mom was getting something, not me. Not fun.
10) Myself: Yeah, I wasn't too crazy about myself as a teenager. Thank goodness I outgrew that.

Ten things I've never liked and probably never will:
1) Snobby people: If you have to keep repeating where you got your little JD/MBA from, how "good" your hair is, or who your daddy is, guess what, you've pretty much guaranteed that I'm going to HATE you. I could stop this list right here with this one because I will HATE you, do you hear me, H-A-T-E you.
2) Being Broke: Been there, done that. I'll never be money hungry but being hungry because I have no ducats is not something I care to repeat.
3) Big cars: Bad for the environment and I don't know how to parallel park them.
4) Alcohol: I can't stand the smell of beer. Drunk folks tend to get on my nerves, and drunk drivers deserve the slammer.
5) Drama: Especially the sort where people ask me for advice, don't take it and then come crying when their life gets all jacked up.
6) Mediocrity: Come hard with it or don't come at all. If you did your best, fine. But don't tell me you didn't really try or didn't really care what the end result was.
7) Brian McKnight, Wesley Snipes, Tom Cruise, Justin Timberlake and Rush Limbaugh: They all make me sick. Just go away.
8) Greasy Southern Food: Hello! Vegetables can be made without butter and I don't want to eat fried eggs you made with a jar of drippings.
9) Self help books: I have a total mental block against them.
10) Scary movies: I'm still traumatized by watching "Secret Window" and "The Grudge" with my sister two years ago. I seriously can't deal with scary movies.


Ten things I’ve always really liked and very likely always will:
1) My kids: I love them more than anything on this planet.
2) Depeche Mode: In case you didn't know, they're the best band in the world. They just need to hurry up with the new record. Pretty please with a cherry on top?
3) Writing: Ah yes, the reason I did not go to bed last night and the reason I blog.
4) Dracula: The novel, as in Bram Stoker's Dracula. Mina Harker is one of my alter-egos.
5) Orlando Bloom: Is this the wrong time to talk about my unopened Legolas doll?
6) Shoes: I have a particular "thing" for red high heels and I really want some black stilettos with metal heels.
7) Driving a stick shift: I can be a little bit of a control freak and a stick shift helps with that. I'm good at it too. Alas, my current car is not a stick because my husband can't drive one.
8) Traveling: I will go anywhere you want to go. I really like to travel!
9) Jane Austen: Austen's novels are still so fresh and relevant. They're social commentary and soap opera all wrapped into one.
9) Tea: I will drink pretty much any tea that you offer me, not just my beloved chai. I like it plain or with a little milk in it and two sugar cubes.
10: Thai Food: I'm so spoiled because I live right on the edge of Thai Town and in delivery distance of one of the best Thai restaurants in LA.

Whew, I'm tagging some of you...later. I think I need to recover from this post.

Before Eighteen

I am on thought overload this evening.

I seriously can't focus on any of the things I want to blog about. You can expect some posts in the near future about: why almost all of the black men in my family are dead and the women aren't, lynching, the latest zogby poll questions I got in my email, Stanford University's tuition changes, recurring dreams and whether you'd stay with someone who cheats... but it's just not flowing tonight. I can't focus my writing because I have too much to think about.

My saving grace is that I have been tagged by I Am Not Star Jones (love that name btw) over at The Unemployment Cafe. Here are the rules:

1. Post these rules before presenting your list.
2. List 6 actions or achievements you think every person should accomplish before turning 18.
3. There are no conditions on what can be included on the list.
4. At the end of your blog, choose 6 people to get tagged and list their names.
5. People who are tagged write their own blog entry with their 6 suggestions.
6. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged.

This is a hard one for me because my main focus from ages 12-17 was doing really well in high school so that I could get into a top college and get enough scholarships/financial aid to attend. I didn't think accomplishing much else was absolutely essential. Everything else was a nice to have. I still think doing well in school and getting into a top college is the job of a teenager. But, I'll give this a go:

1) Read a book a week: I know, it sounds daunting but being literate is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. And heck, you have no kids, no rent or mortgage to pay, and if you tell your mom you can't wash dishes right now because you're reading and right at the exciting part of the story, guess what, your mom isn't going to complain. She'll be too busy saying, "Thank you, Jesus! My baby is reading instead of messing around with boys!"

Oh, and try to pick up real books instead of the "street-lit" type books. And if anyone tries to give you a book by Zane, run!

2) Be Child and Disease Free: I know some of you might be saying, "Turning 18 and not being a teen mother and not having chlamydia is an accomplishment?"

