Ice on Oscar Sunday

Shortly after I woke up this morning, I thought about two things:

1) A bunch of really hungry women in Hollywood get to eat tonight after the Oscars are over and
2) It would be really cool to find a box of jewelry destined for an A-list actress accidentally sitting on the side of the road. But I would return the jewelry. Eventually. I think.

To bring myself back down to reality, I checked out what was happening in the news. The same old same old was going on in the world, so I went to make myself a cup of tea.

My husband wandered into the kitchen and mumbled good morning. I said, "Hey, good morning. Ralph Nader's running for president."

He stopped in his tracks, looked at me like I was crazy, turned and walked out of the room. Five minutes later he re-emerged, saying, "I'm going to Starbucks."

A couple minutes after he left, the phone rang. I could see from the caller ID that it was him so I answered, thinking he was going to say, "Have you seen my wallet?"

Instead, he said, "Dudes in ice jackets are swarming all over our neighborhood!"

Ice jackets? What? I was confused. Was this a throwback to Vanilla Ice or something? "Ice jackets?" I asked.

"I-C-E! Immigration and Customs Enforcement! They're doing an immigration raid in our neighborhood."

"Are you kidding?"

"Nope. There's a bunch of them down the hill from us. It looks like they're standing guard."

I quickly hung up the phone, grabbed my camera and ran outside to check out what was going on. It was raining hard, which is enough to keep everyone inside. But the street seemed eerily quiet for another reason. I looked to my right and sure enough, two white vans were parked in the middle of the street. Some menacing guys in black jackets were standing on the sidewalk in front of the building three doors down. They had that ultra alert stance that you only see in cops and drug dealers.

I walked toward them and they turned to look at me. The way these guys were staring me down was not at all friendly. But I wanted to get a picture of what was happening. So I walked a little closer and pulled out my camera.

One guy began walking my way and barked, "Ma'am, put that camera away. Put it away or we're going to take it."

What in the world? The last time I got a camera confiscated by the police, I was living in China. This isn't China though. This is supposed to be the United States, the country Michelle Obama's proud of. But I felt afraid. So I turned around and quickly walked back to my building. Thankfully, the officer did not pursue me.

Ten minutes later, I saw the white van drive past. I poked my head outside and looked down the hill. Everything looked like it would look on a rainy Sunday morning with no sign that the ICE folks had ever been here.

And of course, in a few short hours, less than two miles from here, some of the wealthiest residents of this city will be stepping onto the red carpet, dripping with a different kind of "ice".

I'd been wishing I had some of that ice. And now some of my neighbors have been carted away by ICE.

Such is this city.

A Billion People Watched That Snooze-Fest?

Unfortunately, I was one of them.

Was it just me or did the Oscar's seem like a big snooze-fest to you too? Goodness, now I know why everyone takes apart the fashions...it's because the show is sooo darn boring.

I started zoning out after Marky Mark didn't win Best Supporting Actor for his performance in The Departed. I thought he was really good in that movie. Plus, I was hoping he'd win because I thought he might get up there and give us a quick rendition of "Good Vibrations" just for old times sake. Maybe he'd pull the Funky Bunch up there too and bust out with some old school moves. But no, didn't happen.

What else did happen? Yes, black people represented and got some more awards. We're just on a roll here with black actors and actresses winning at the Oscars. Depending on where you stand, you either think this is the result of the Antichrist's coming or you're thrilled and you're pumping your black power fist in the air. Well, actually, you might be somewhere in between those extremes but if you had no choice, which side would you be on? Option A: Black Power. Option B: The Antichrist.

Option B? You're at the wrong blog so have a nice life.

But, if you picked Option A, let's see what you're celebrating:

First of all, Jennifer Hudson won Best Supporting Actress for Dreamgirls. I still haven't seen the movie and I think I'll wait till it's on dvd. I don't know why I'm just not that into it. Good for Jennifer though that her little Cinderella story is tied up with a nice, neat Oscar statue. It was cute how she thanked Jennifer Holiday at the end of her acceptance speech. But, she'd better watch her back because look out world, it's gonna be time for some serious media destruction. After all, you know how our media loves to build someone up only so they can take them down. Yep, she's a prime target.

With Jennifer, I doubt we'll get crotch shots or pictures of her in a threesome smoking crack. Instead, the questions I can see coming are, "Did she really deserve the Oscar? Can Jennifer act in a movie that doesn't require her to belt out a song?" Actually I think that's sort of a legitimate question.

We can also prepare for some comments about her really needing to go on a diet. Next thing you know, there'll be eBay auctions of her alleged Oscar night girdle.

Yep, at her size, I'm not so sure what we'll see Jennifer cast in next because neither she (nor I) have Reese Witherspoon's barely there, much admired, lollipop-head body. Jennifer's a big woman and all that mess about celebrating healthy bodies doesn't mean a thing in Hollywood. I'll give it to her that she looked good, but for a minute there when she was performing, I thought her ta-tas were going to pop right out of that skintight red dress.

And then there was Forest Whittaker winning Best Actor. I really try, but for the life of me, I cannot figure out what the man is saying when he opens his mouth. The end of his speech where he was thanking his ancestors and all that...it sounded sort of good, but I just couldn't follow it. I do want to see his movie though. Someone I was talking to today said it was one of the best films of the past decade.

So, tomorrow folks will get their dresses, hair and makeup ripped to shreds. I'd hate to be one of those actresses that gets labelled worst dressed. I can just hear someone asking me what I'm wearing every day when I go out. That would be pretty tiresome. Today I'd have to tell them, "Black boots by 9West, jeans by Jeanstar and black turtleneck by...um, did I get this at Target?"

I suppose I'm just further proof that someone can live in LA, only two miles from the Kodak Theatre, and be a million miles from the glitz and glitter of Hollywood...but I obviously wasted four hours of my life watching the show waiting for something exciting to happen.

Oh wait, maybe the Antichrist does have a hand in this?