A Few Letters I Need To Write

Back in the day I was a huge letter writer. Folks who knew me in the days before email can attest to my ability to hand-write 10-12 page (front and back) letters. I don't do that anymore but I've been thinking about some letters I'd like to write if I could:

1) Dear Angelenos Who Left For Thanksgiving Weekend,
I hope you had a great time in Fresno/Vegas/Phoenix/San Francisco/Wherever you went. Feel free to go back there soon because with you gone, it only took 15 minutes to drive from LAX to Sherman Oaks yesterday morning. I know! I can't believe it either! I'm thinking my quality of life would increase considerably if you move permanently. Please consider it.

Yours In 405 Freeway Traffic Hating Solidarity,

Los Angelista

2) Dear Email Spammers,
I know the purpose of spam is to just flood people's junk mail boxes in the hopes that you can get them to click on something, but I'd like to help you focus your spam since I'm not clicking on what you're sending me. One, I don't have a penis so I don't need any penis enhancing anything. I also don't want to help you claim your lottery winnings. I don't need any pills either. Actually, since I don't need any of your stuff, just stop sending your spam to my in box!

Helpfully Yours,

Los Angelista

3) Dear NaNoWriMo Organizers,
How do I tell you this? Once more I have failed you and did not get to 50,000 words written. I only got to 32,938 words. That's less than last year! I suck, don't I? Wait, don't answer that! Just feel free to slap the EPIC NaNoWriMo FAILURE sticker on my forehead. I haven't written since the day before Thanksgiving. But I promise to get back to it tomorrow, even though it's December. After all, just because it's December, I don't get to stop writing!

Yours in Shame,

Los Angelista

4) Dear NaBloPoMo Organizers,
I regret to inform you that I came home last night after the devastating Notre Dame/USC game, collapsed on the couch, and fell asleep within like five minutes. That means I failed to post ANYTHING yesterday, making me a NaBloPoMo failure! I meant to write about how Notre Dame needs to fire Coach Weis, but... SNORE! So close, but so far away, right? Sigh. But I'm sure if you watched that game and you were rooting for Notre Dame, you totally understand how I was feeling. However, if you'd like to castigate me across the length and breadth of the internet, I totally understand. Just don't be too hard on me. I'm not as tough as I look.

Yours in Sincere Disappointment,

Los Angelista

5) Dear USC,
I'm sure you're feeling pretty happy today. After all, you totally ground Notre Dame into the dust of the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum last night. I'll admit, they played terribly and you were great on the field. But a few thoughts, if I may. First, wow, your uniforms really DO look like ketchup and mustard! And I'm thinking you might want to get rid of that 3rd down gong. That thing is ANNOYING! Also, your fight song is terrible and your band definitely needs to ask the off-beat flag girls to bounce, although otherwise, nothing is going on with them musically or performance-wise. I really can't believe their halftime "show" was a diss of Notre Dame football set to music. It lacked class.

Never Yours,

Los Angelista

6) Dear Charlie Weis,
Did you resign yet from your Head Football Coach position? If not, psst, let me tell you how your alumni were acting last night. The folks behind me were betting money that your team couldn't get the ball past the 20 yard-line on a kickoff return UNLESS they got a touchback. Those who said the team could do it were losing money bigtime! I did not go to a school with a big football reputation. In fact, I never went to one single football game at my own alma mater. You could probably get away with coaching like you do at my undergrad college. Maybe you should switch to a school with less pressure? The other thing is that my kids got to hear a LOT of f-words yelled last night and they were usually attached to your name. Let's face it, if you leave, my children won't have to hear all that swearing the next time they go to a Notre Dame game. I know it's a tough decision, but think of the children

Yours In Resignation,

Los Angelista

7) Dear Notre Dame Band,
I know I'm not the most objective person around, but despite that I really had such a good time going to Anaheim with you on Friday night and then to Notre Dame High School, Crenshaw High School and the Irishfest Pep Rally on Saturday. Also, watching your pre-game and halftime shows in the Coliseum was fabulous. Like I said, I know I'm biased, but you all live up to the hype that being the very first university marching band brings. You set the bar for other bands VERY high! I'm sure USC was not feeling so enthusiastic about having to take the field after you. Even though the USC football team won, you all were the clear winners last night because even the USC fans gave you a standing ovation!

Here's a little video of you pre-game:

And I loved the car driving across the football field during your rendition of "American Pie". The good thing is that in California, we have smog checks so I usually don't see that much exhaust coming out of the back of a car but the effect was AWESOME. In fact, your show was so engaging that I couldn't really take video at halftime because I kept jumping around and clapping with my kids. You rocked that place!

May The Luck Of The Irish Be Yours,

Los Angelista.

Ah, I feel so much better now that I have those letters written. So sorry I couldn't go old school and hand write them. But, that's what blogs are for, right?


David Sullivan said…
Being a good Irish Catholic boy I grew up with many in my family enomred with "The Fighting Irish", but I never was. I was a fan of the only other Catholic University that played football and that is BC. More Irish have played there, its in a more Irish town and they have beaten the Fighting Irish like 10 times in a row (maybe not 10 but close) Might be time to convert!!!
Anonymous said…
Well, Liz, I think 32,938 words is still pretty impressive compared to my puny output. Who needs 50,000 of the pesky little buggers? Size is not important, I always say, look for the quality. And there's plenty of that in your amazingly varied and entertaining posts. Whenever they come, I'll be reading.
Jen said…
Hey Liz,
Several of us are doing a nanowrimo in January because November just sucked. Let me know if you're interested. ;-)
Liz Dwyer said…
I grew up with my Dad putting a Notre Dame blanket on my bed when it got very cold outside and I got very sick, so I can never switch my allegiance! I'm also a Cubs fan and love the Bears so I guess I'm just a fan of losing Chicagoland sports teams!