Um, I hate to break it to you but in some parts of the world it is. I was one of a handful of black girls to graduate from my high school without a baby and I 100% credit that to keeping my legs closed. Do I think white girls weren't getting pregnant? Nope, I think they were. I just know they were having abortions. Black teens didn't have the money for that though. And so they had babies, put off dreams of college, and on and on.

Maybe teens nowadays are so much savvier and know all about safer sex and so are not worried about this at all. But then again, there's Jamie Lynn Spears. Oh and let's not forget about "Juno". I hate how Juno makes it look like a friendly white family (or single mom) is going to adopt your baby. But guess what, if you're black, your baby probably isn't getting adopted if you give it up. Nope, unless you can find a way to make "South Side of Chicago" sound like an exotic African locale, your baby will be in that orphanage or foster home for a long time.

And I don't know why folks try to sugar coat it for teenagers but I can't tell you how many folks I knew in high school that had to get treated for gross stuff like gonorrhea of the throat. You show people a picture of that mess and they will not even think of having sex. Yeah, maybe #2 should have been called keep your legs closed and your mouth off of people's privates... trust me, you will have plenty of time for all that later.

Anyway, now that we're all grossed out, moving right along!

3) Eat, Pray, Exercise: When you're a svelte teen you never think you're going to turn into a contestant on the Biggest Loser. But you will if you eat junk and don't exercise. So learn to eat properly and learn to love exercise because both will keep you from leading a life where you're either fat or constantly yo-yo dieting. If you can pick up a sport that you can stick with, that's even better. Gosh, there's so many soccer leagues in LA, an adult could play every day of the week if they wanted to. But it's hard to come into it as an adult and say, "I know nothing about soccer. Teach me!"

And the prayer will help you your entire life, so connect with God early on and figure out what it is you believe instead of blindly following tradition.

4) Volunteer and be of service: I think all teens should have to volunteer in a homeless shelter, a home for the elderly and with kids younger than themselves.

Teens need to learn compassion and understand that they could end up in the homeless shelter or in an old folks home. Plus, working with kids younger than themselves gives them the chance to be a responsible role model and learn how to develop leadership skills.

5) Develop organizational systems: Learn to keep a schedule with a to-do list. Learn how to prioritize the things you need to accomplish. Develop the habit of doing the "big rocks" first instead of putting them off till later.

There are so many disorganized people in the world and it just makes your life more difficult as you get older. This doesn't mean a teen has to get married to a Franklin Covey planner or spend a ton of money on some big binder. I used Chandler's assignment notebooks for years and they only cost $6.

6) Never have a drink: I know every teen movie has the scene where everybody's having a blast and is trashed. But those teen movies don't show the addiction, the fatal car crashes, the rapes and the violence. There's too much of that with teens.

I remember in high school I walked in on a friend about to be gang-raped by a group of guys we both knew. She was completely drunk and passed out. They tried to force me out of the room but I raised hell and got her out of there. I always thought about how if I'd been drinking too, those five guys would have raped her and maybe me too.

I think the reason they didn't try to rape me was because one of them was a third or fourth cousin of mine... He could never hold his head up around me again.

So that's my six things. Now, to pass this on to six fantastic bloggers:

-1969
-If I Only Had a Blog
-Jali's House
-Gunfighter
-Healthier, Happier You
-Bygbaby
and...
-Black Fire White Fire

I can't wait to read what they write.

Ending NaNoWriMo, NaBloPoMo and NaExerMo

I can't believe NaNoWriMo and NaBloPoMo are both almost over. Oh, and my self-imposed NaExerMo, also known as National Exercise Month. (Except it's not really national because I just made it up!)

How did 30 days pass so quickly? You want to know how I did on:
1) writing a novel in a month,
2) posting on my blog every day and
3) exercising every day in the month of November?

Alright, here's the roundup!

NaNoWriMo: Sadly enough, I did NOT get to 50,000 words. I am at 37,941 right now. I've tried to figure out some way I can write 12,059 words in the next day but I am really tired right now and I quite simply lack the time to be able to write all day tomorrow. I don't even know if I can write that much in one day.

I was quite depressed yesterday when I realized that I wasn't going to get to my 50,000 words. When I think about what went wrong, I think there were two main problems: I didn't write too much when I had the flu and I didn't write too much over Thanksgiving weekend.

I told someone about my melancholy today and her response was, "Well, that sounds crazy anyway so I wouldn't worry about it." Yeah, except that once I set a goal, I do everything to achieve it. I can't go through life not doing the things I say I'm going to do.

The glass half-full perspective is that I have 37,941 words written and that's a lot more than I had 29 days ago. I'm very proud of myself for getting that much done. And I'm loving my story.

