Another Sleepless Night

It's the time of night when the hour at which I should have been asleep is long gone. I've tried a few tricks to help myself relax and drift into the arms of Hypnos and Morpheus. But the realization that in a few short hours I'm going to be driving up Interstate 5 to San Francisco, and so I need to be well rested, lingers over me, making it even more difficult for me to sleep.

To occupy myself in this endless, sleepless state, I have been cleaning. In part I have been cleaning because I don't like coming home from a trip to a messy house. But, moreso I've been cleaning because today is both Baha'i New Year and the beginning of spring.

I'm also thinking about how sometime mid-morning tomorrow, I'm going to roll to either a Starbucks or Coffee Bean and order myself a chai. And then I'm going to drink it because I can! 19 days with no food or drink between sunrise and sunset... I cannot tell you how ready I was for that to be over and done with. Good grief!

No, okay, I shouldn't solely convey how ready I was to be done with fasting. It was good for helping me focus and getting me to think about the discipline and discernment I need in order to stop dwelling on idle fancies and vain imaginings.

I know that I am frequently too hard on myself and that I worry about everything more than I should. But I have been trying to hold the mirror up to myself, as difficult as that may be. I feel guilty for wondering, why do I have to serve the greater good? Why can't I just be cool with being selfish, just like most everybody else seems to be?

And so I will give sleep another try. Perhaps my mind will stop racing from one thought to the next and will instead just "be", if only for a moment.

Comments

sippinwineman said…
I really wish I could join you (y'all) on that trip. I LOVED SF when I was last out there in 2002.

Drive safely.
Mes Deux Cents said…
Liz,

Happy Narooz! I hope you enjoy your trip!
the last noel said…
Happy New Year! Roll the windows down, play loud music, chuggalug a bunch of caffeine. That ride up the 5--oy!
I'm glad your fast is nearly over. It's a very long and demanding one.

Although the reasons for it are wonderfully beneficial, I'm afraid that a lengthy fast would make me focus on only one thing - hunger.

Happy New Year and have a wonderful time in the little city to the north.
Unknown said…
Happy Naw Ruz, Liz! And I thought I was the only one consumed by racing thoughts and sleepless nights! Not to mention that I've been having very self-centered obsessions that I'm supposed to letting go of so I can be of more service to others. (sigh) It's a long journey through "The Seven Valleys", isn't it?
Jameil said…
glad you made it through the fast! never been to SF.
Shiona said…
Glad to see you made it through your fast. I find it hard to relax before a long trip myself. The best sleep I get is that night after driving. I can relax and do nothing for a few hours...

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