You're Not A Real Writer
"You're not a real writer. How can you call yourself a writer when you don't even have a book published? Just because you like to write doesn't mean you're a writer. I'd say you're more of a wannabe writer."
I had to pick my jaw up off the floor as I listened to Anonymous Superior Person pontificate. "When you're published, then you can call yourself a writer."
OK, I'm not Toni Morrison or Jane Austen (yet) but let me get this straight - If someone puts disparate words together in an effort to tell a story that speaks to the heart and soul, they're not a writer?
They're only a writer if what they write is available in hardback for $24.00 at Barnes & Noble?
What kind of snobby, short-sighted kind of thinking is that? Granted, I have a looser definition of who's a writer and who isn't. I don't believe a writer necessarily has to be published to be a writer. After all, I've heard so many tales about writers who shopped manuscripts around for years -- years of rejection -- and then one day, someone said yes, I'll publish your book. That person was still a writer for all those years that he or she crafted their book and tried to sell it.
I write both non-fiction and fiction. I get paid for the non-fiction these days. I'm really really happy about that -- but what I also want is to finish the fiction and get paid for those stories. After all, those are the ones that meander through my subconsciousness the most. I think about my characters like they're real people, real friends of mine. What will they do next is always the question in my mind.
What holds me back the most as a fiction writer - heck, as a writer, period? Self-censorship. I worry overmuch that people will disapprove of what I write... folks I know already don't like some of the things I write about in this space, and they let me know it.
Having the "I don't think you should've written that" conversation is difficult. I don't want to hurt people but also feel like I need to be able to make the decision to write what I need to write, what I want to write. It probably comes off as selfish.
I've become much more assertive in letting people know they don't have a say in what I do or don't write about, how I write it, or where I write it. And they don't have the right to tell me if I'm a writer or not.
Only a few people I know actively encourage me and ask me about my fiction writing. I'm grateful for them. Very, very grateful. They provide a morale boost when I get overwhelmed by my fears about writing. They give me that encouragement I need when I feel down after mulling over the racism and sexism in the publishing industry and how female writers and writers of color have extra hurdles to conquer... good grief, that's a depressing subject if there ever was one!
But I'm not going to stop writing. Not ever. Not even when people try to tell me I'm not a real writer.
I know you've been there - those awful conversations you have where you realize the person you're talking to is angry, bitter, unhappy in their own lives, jealous, or lacking their own creative outlet, and they feel the need to try to bring you down. Sigh.
As I stood there trying to piece together a polite response to Anonymous Superior Person's statements, I realized something that made my anger dissipate just a little bit.
Anonymous Superior Person isn't a writer and so can't possibly understand the feeling that many writers share - If we don't write, we're not whole people. We're dysfunctional, we're unhappy, we're total asshats. You WANT us to have access to a keyboard, pen or paper because otherwise, we're unbearable.
Non-writers don't care if they never have to write again. For them, writing is a chore and they associate it with those awful English composition classes from high school and college.
Since writing's not something they love, they think of it solely in terms of status. Are you published? Are you paid?
Non-writers don't understand that ultimately, writing isn't about publishing or payment status. It's about connecting to your soul, and using words to connect to the soul of the reader.
I forgive you, Anonymous Superior Person, for your thoughtlessness, but trust me, when I am a published fiction novelist, I'll make sure to never ever dedicate a book to you.
photo courtesy of Flickr user shindohd