Straight = Out! Curly, Kinky, Nappy = In!

I haven't blow-dried, flat-ironed or curled my hair with a curling iron since September 2007.

This is the last photo of me with straight hair:RIP Straight Hair
September 2007

I think I look a little pissed off in the picture. I was probably thinking about the ten million hours it took to wash, condition, blow dry, flat iron and curl that hair. I don't miss how dry and lifeless it was. I don't miss split ends. I don't miss having to buy a bunch of hair products to make it look shiny and healthy. I don't miss sitting at a hair salon for four hours. I don't miss hair stylists who run relaxers through your hair so it'll be extra-dead straight for summer. And I don't miss running from the rain we see so rarely here in LA just so that my hair wouldn't get messed up.

If you're a long time reader of this blog you know how I decided not to straighten my hair anymore but was reluctant to chop it all off with a snap of my fingers, just like that. Yeah, I am not my hair and all that, but just because I wasn't down with chemicals anymore did not mean I wanted to have super short hair for the first time in my life.

So, I grew the straight hair out with straw sets beginning in October 2007, and then chopped off all the remaining straight ends at the end of July. I realized today that I haven't kept you all in the loop with what's going on with my hair since then. In case you were wondering, here's your girl: Or at least, that was me as of this past Monday night. And even though the hair is different from what it was a year ago, clearly, I'm still in love with black t-shirts, right?

Will this hair be forever? Probably. I can't imagine going back to damaging chemicals and hours of heat styling or twirling it around straws. Why would I go back to that? To meet somebody else's standard of beauty? To fulfill the expectations of a society that, despite the extra special all-black Italian Vogue, still can't put black women other than Halle Berry and Beyonce and her lacefront wig on the covers of fashion magazines? Whatever.

Plus, you know what I do to style my hair these days? Every day (or every other day) I rinse it with water when I take a shower, throw a little cheapo conditioner in it, run my fingers through and I don't rinse it out. I put a little jojoba oil in it. Sometimes I also use some gel on it, sometimes I don't. Then I let it air-dry, which takes no time at all in this dratted Santa Ana heat. (Dear Los Angeles, please cool off m'kay!) Sure, I deep condition it a lot, but that's not an every day thing. The point is, I am not spending hours and hours on my hair!

I'll admit, some days I'm not exactly thrilled with how my hair looks. Some days it just looks really dry and frizzy. It gets REALLY big, so I can't exactly hide it under a hat when I'm not happy with it. It's not really long enough yet to pull into a decent ponytail either, meaning, I just have to deal with it.

On the days I feel like an absolute hot mess, I try to remember that I have inspired my sister to also buck the chemicals and go natural! She cut her straight ends off a month ago. I absolutely love it when she calls me up gushing over all the compliments she's getting.

However, despite my joy over my sister, I have to say there's also some not so great things I've noticed over the past three months since I cut off my hair.

One, it totally weirds me out when folks I haven't seen in a REALLY long time don't say anything at all about my hair. I've had experiences where people actually seem to be avoiding looking at me when they're talking to me. You've known me for years, I've never had short hair before, the hair is an afro... and you have nothing to say? It's like, wow, you hate my 'fro that much? Really?

Maybe it's a case of, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all!" but this is LA where everybody comments on everybody else's appearance all the time and has mastered the art of making completely vague statements like, "You cut your hair? Needed a change, huh?" and then they launch into some story about how they need to go on a diet. When I don't even get that song and dance, it's a little weird.

In my most insecure moments, it makes me wonder if my hair looks so awful that the person can't even bring themselves to say anything about it. But I also realize that people have very set expectations about what a black woman's hair is supposed to look like. I mean, society's just gotten to the point where most (not all) black women don't have to worry about whether their locs and braids are considered decent enough to wear to work.

I am also sick of being told that I can "get away" with wearing my hair like this because I'm mixed AND because I live in Los Angeles. Let's tackle the "mixed" thing first. Apparently, the "logic" behind this is that my white genetic make-up means that I have "nice" hair or that I have a "good grade of hair". I guess because I have "good" hair, I can go natural, whereas if I had bad hair, I couldn't.

I've said a million times and I'll say it again: I think all hair that's clean and healthy is good, nice and beautiful. But if we're operating with the definition of "good hair" that black folks, in all our internalized racism glory, are talking about, um, nope, not me. If my hair is so "good", why did one of my frustrated aunts once declare while trying to comb my hair, "You have the nappiest hair of any mixed girl on earth! What is wrong with you?"

Regardless, of other people's opinions on the goodness or badness of my hair, I am happy to have the hair texture that's on my head. It's what God gave me and however curly, kinky, nappy or un-nappy someone else feels they need to categorize it as, I love it. If it was more textured or less textured, hey, I'll take it. And, I'd still wear it the same way.

