I'm Going To Become a Complainer

Normally, I try to accentuate the positive and not dwell on the unpleasant things in life. For example, I'm running 24 miles on Saturday. My attitude? GREAT! Bring it on, suckas!

But then I went and read the great Mr. Write On's griping meme and I figured it wouldn't hurt to cross over to the dark side and give complaining a whirl... especially since I've been feeling a little Michael Corleone-ish the past couple of days. So here goes my foray into complaining about the irritating, annoying stuff that makes me want to dig my eyeballs out with a binder clip:

1) Foods which disgust the crap out of me: No vegetarian wants to see food porn pictures of your rare steak. I don't "get" green bean casserole, cream of mushroom soup or anything made with Hamburger Helper. I also feel nauseous if I catch even a minuscule whiff of papaya and I haven't eaten Taco Bell since I was 14.

2) Movies/TV shows I loathe: I can't stand the Bad Girls Club. Has there ever been a more insipid show? I also completely boycott the Fox network so there's no point in asking me if I like Glee or American Idol. As for movies - I hate everything with Tom Cruise. That dumb as rocks Magnolia movie robbed me of hours of my life. Frogs raining from the sky? Really?

3) Music genres I loathe: For the purposes of this question can Taylor Swift be a genre?

4) Magazines that annoy me: 90% of them. I can't take another actress doing her sexyface on a magazine cover that's splashed with schizophrenic amounts of insecurity-based self-help and materialism.

5) Makes me cranky: People in the Trader Joe's parking lot who get all hysterical and road rage-y over a spot but then go inside the store and put on their "I'm a nice indie hipster who recycles my dental floss," face.

6) Makes me cranky II: The way people talk on NPR. I know they've been made fun of before but really, do they go through voice training to learn how to talk in such a monotone, un-diverse sounding manner? I'd rather watch CSPAN with the volume turned down.

7) Pisses me off: People who complain ad nauseum about how President Obama isn't living up to expectations and didn't transform the world in one day. Folks need to grow up and look at their mayor, city council, governor and state legislature. For example, is Obama responsible for the mess those entities have created in California? I don't think so.

8) Makes me impatient: When someone I'm married to asks me if I'm ready to go and then I end up waiting in the car.

9) People I hate: I try not to spend my time hating anybody. I prefer to be indifferent to them which is, in my book, worse. That said, there is the aforementioned irrationally intense dislike of Tom Cruise.

10) I could care less about: Nude pictures of celebrities or their sex tapes. They have the same body parts that you and I do, so I don't get why everybody gets thrown into a tizzy when nekkid pictures escape from a phone or computer. I don't want to see it but seriously, it's not the end of the world.

11) Annoys the crap out of me: Passive aggressive people. If you have something to say, man up and say it. (or, er, "woman up".)

12) As a final source of irritation: Folks who diss Depeche Mode are on my ishtar list. When I tell you this is my favorite band and I've loved them since I was 11, that's not your cue to say, "Eww, really? They still make music?" or, "Gosh, I wouldn't have pegged you as a Depeche Mode fan. I mean, you're not white or gay."

Now that my griping is over, I guess I feel better. And if my list annoyed you, I don't care!

photo: RobsonBarista