The Drill Is No Thrill

Ow.
I'm in pain.
My mouth hurts.
Seriously.

And that's my poem for the day.

Just kidding. Sort of.

If you're a newcomer to this blog, you may not know that prior to this year, I never had a cavity. Well, even if you read this every day, it's not like you remember obscure details from my life...

Anyway, I used to feel SO superior when I could boast, "Nope. I've never had a cavity in my entire life." Never ever. Not even an itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny yellow polka-dot bikini one.

All that's over now thanks to the pesky x-rays revealing my SIX special friends hiding out between my teeth. Yeah, those little back stabbing cavities...They set up shop in my mouth unbeknownst to me, and what kind of thanks do I get? They snitched to the x-ray machine and got me sentenced to time with a drill!

Believe me, dental floss and Listerine have become my new BFFs.

Yeah, OW. I'm telling the truth about this pain thing. After today's drill and kill (the cavities) session, I absolutely disagree with Three Days Grace and their song, aptly titled "Pain". 3DG must not have had any cavities filled recently if they're singing, "Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all". Me, I prefer feeling nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zero.

I want no pain when I'm at the dentist.

I'm telling you, if I felt that drill even a teeny tiny bit, I was raising my hand and acquiring additional shots of lidocaine to the jaw. I got so numb that I couldn't even feel anything from my right ear all the way to my lips. And who knew that applying lipstick to numb lips was so impossible???

I found that I sort of like the numb feeling. It's actually rather pleasant. I rather felt like I could go to sleep and leave my insomnia behind me...but instead I got in my car and drove from Beverly Hills to downtown LA. I don't really know exactly how I got to my office, but I guess "The Human Mapquest" went on autopilot because I didn't crash.

I know that scientifically, anything with that "caine" ending is a sibling to our friend cocaine...so it's probably a good thing that I've turned down cocaine on the few times it's been offered to me. I'd probably be hooked, tout de suite. And if nothing I'm writing right now is making sense and you think I've lost it, hey, I can blame it on the dental d.r.u.g.s.

Truly, I'm not myself. One, I haven't been able to talk very much for most of the day. And a pox on you if know me and you're actually happy about this. Two, I'm also pretty hungry. Unfortunately, I can't open my mouth wide enough to get a forkful of anything past my lips. A couple of people have suggested that this may be a good way for me to lose weight. Yeah, um, thanks.

Some people really know how to kick a sista when she's down...

Ok, I'm going to go listen to the most appropriate song for the moment, by the Pet Shop Boys. Can't wait till I can actually open my mouth to sing along, "What have I, what have I, what have I done to deserve this?"