Is This In The Mommy Job Description?

You ever hear someone say, "That's not in my job description"?

Do mothers ever get to say that? I mean, I don't exactly remember reading a Word document that said, "Must be willing and able to handle contact with child's bodily fluids without freaking out or fainting."

But mothers have no choice. We either deal with it or else we're BAD mommies and child protective services might eventually "fire" us -- or our child ends up being a 40 year-old in therapy because he has mommy issues.

But I digress...

Last night I was trying to get my sick six year-old son to take some medicine because he had a fever of 103.5 -- and he totally barfed on me. Barfed as in vomited. Hurled. Upchucked.

My kids like to say "barf" -- as in, "OMG, I barfed on you last night, didn't I Mommy?" so I guess I've adopted the lingo.

Being barfed on is par for the course for mothers. People talk about the baby spitting up... no, the baby barfed on your cute shirt, and that cute shirt will never smell the same again.

However, I will take some baby barf over six year-old barf ANY day. Six year old barf is... eh, I'll spare you the description.

But I never cease to be completely shocked when it happens. It's that, "I KNOW you didn't just throw up on me!" kind of shock. And then reality sets in. Yes, your child did just barf on you. Whatcha gonna do? Beat him for it?

I guess I should just be grateful that at least this time he missed my head. The cleanup for lap barf is sooo much easier to manage than the cleanup for head barf.

Yeah, think about head barf next time you see me and my 'fro. My hair has been there, done that.


@MaDonnaNegra said…
I am laughing so hard at the picture that I can barely type this. Here's the thing about vomit--- I don't do it. Meaning, I hate it so much that I have delegated the job away. I made a deal early on--24 years ago with my first child. My husband cannot deal with poop diapers (no problem for me) and I CANNOT deal with vomit. So our deal is-- I do poop and he does vomit. I clearly got the good deal. You might consider negotiating that arrangement!! It's not too late!

P.S. Babies don't even vomit compared to six year old vomit. I so feel your pain!!
Liz Dwyer said…
LOL! Oh I wish I could've had my husband -or even my older son- clean it up! Alas, my hubby was gone and my other son looked as traumatized as I felt. So no choice for me.
Call Family said…
It's the smell of the barf that makes me want to barf. I never got out the post-barf-after-drinking- too-much-blue-Sonic-soda stain from my matress. It's still not enough to make me go get them flu shots. Very fitting pumpkin barfing pic!
That picture is CLASSIC. And boy do I relate. We are going through an awful stage of potty training (or lack thereof) right now, and the result is that I am daily dealing with a nasty preschooler-sized poop cleanup. I am often left thinking, "Really? Is this really my life right now? All that schooling for THIS?" Sigh.

Sometimes I think the government should send their terrorist suspects over to my house before interrogations. The lack of sleep, the close contact with human waste, and sheer volume of constant noise . . . they will break in a matter of hours.
Jameil said…
did you say this time he missed my head? ew. i'm thinking about throwing up right now. thanks for the birth control.
nick said…
I love the pic! Being childless, I've managed to avoid such revolting chores, though I expect I could have handled it. I have no aversion to cleaning the toilet, in fact it's usually me that does!
allison sara said…
wowza. can't wait.
Daniel said…
Los Angelista,
Well, you already KNOW I've "been there, done that", lol. How could you possibly ever care for little ones and NOT be pee'd on, pooped on and barfed on? My son had this habit of peeing as soon as I got the diaper down and the cool air hit the penis; a few times of him sprayin' everywhere on me, and I learned a new technique, lol.
My little girl (why I STILL call her that, lol?) barfed it all up one late night in bed all over a hand-knitted blanket! Took 3 washes and a lot of hand-pickin’ the chunks out to get that thing clean.
It’s why we love our kids so much, all that great “bonding”, lol.
D- said…
I never barfed on my mother.

But my father? Oh yeah, so many times (why I'm happy about this, I don't know.)
Liz Dwyer said…
Call Family,
The stains are the absolute worst!

So no flu shots for you all? I got one last fall and was sicker than I've ever been.

Potty training is tough. It really requires the patience of a saint. Good luck with it.

Yes, if there'd been pictures that would be the perfect sex/pregnancy deterrent to show every middle school and high school girl. Ha!

I'm the toilet cleaner here -- which is always fun since I live with three males! Years of baby diapers have me pretty unfazed about that. But being vomited on? Ugh, I still can't get used to it! ;)

Haha! Don't worry, your children are probably the only people that can vomit on you and you still love them!

Oh yes, the chunks are the absolute worst! And even after they're gone, the smell lingers... or maybe it's all my imagination. It's hard to wrap yourself in a blanket that you know has been barfed on like that! -- And I've said it before but I'll say it again, you are a great dad! :)

LOL! Oh that's awesome! :)
1969 said…
*sigh* Been there. I am here for you my sister.
Liz Dwyer said…
And I got it AGAIN this morning! Sigh!

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