Some Of Y'all Are Searching For Sex And Cellulite

Every once in awhile I get a little curious about what sort of search terms are bringing people here.

Lots of folks are looking for information on natural hair and how to do a straw set. I'm not doing straw sets anymore so I promise I'll do an update sometime in September on what I'm doing to my hair now. (Because it's so radical and cool!)

There's always someone looking for info on biracial identity. I'll admit, I laughed hard when I saw "irish n black biracial people rock" come up as a search. For the record, I don't think we rock any harder than anybody else, but it still made me smile.

I also laughed when I read "so anybody wanna run the LA Marathon?" Anybody? Anybody? Bueller?

I wonder if this person decided to start training for the marathon after coming to this blog. I'm so positive about running. I probably make marathon training sound easy. Should I should start telling my very true stories of lost toenails, post-race intestinal disasters and how much I hate running up hills?

Then there are those, er, "special" kinds of searches that really make me wonder about the state of the world. Some of y'all are searching for things that make me think you have problems.

Verbatim, from the past 24 hours:

1) grease rizzo milkshake kenickie face: The who? The what? I'm confused. I know this person likes the movie Grease, but what in the world is a "kenickie face"? -- Or maybe I don't want to know because it sounds like something that would get explained on Taxicab Confessions.

2) oversexed negro and aids: Wow, what a racist! I wish I could find the person who searched for this and slap them. If it's you, feel free to slap yourself on my behalf. There is no such thing as an oversexed negro. It's 2009, let go of the stereotype. And while you're at it, double check yourself because anyone regardless of sex, gender, race, religion, creed or color can get HIV by having unprotected sex one time with someone who's infected. No oversexedness of any kind is required.

3) i am a schoolteacher wearing a push up padded bra: Next time someone asks me exactly how the achievement gap is going to be closed, I'm going to tell them that all teachers really need to do is wear push up bras. Want low income kids of color to learn how to read at grade level? Wear a push up bra! Even the male teachers should wear them!

Sigh, I hope this person knows that trying to keep student's attention through showing cleavage won't compensate for boring lessons, and besides, auditions for Van Halen's "Hot For Teacher" video took place like 25 years ago.

4) Women in Great Britain get Asses spanking: Wow, British ladies! So much for the stiff upper lip!

In my five years of blogging I know I've never written about this. Women? Yes. Great Britain? Yes. Asses? Yes. (Especially if they are hanging out of some super low rise jeans and giving my kids an eyeful.) Spanking? Yes. But all of those terms together in one post? Maybe if I lived on the other side of the hill in the Valley where that would be a "movie" plot, but in the meantime, this is not that kind of blog.

5) i'm covered in cellulite: Don't you think if someone is truly covered in cellulite, they should get a reality show? Forget shows with eight kids and a slimy husband. I wanna see what happens when the woman with cellulite on her FACE cheeks (because she's covered with it) tries to dive into the shallow dating pool that is Los Angeles. Or maybe I have it all wrong. Maybe it's a MAN covered with cellulite! That's even MORE reality worthy!

And now that I've blogged about these topics, I'm sure I'll even more searches will lead folks here. It's a vicious cycle, I tell you! A vicious cycle!


1969 said…
None of those searches were me *cough* for the record.
Liz Dwyer said…
Mmm hmm. Sure...
I keep getting comments written in an Asian language which I can't read. I've been wondering what, exactly, brings them to my blog and always the same post of several months ago.
nick said…
Not much stiff upper lip in Britain these days, quite the opposite in fact. Every fetish and wildness you could imagine, even in sedate suburbs and rural villages. Plenty of arse-spanking, I'm sure. It's as if everyone wants to have one big party before the economy and the planet finally disintegrate.
Liz Dwyer said…
That's really weird. It could be something in your comments, because I realized that the search engines search comments as well.

"It's as if everyone wants to have one big party before the economy and the planet finally disintegrate.

You are SO spot on with that, Nick. That's exactly how things feel these days.
Wow. Just, wow. I've gotten some creepy ones, but yours might just be worse! I did have someone find my blog by searching "I french-kissed my daughter". And once I posted a review of a funny book called "porn for new moms" which prompted some pretty pervy searches.

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