NaBloPoMo: Guess what? One more post tomorrow, 11/30 and I did it! I posted every single day in the month of November! I've gone from writing on this blog three times a week to posting every single day.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, even if there were those days when I was brain dead about what to write about. That's when I found myself writing about strippers and Rock Star Energy Drink. But, I managed to get through it!

Now I'm debating whether to keep posting every single day? If you did NaBloPoMo, are you going to keep the daily posting going?

NaExerMo: In exactly one month I turn 35. And I want to be smokin' hot on my birthday. I'm not kidding. Not that I want to cause another car crash or anything like that, but I want to enter the mid to late 30's getting a jump on my slowing metabolism. So I figured it would be a great thing if I could actually work-out every day in November.

I've jogged, jumped roped, hiked, gone to the gym, done push-ups and lifted weights. But did I do something every single day? Nope. Again, I didn't exercise for almost a week when I was dying from the flu. I tried and it just didn't work to run around the trail in my pitifully feverish state.

I'm going to do my best to keep the exercise thing going now that these 30 days are over.

So, that's the update! How about you? If you were doing something for the past 30 days, how'd it go?

America: Home of the Fatal Tummy Tuck

I just ate a clove of garlic and downed some NyQuil so this is going to have to be the most quickly written post in the history of this blog.

I took my temperature and it's 100.1. My body aches. I have a headache. My eyes are red... no photo of my jacked up state is gonna be posted. I'm not trying to "keep it real" to that sort of level.

In fact, I wouldn't even be posting except for Nablopomo. Yeah, I'm just competitive like that so I've dragged myself into an upright position and I'm sitting here typing. Ugh. I hate getting the flu.

But I have to just say that I feel so horrible for Kanye West. I was talking to my mom and sister earlier today about his mom's death and it's just awful. I'd be a wreck if that happened to my mom.

I keep thinking about how in pictures his mom wasn't even big. She looked just fine. She didn't look like she was in her teens or 20's. Nope, she looked like a distinguished black woman in her late 50's.

But nope, even educated, capable women are made to feel like they're nothing unless they have a flat stomach and some perky boobs. We're all responsible for that, not just that allegedly crooked surgeon she got caught up with.

I'll tell you, I've thought about getting a tummy tuck. And then I think about getting my badonkadonk up to run instead. If that doesn't get me the flat stomach, then guess what, I guess I'll just have to learn to live with control top panty hose, corsets, girdles... seriously, I would not want to die and leave my two kids and husband alone.

Plus, I've never had the $$ for plastic surgery so that's always squashed that idea.

And with that, I have to go keel over and wrap myself in a blanket. I hope I feel better manana and I hope you don't get sick too.

NaNoWriMo + NaBloPoMo =NaNoMasochist

I've been wanting to participate in National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) for about two years now. And this year, I'm finally doing it!

In 2005, I found out about NaNo halfway through November. Too late for this author. Last year, I almost signed up but was super stressed by the 60-80 hour a week job. Instead, I jealously admired those bloggers I knew who were engaging in the NaNoWriMo madness. I became a sort of shadow artist, cheering them on while silently kicking myself in the shins.

This year, I don't have that job or that stress anymore. I signed up for NaNo the first chance I got.

Now my task is to write 50,000 words on my novel by the end of November. I figure this is exactly the shot of adrenaline I need to get what I'm working on going strong. I seriously need to conquer my inner critic's "let's edit some more" issue.

Or, at least that was my plan. Today though, I got up and began thinking about an entirely new story that has been brewing in my mind for about a month now. A new one other than the one I've been working on, other than the one with the semi-outline already finished. So, which one to write about or do I try to get both going? Whatever it may be, I need to write at least 1700 words every day on one of them.

It may be 1700 words that I later chuck in the trash, groan while reading aloud, or whatever. But I'm just going to keep it going. Keep it going. Let it flow. Stop being such a, as some would say when they're mad at me, "Control Freak."

To take things to another level during the month of November, I've also decided to participate in NaBloPoMo. That's National Blog Posting Month, meaning that instead of seeing posts from me three or four times a week, you're going to see me posting every single day during the month of November.

I know. That's why I'm a NaNoMasochist. There's a few other of us doing this as well. We even have a group to support our madness, although I'm not sure when I'm going to have time to participate in their forums!

You are welcome to join me in either pursuit! It's not too late to sign up. C'mon. It's only the first day!

Come to think of it, I'm also going to commit to exercising every day during the month of November so that I am sure I don't simply spend every waking moment crouched in front of a computer.

Surely other body parts need exercise other than just my fingers, right?