Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Dear Thirty-Three,

How's it going? Hope you are having a great day. I'm pretty good, but there's something I've been meaning to speak to you about. Do you mind if we sit down and talk?

When I first met you last year, I thought, wow, you're the girl for me. You reminded me of my favorite Bulls player, Scottie Pippin, and you liked wearing black, red and white, just like me. We've had a great time together. Yes, we've had our ups and downs like any couple. It was hard at first, but I got past your dark circles and puffy undereyes in the morning. And gosh, I know I was a pain to live with during that annoying midlife crisis I had last March and April.

Come to think of it, you really were so supportive all year long. You helped me through my brother's suicide, you took that awesome writing class with me, encouraged my jogs around Silverlake and cheered me on as I lost 20 pounds over the summer. Plus, you made sure I really spoke what was in my heart. You really have been good to me, Thirty-Three.

All this makes it that much more difficult to tell you. I really want you to know, it's not you, it's me...but, you see, I met someone else. Her name is Thirty-Four. I like her. Alot. Everyone tells her she looks like she's 27 or 28. I don't really care about that, though. You see, she and I, well, we just clicked. She's really forward thinking and she just inspires me. Plus she's a Chicago girl. In fact, she loves my favorite Bears player, the late, great Walter Payton.

We're going on our first real date tomorrow. Granted, it's only to the DMV to renew my driver's license, but you know, a date is a date. And she's coming to my Depeche Mode party tomorrow night.

I'm going to tell everybody that me and Thirty-Four are together, so um, it'd be kinda awkward if you came too. Oh, don't cry Thirty-Three. I'll always cherish the memories we made together. No, it's better if you don't call or come by. Ever. We can't re-live the past. I really think it's best if we just make a clean break...Well, we can hang out for the next half hour, but that's it. I'm serious. After that, I have to go.

Thirty-Four is going to be at my house at midnight.