And the LA thing? Yes, folks can and do wear whatever here, but don't get it twisted. This is the land of hair weaves, people. How many black actresses do you see out there wearing their natural hair? Singers? Video "dancers"? And even if you think it's their natural hair, don't be delusional. It most likely got chopped off the head of somebody in India who sold it for some cash.

Besides, my sister lives "red state" America. It's hardly LA. And her being natural is not just because she's also biracial and somehow has "good" hair. -- Sigh, I will be so happy when all these crazy terms totally fall out of use and are only something I tell my grandbabies about. "Back in Grandmama's day, folks used to say stupid stuff like "good hair" Can you believe it?"

I still think my husband prefers the straight hair. Occasionally he asks, "So you're going to keep it like this forever?" to which I could reply, "Are you going to be balding forever?"

Yep, I could ask him why he no longer has the dreds going all the way down his back, but I'm nice so I don't go there.

Anyway, the most important thing in all this is that my two sons constantly tell me that they love my hair. Being a good role model for them was a huge part of why I decided to wear my hair natural in the first place. I didn't want them to think that beauty for black women only equaled chemically straightened hair, a weave or a lacefront wig.

When I hear them say, "Wow! Mommy! Your hair is sooo pretty!" I know they aren't buying our society's straight hair hype. Yes, having my own hair and it not taking forever to style is fabulous. But hearing those boys say stuff like that, now that is the best thing ever.

Comments

I fight with my hair and I love my hair curly (FYI I love your hair curly too!) but with grey hair came frizzies so I blow dry. It's less than an hour and I can read while I tug at it so I guess I'm lucky.

I feel like my straight hair ages me, but like yours, my husband loves straight hair. So I blow dry a few times a week.

I think that our hair matches our faces and women who have curls were meant to have them, women with straight hair naturally look best with that.

I was startled to see you with straight hair, you're much hawter au naturelle.
Liz Dwyer said…
Jessica,
I feel hotter with my hair like this instead of straight! I think your theory about people being born with the hair that looks best on them is probably right. It just looks like it fits a bit more. My gray hairs are frizzier too. I have a little family of them that's growing in the front of my head and they drive me insane!
Shiona said…
I will be doing the curly hair thing as well. If that doesn't work then I'm chopping it off. They have this website that breaks down the different types of curly hair. They have like 3 a,b and c and all that. Interesting. All they frying and drying do a lot of damage.I am glad to see curly hair is in :)
Your hair looks so much healthier now.

I notice your beautiful face more. Before I was looking at your hair.

It's not easy to go against society's expectations. I have natural hair and there are days I do get very frustrated with it.

Did you see Halle's afro wig? I think it's a wig.
j'taimee said…
I don't know you, except through what you share on your blog - but you look and seem a whole lot happier now.
Anonymous said…
Your hair looks fabulous, Liz, much better than the laborious straight version. Good for you having the nerve to go natural and dump all the artificial reshaping.
Anonymous said…
I absolutely love your hair natural. It's gorgeous. My hair is straight and baby fine and I am absurdly envious of my son's thick wavy hair (which he is always trying to plaster down into submission!).
Jennifer said…
Your hair is gorgeous, and looks so healthy the way you wear it now. I agree with some of the comments here, that our hair 'goes' with us, and we have to learn to embrace what we've been given. It becomes much more beautiful when we do.
Liz Dwyer said…
Shiona,
I've seen that hair type chart and came to the conclusion that I have about four different ones on my head. Maybe five. It always seems to be doing something different. Good luck with setting your OWN trends with your hair! :)

NYC/CR,
I think Halle's hair is a wig too. She should not have been cast in that movie! I think my hair looks ALOT healthier now too. Thanks for saying so! It's not a flat, lifeless mop on my head anymore. I don't want that anymore. And can I give you a virtual hug for being such a positive support to me through all this? It really means a lot.

J'taimee,
I look pretty upset in that photo but yes, I am ALOT happier these days. There are lots of changes in my life since then -- it goes deeper than the hair for sure.

Nick,
Aww, thanks, Nick! I wish I'd done it sooner because I'd hated the straight hair for awhile. That's the beauty of the internet though. All the positive encouragement from folks meant alot. And the online forums for black women who want to have healthy, natural hair definitely helped support the decision.

Citizen,
Thanks! I'm loving it too. They say we want whatever hair we aren't born with, but I definitely want what I was born with now.

Jennifer,
So nice of you to say so. Thanks. Amazing how not killing it with carcinogenic chemicals makes a world of difference in the health of our hair! :)
Miz JJ said…
I love curly hair, but I don't think I could go natural. I prefer straight hair on me.

