Last Night I Slept On A Chair And Table

See that chair and table? That's where I slept last night.

No kidding, half the night I just laid my head down on the table. When that got too uncomfortable, I slid my feet down and out so that the back of my neck rested on the edge of the chair.

What brought me to such low levels? I'm in the Denver area for work and I chose the closest hotel to where I have to be this morning. Great deal... only $63.50 for one night -- and it earns an A+ in skeevitude!

Now, lets be clear, I'm not hotel diva. When I lived in China and traveled around in more rural areas, I once stayed at a place that cost the equivalent of $1 US. That was hard core for sure. But this... this is more like a cross between a bordello, a drug halfway house and a place you stay when you've been evicted.

The first sign this was going to be an adventure were the big banner advertisements hanging on the outside. Now I know, if a place advertises weekIy and monthly rates...RUN!

I come inside and questionable ladies in thigh high stockings and tons of makeup are hanging in the lobby. The guy who checked me in had tattoos on his fingers and his neck - but I can roll with tattoos. I mean, I live in LA, tats are everywhere.

And then the guy at the desk suggested that I should go in my room and lock the door - and not come out after 11 pm. Fabulous because it was 10:30 pm. Fabulous.

He also handed me a piece of paper with the hotel rules. In all my years I have NEVER seen "Vehicle repairs may not be done on the property" as a rule at a legit hotel, but sure enough, it was there along with, "Drinking alcohol is limited to inside the Guest Room only." Um, yeah, that's why there were people outside drinking and smoking when I got here.

Anyway, my room smelled really weird and the people next door were fighting, so I rang the desk and they moved me down the hall.

The second room still smelled weird but by then, the front desk was closed. I was out of luck for the night. I think the stockinged ladies of the night picked up some clients because moaning and banging came through the wall - but thankfully, only for 2 minutes. Whew, somebody lacks stamina!

The internet was through an ethernet cord - who in the sam hell still uses an ethernet cord??? And, just because they give you that cord, that doesn't mean the net will work. It went in and out and was so slow, I thought it was the year 2000, not 2010.

I was scared I'd catch cooties or worse from the bed so I stuck to the chair and was SO happy to make my escape this morning. Whew, I will be glad to head home tonight!