There was a point where I thought about writing nothing but drivel just so I could make the 50k mark, but that really defeats the purpose. I think the purpose is to develop good writing habits and keep going at it. Hopefully, I've done that and can keep at it.

Oh yes, I'd definitely be interested! January would be a better month instead of November. Less going on. The hardest thing too was that my boy got ill. I got behind taking care of him, but if I had to choose between writing more and taking care of him, he'll win every time.
Jennifer said…
Liz, I love that you are a Notre Dame fan even in their down years. They will come back. Being a USC fan, I remember the bad years and keep that in the back of my mind during these good times...as far as the fight songs and the bands, it's all a matter of perspective. I will never like the Texas fight song as long as I live -- being at the BCS championship game and losing was the worst game ever for me.
Anonymous said…
Your blog is such a great find! My kid's in the ND band and since the USC/ND game wasn't worth watching, I scrambled to find the half-time show somewhere on the net. (At least NBCsports.com shows the entire half-time show for us band parents to enjoy - stinkin' ESPN!) At least you provided a glimpse for us to enjoy! Bless you!
Liz Dwyer said…
I hope ND comes back. I really do. Even when they lose, if the game is close, at least it's fun. That game on Saturday was just painful. There's a lot of talk about academic standards needing to be raised at other schools so that ND can be competitive again. My feeling is that the academic standards need to be raised for the benefit of the players on all teams! I'll give ND credit for having such a high athlete graduation rate. I hear you about Texas. I don't mind USC as a team so much. They were a better team and deserved the win. But USC's band was probably a 2/10 whereas Notre Dame's band REALLY brought their A-game... and they have the Victory March. Not many college songs can stand up to the Victory March! :)
Liz Dwyer said…
I'm so glad to help out! I wish the networks would show the halftime performances. The students put so much work into them and they're great. I'm sure I saw your son/daughter at some point and he/she definitely knows my dad then! I rode around on bus #9 with the and they're all really sweet and thoughtful students. I have more footage from their time at ND High and Crenshaw High. I'll try to post it later.
this post cracked me up. I'm one of the people who left L.A. so I am helping with that whole 405 situation.

32,938 is nothing to sneeze at. Congrats.
Jennifer said…
Liz, you are right about the ND band -- they are very, very good. When I went to South Bend a few years ago I was so impressed with them. This is the first year in as far back as I can remember that ND brought their band and I was so glad to see them there!

I'd like to go to South Bend on a non-USC weekend; I think I'd like that experience...in fact, I've talked to my daughter about attending Notre Dame, but she's dead set on USC...
Sundry said…
You should just copy and paste into the NaNoWriMo engine everything you write in November from all the places you write, and see if you don't come up with a healthy 50,000+. Then spend December weaving it into a novel. ;)
And here I've been hoping all the extra San Franciscans would relocate to L.A. (or Vegas, Phoenix or Fresno) because there are entirely too many of them here, they drive badly, I just know they would be happier somewhere else and that's my only concern as we all know it's all about them.
Anonymous said…
I went travelling for hte holidays and was glad ot get back to my little traffic-free town.

As for spam, my email program does a really great job of cordonning them off. Love that.
Shiona said…
Your trip was that quick. Wow! I stand in amazement.

I agree that amount of words is nothing to sneeze at. Happy writing.

I hate going to sporting events with gongs and such. I could never go to a game at Buccaneer stadium. Those cannons going off after every Buccaneer score would be annoying.

I love watching marching bands. I used to watch those battle of the bands in high school. College is so much better.
Liz Dwyer said…
I know Rome is lovelier, but I definitely think LA is worse off without you here. If only some of those arrogant, Range Rover driving Westsiders would leave! :)

You're right, I should be grateful for my 32,938. It's more than existed before!

There's nothing like going to a game at Notre Dame Stadium. I bet you'd love a non-USC game. Both of my sons are saying they're going to Notre Dame now. It's really cute!

I should, shouldn't I? It won't make 100% sense, but at least I could stick a winner badge on my blog... because I really want one of those! :)

Ok, let's start a campaign to get EVERYBODY to move to Fresno! Especially the bad drivers!

I have gmail and rarely get any but when I do, I can't help but check my junk mail folder to see what's in there. Sometimes something actually meant for me goes in there so I'm glad I do, but most of the time, it's this stuff that leaves me wonder who in their right mind clicks on this stuff?

Yes, my dad was only here for a couple of days. So sad it's over already. That bell/gong is over the top annoying, and they put a picture of it ringing on the jumbotron.

USC hooks their band up to speakers so they sound louder when they're sitting in the stands. But then on the field they don't have that ability so then you get to really hear that they just sound so-so. Notre Dame sounded great on the field. Loud, musically in-tune, energetic, great visuals of their marching formations. Loved it!
Kathy Rogers said…
I will personally help you deliver all of the letter #1s. Seriously.

Being a UCLA Bruin, I'm also pretty fond of letter #5. Yes, I'm fully aware that we are going to get pounded by USC this Saturday. -sigh-
Liz Dwyer said…
Good luck with that cross-town rivalry game this Saturday. Sigh, Notre Dame is keeping their awful coach! I can't believe it!
Anonymous said…
Well, Liz, I think 32,938 words is still pretty impressive compared to my puny output. Who needs 50,000 of the pesky little buggers? Size is not important, I always say, look for the quality.

Popular Posts