I love that your boys love it. They haven't been brainwashed yet.
Ian Lidster said…
We all should go 'au naturel' in whichever way we choose. You look fabulous.
Nerd Girl said…
I was just vainly looking in the mirror yesterday thinking how much I love my hair now that I'm no longer permed.

For maybe the first year after I locked it, I would think "they're looking at me funny 'cause I'm locked, I didn't get the job 'cause I'm locked, etc., etc." Now I don't give it a second thought. My hair may still be the reason certain things do/don't work out the way I'd like, but I don't care.

I'm beyond thrilled with it, my husband likes it (now that it has grown out some, he wasn't a big fan when it was "short") and my kid asks me for dreadlocs on a regular basis. Being natural is one of the best ways I feel as though I can teach my daughter self-acceptance. She was one of the biggest factors in my deciding not to perm anymore. When she was 7 months old - in early '05 - I decided that life was too short and hers was too precious for me to spend a good portion of it in a "beautician's" chair getting lye slapped on and washed out of my head.

You look amazing. Rock on with your curly self!

Sorry for posting in your comments.
Jen said…
Liz, I love your hair. Love it. I think I'm the biggest fan of when things ARE as nature intended it - in everyone.

You look great.

I don't "get" all the stuff around straight versus curly hair because that hasn't been an issue in the neighborhood/culture where I came from, but I just love your hair. And I'm glad you feel happy with it. We should all feel happy with ourselves and our choices!

And blech on those chemicals you used to use - it just doesn't seem to fit with "you" from what I know of you here.
Toni Campbell said…
i actually stood in the "ethnic hair" aisle today. usually i just grab some oil for my locs and keep moving. but today i stopped and looked around at the relaxer boxes and the smiling faces on them promising healthy, beautiful hair. i just shook my head and kept it moving. i've been natural for over 15 years now, the majority of the time with locs and just being there made me angry and uncomfortable. good luck with your journey and your hair looks great.
Liz Dwyer said…
Miz JJ,
They were well on their way to being brainwashed, that's for sure. I got really motivated over my eldest gushing over Beyonce's hair.

Ian,
Thanks for saying so! We'll see how much I love au naturel when I get more grey hairs, right? :)

Nerd Girl,
Three cheers for admiring your beauty in the mirror and for your daughter wanting locs. Self acceptance starts at home and we definitely have got to give our kids the strength to brush off all the degradation and demoralizing society puts on them. Glad you posted all that in the comments! Very glad.

Jen,
Thanks for being so complimentary! I don't think the straight hair ever really "fit" me either. I hope things change in our culture so that more black mothers make the decision to stop chemically straightening their daughter's hair. A huge part of that is the general society embracing the natural beauty of black folks AND people in the black community not engaging in self-hating behaviors when someone does decide to just wear the hair that grows out of their head!
Liz Dwyer said…
Toni,
I hate those relaxer boxes too. And I hate the advertisements in Ebony, Jet and Essence with the smiling ladies and their freshly relaxed hair all flowing down their back. It's all an appeal to the lies we've been sold as a people. 15 years with your locs, they must be beautiful!
Anonymous said…
I love your hair straight too!!! Don't forget you can always press it to get that straight look for your man!!! I love the convience of my hair being natural and I love with my leather jacket I look like a "superfly detective" from the 70's.LOL Thanks for the inspiration!!!!
Liz Dwyer said…
Cyndee,
You need to send me a photo of you in this leather jacket hotness. It needs to get cool enough here for me to even put ON a jacket! And, ugh, pressing it... I'd probably burn it up and kill it. Maybe once in awhile but whatever. And as far as frying it for my other half... if he starts growing his locs back, then maybe! LOL!
Well I've had my hair long and short, permed and natural...wore a very short natural for over two years but finally grew it back out and permed it...never did the weave thing just don't get that!!!

Personally I like my hair long and a little straight...not into that bone straight thing...but what I like best is the fact that you can choose to wear it anyway you like now.

Society can suggest but no longer dictates you press and curl, your job can no longer tell you not to braid or loc it and there are advocates for any way you want to wear it everywhere.

I actually feel sorry for people like Beyonce and Halle because they are forced to live a stereotype that is some "ideal" by some random folks that don't actually reflect what "Main Street" thinks.

And btw, your hairstyle is cute and looks good on you because you look happy wearing it!
Brianna said…
Well said!

I actually do love your curls because I think they have so much personality...which I don't think my curls have. Mine are like boring curls, if that makes any sense!

