Another Sleepless Night
It's the time of night when the hour at which I should have been asleep is long gone. I've tried a few tricks to help myself relax and drift into the arms of Hypnos and Morpheus. But the realization that in a few short hours I'm going to be driving up Interstate 5 to San Francisco, and so I need to be well rested, lingers over me, making it even more difficult for me to sleep.
To occupy myself in this endless, sleepless state, I have been cleaning. In part I have been cleaning because I don't like coming home from a trip to a messy house. But, moreso I've been cleaning because today is both Baha'i New Year and the beginning of spring.
I'm also thinking about how sometime mid-morning tomorrow, I'm going to roll to either a Starbucks or Coffee Bean and order myself a chai. And then I'm going to drink it because I can! 19 days with no food or drink between sunrise and sunset... I cannot tell you how ready I was for that to be over and done with. Good grief!
No, okay, I shouldn't solely convey how ready I was to be done with fasting. It was good for helping me focus and getting me to think about the discipline and discernment I need in order to stop dwelling on idle fancies and vain imaginings.
I know that I am frequently too hard on myself and that I worry about everything more than I should. But I have been trying to hold the mirror up to myself, as difficult as that may be. I feel guilty for wondering, why do I have to serve the greater good? Why can't I just be cool with being selfish, just like most everybody else seems to be?
And so I will give sleep another try. Perhaps my mind will stop racing from one thought to the next and will instead just "be", if only for a moment.
To occupy myself in this endless, sleepless state, I have been cleaning. In part I have been cleaning because I don't like coming home from a trip to a messy house. But, moreso I've been cleaning because today is both Baha'i New Year and the beginning of spring.
I'm also thinking about how sometime mid-morning tomorrow, I'm going to roll to either a Starbucks or Coffee Bean and order myself a chai. And then I'm going to drink it because I can! 19 days with no food or drink between sunrise and sunset... I cannot tell you how ready I was for that to be over and done with. Good grief!
No, okay, I shouldn't solely convey how ready I was to be done with fasting. It was good for helping me focus and getting me to think about the discipline and discernment I need in order to stop dwelling on idle fancies and vain imaginings.
I know that I am frequently too hard on myself and that I worry about everything more than I should. But I have been trying to hold the mirror up to myself, as difficult as that may be. I feel guilty for wondering, why do I have to serve the greater good? Why can't I just be cool with being selfish, just like most everybody else seems to be?
And so I will give sleep another try. Perhaps my mind will stop racing from one thought to the next and will instead just "be", if only for a moment.
Comments
Drive safely.
Happy Narooz! I hope you enjoy your trip!
Although the reasons for it are wonderfully beneficial, I'm afraid that a lengthy fast would make me focus on only one thing - hunger.
Happy New Year and have a wonderful time in the little city to the north.