George Bush + Weaves = President's Day

How was your President's Day?

I'm sure you spent all day curled up on your sofa reading the inspiring biographies of Abe Lincoln and FDR.

As for moi, I had a $10 Starbucks gift card I was going to mail off to President Bush just so he'd know how much we all appreciate everything he's doing for this country. I don't know where I put it though and I'm out of stamps anyway. Gosh, I feel so guilty, especially after he's gone and saved Africa over the past couple of days.

But I know Bush likes us to shop, so I figured the least I could do was head out to Sally's Beauty Supply and to Trader Joe's in order to do my patriotic duty. For extra entertainment, I took my seven year-old along with me.

After five minutes in Sally's, he was bored and asking if we could leave because there was no "boy" stuff in there. I started telling him that hair conditioner isn't just for girls and how lots of men get their nails done, color their hair and take care of their skin. He didn't believe me so I began explaining how it's only been in the past couple hundred years that men stopped wearing makeup and wigs.

He gave me his, "Yeah, sure," look.

I pulled a dollar bill out and showed him George Washington's hair. "See that?" I said. "That's the first President of the United States. His name is George Washington and that is NOT his hair. It's all a wig!"

My son's mouth fell open. "You mean George Bush has a hair weave?"

Time to explain the difference between 1) George Bush and George Washington and 2) a wig and a hair weave, but it all went over his head. Two minutes later he was still saying to himself, "I can't believe George Bush has a weave."

I can't wait till he goes to school and tells his teacher that one.

Our next patriotic shopping stop was our local Trader Joe's. I know my neighborhood is the epicenter of uber-hipness but gosh, can folks give up the ironic t-shirts and silver ballet flats for even one day out of the year?

I won't even get into the young lady wearing a floral baby doll dress, no bra and cowboy boots except to say that my son took one look at her and said, "Hmm. I think she should have made some different choices when she got dressed this morning. Don't you think so, Mommy?"

Yes, Mommy does think so. I also think folks should leave the shirts with the "fcuk" label on it at home. I was in the checkout line contemplating how wrong it is that a teeny tiny carton of NINE strawberries is $3.99 when I suddenly heard my son sounding out, "/f/ /k/ /u/ /k/. Mommy, whats fcuk spell?"

Yeah, thanks random hipster. I had a real good time trying to explain that one, you f*&^ing a$$^@#^.

Ah, that was therapeutic. Let's just hope my son doesn't yet know how to operate the internet well enough to read my blog. I don't think I'm ready to explain what "*&^" stands for.

A Message From Los Angelista

You may not have known it, but over the last few months I have been devoting a considerable amount of time to reflecting on my plans for 2008. As you know, there are so many profound considerations that must be taken into account when thinking about the future. Before committing myself to any one definite course of action, I've consulted with my family, my friends, my horoscope, and reflected on the comments left by you, my readership.

Yes, I've talked with people from around the country, surfed the blogosphere, eavesdropped in Starbucks and listened and learned about the challenges faced by every day people in America. Undeniably, you want change on an unprecedented scale. You hunger for a new spirit in this country. You want a leadership that remains unsullied by the influence of money, a leadership that will give you reasonably priced health care, an excellent education and fair cell phone billing practices.

And so it is with a careful consideration that I announce that I won't be filing papers today to create a presidential exploratory committee. My running for president right now just wouldn't be the right decision for my family or for this country.

I know those of you, especially those of you from my home state of Illinois, may be surprised by this decision. I can only encourage you to keep creating meaningful change within your personal sphere of influence. Surely, if we across this country follow your Land of Lincoln example, we can all achieve our vision of ultimate victory.

Please know, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your prayers, your warm wishes and your encouragement. I believe in you.

With warmest regards,

Los Angelista