But I do see what you are saying about straight hair and how that plays into all the internalized racism, etc. But now if you think about it, dang near every white celebrity in Hollywood wears weaves and extensions too...perhaps not for the same reasons black people do, but they've bought in to the notion that if you don't like what you've got, just change it!
Liz Dwyer said…
Carolyn,
Yes, having the choice in how you want to wear your hair is ultimately the best thing to happen. No one should feel compelled to wear their hair a certain way, that's for sure. I should've posted a picture of me smiling with straight hair, because I definitely have pictures where I look happier. That's just the last one I took with the straight hair thing going on. :)

Brianna,
You're so right! Almost all of them do wear weaves, don't they? Well, I suppose they have to because otherwise all their own hair would be damaged from all the styling. I blame it on gossip mags. If you know you might get photographed, you have to have your hair styled every day. BUT, they don't have weaves that give them a totally different texture than what grows out of their head.

I think my curls are interesting but I like yours too! I'm probably biased at this point though because clearly I'm all on an "Up with curls! Down with the flat iron!" rant! LOL!
Anonymous said…
OMG, the weirdness when people who haven't seen you in a while don't say anything! You nailed it!

It's not quite the same thing, but yeah, once my natural hair - complete with Rogue-like gray in front - was completely grown out I knew there was something bothering me that I couldn't put my finger on and that's exactly what it is. My hair looks totally different, and peeps say nothing even on a really good hair day. It totally freaks me out that they think it's horrible.

But I really like my hair, even if no one in my life (besides me!) thinks it's pretty.

Which, btw, your natural hair is so pretty! :) Love. It.
Anonymous said…
I think you hair looks gorgeous either way!
Mes Deux Cents said…
Hi Liz,

Your hair looks so great! I love it. I agree with NYC/CR, your hair really highlights your face.

You mentioned your hair being dry at times. Have you tried Shea Butter? I use it on my hair and I love it.
Tafari said…
Liz - I love it ""You have the nappiest hair of any mixed girl on earth! What is wrong with you?""

Your new hair looks great & you are so getting away with that look, even for a mixed girl that is almost hi-yellow.

I remeber when you mentioned cutting it off last year, I was in your corner then & still am. You go boo.

My youngest daughter Amelia looks to have the same texture of hair that you do & I love it when she walks around with her afro, it is so damn cute.

Tafari
Liz Dwyer said…
Lizriz,
LOL! What IS up with the not saying anything? I don't get it. "But I really like my hair, even if no one in my life (besides me!) thinks it's pretty." YES! That's exactly how it should be! Good for you.

Liana,
SO nice of you to say so! :) It had its good moments while straight but the effort to make it look decent was just too much.

Mes,
How are you doing these days? These hot, dry Santa Ana winds have been killing my hair! I probably need to get get more shea-based stuff. Do you have any recommendations or do you just buy pure shea butter? You've also been SO super supportive and encouraging so thank you for that... and thank you for saying it looks great!

Tafari,
LOL... yeah, I remember she also smacked me in the head with the brush and smeared Blue Magic all over my forehead. I was supa-shiny! I remember the first time I got called high yellow. My response? "Wait till I sit out in the sun for awhile." I certainly never lose my tan in Cali even though I wear sunblock every single day.

I want an arranged marriage between one of my boys and one of your daughters. Your girls have got so much personality and are sooo cute! Yes, you have always been in my corner regarding the hair stuff. Thank you for it, cuz! :)
Mes Deux Cents said…
Liz,

The first Shea Butter I used was L'Occitane. It's expensive and I really don’t like the thickness of it. It makes it a little difficult to use.

I recently found a really good Shea Butter from Body Time. Body Time is a local store but you can check them out online at bodytime.com. They used to be called the Body Shop. Their Shea Butter is also expensive but it’s very easy to use.

I see the raw Shea Butter at the flea market and I haven't tried it. I just don't feel comfortable with how its handled. It's always in plastic containers that don't look very sanitary.

And I'm doing fine. I'm enjoying my new job and looking forward to the rainy season. It rained here for the first time yesterday!
Liz Dwyer said…
Mes,
We had a little bit of rain here today too and I was SO happy. Thanks for the tips on the shea butter brands. I hear you on not just buying whatever random seller's plastic tub. No telling what's in there, right? Glad things are going well for you. Very glad.
April said…
You look gorgeous!!
Liz Dwyer said…
April,
You're so sweet. Thanks so much!
hannahphotoj said…
I LOVE your natural hair- and think it is incredibly beautiful. Maybe I will stop straitening my hair.... I always talk about it, but never do it.

Straightening my hair is good for 2 days, while curly is a daily shower and style thing. It's just so much more predictable and easy straight. When it is curly the curl falls out by the end of the day and it gets so frizzy... hair is such a battle!

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