How "You Look Beautiful" Turns Into "You Fat B*****"

“Don’t worry, you look beautiful,” said the burly man standing next to me in the grocery store checkout line.

My peripheral vision took in his red t-shirt, sagging blue jeans and disturbing leer.

I didn't respond... which of course leads to the following:

“Actually, you ain’t all that. You got the most jacked up weave I’ve ever seen.”

It's not a weave, but whatever. I still didn’t look his way.

“And you could stand to lose 10 pounds… I take that back. Maybe 20 pounds.”

The cashier began ringing up my golden delicious apples.

“You f^*$ing fat bitch,” he continued.

And that’s when I turned , pulled off my shirt and pants, and begged him to have his way with me right there on the floor of the checkout aisle.

No, just kidding! I didn't do that, but is that what he expected would happen when he reassuringly told me not to worry because I'm still beautiful?

I'm sure there's not a single woman reading this that's surprised by this guy's 180 change of heart. This is how it always goes:

Step 1. Baby, you're hot.

Step 2. Oh, you think you're too good to speak to me?

Step 3. You're an ugly bitch.

Women never do this to men. I wish guys like this could be on a hidden camera and then have their behavior played back to them.

photo courtesy of Flickr user MrB-MMX.

Comments

Unknown said…
You can't reason with the unreasonable. But on the bright side, isn't it good that his last comment confirmed why you did the right thing in ignoring his boorish self?
Jameil said…
"And that’s when I turned , pulled off my shirt and pants, and begged him to have his way with me right there on the floor of the checkout aisle." HAHAHA! I totally did this one day just to blow a guy's mind after he dissed me. LOOK WHAT YOU'RE MISSING, BUDDY!! Riiiiight... then he woke up. That hasn't happened to me in a long time but it always made me laugh when it did!
Jennifer said…
This has happened to me so many times it's not even funny. What I hate the most, though, is when me tell me to "Smile" when I'm walking past them minding my own business. Really burns me up!
Val said…
Playing their behavior back probably wouldn't help. They wouldn't get what they did wrong.


@Jennifer

I HATE that too!
Lola Gets said…
After reading this post, I think I just might do it to men on the street, lol. Just for giggles.

L
Liz Dwyer said…
IANSJ,
He sure did confirm it. They always confirm it.

Jameil
Seriously, I have had this same scenario happen to me way too many times in my adult life and I always feel like they think I'm gonna jump their bones right then and there. It's crazy!

Jennifer,
Oh I hate that "smile" crap, too. Makes me want to punch them in the face.

Val,
There needs to be a "candid camera" show for men who do this.

Lola,
If you do, let me know. I'd LOVE to know what happens.
nick said…
What can I say? Men like that disgust me as much as they do you. They're pigs, pure and simple. I think the whole concept of masculinity and everything it implies is rotten to the core. Some common humanity and decency would be an excellent replacement.
Unknown said…
Oh, THIS. This happens all the damn time, was just reading about how this happened to Sista Toldja on her blog the other day. Have you ever had a guy you broke up with do this to you? I went on a few dates with a guy, then found out he had been married and had an infant daughter and was going through a divorce so of course I said, "Check, please!" and told him I wasn't interested in being in a drama-filled situation like that. I don't know what I did to him after only two dates, but he just would not get the hint when I kept politely telling him I was no longer interested in seeing him. Finally I got rude and told him to lose my number and leave me the hell alone. Instantaneously I morphed into a fat ugly bitch. Go figure!

When I ask my husband why dudes act like this he can only shake his head and say they're idiots with low self-esteem.
Cynthia said…
Wow!! Did I read this right?? It’s one thing to think it but what kind of people actually say it? A Superiority Complex is a self destructing trait. One day while driving down the 101 in San Francisco, I noticed to my left side a man on a motorcycle waving his arms to get my attention but I ignored him, because for 1 – HELLO!! We were on the freeway, 2 - I had my 9 year old son sleeping right next to me, and 3 - I was just not interested and extremely annoyed. He must of thought all that arm waving didn’t get my attention so he swings in front of me almost causing me to hit him. Then comes to my left side. He holds his hand up as if to ask “What’s up”? and gives me a motion to pull over. I wave my hand in a go away type gesture and yell “Hell no”! All this commotion wakes my sleeping son up just in time for him to see this man flipping his mother off and mouthing the words “F-U-Bitch”. Nice! Luckily though I know enough gentleman to dismiss this one A-hole.
Liz Dwyer said…
Nick,
They're oinking but it just sounds like words coming out of their mouths. I agree, decency and the demise of sexism would be excellent.

Elita,
What in the world!!! Sounds like he drank the koolaid that we black women are just supposed to be down with any male that even shows a LICK of interest in us. Whatever. Low self-esteem hiding under inflated egos.

Cynthia,
What in the world??? But alas, I can relate. Years ago I had someone trying to holler at me on the 110 down here in stop and go traffic and he ended up saying he was gonna slash my tires and I better watch my back. Upstanding guys need to check their fellow men's behavior!
Anonymous said…
You are indeed a beautiful woman, and there is also an award for you at my site.
Joanna said…
This happened to be once when some guy in the corner store was trying to talk to me. He was speaking spanish and I do not know a word of spanish, but I could tell from his actions that he was flirting. Of course, I could not respond and he was too drunk to realize I was trying to tell him I didn't understand him. So, he followed me out to the car, screamed "puta" (ok I understand one word of spanish)and spit on the car.
A more common experience for me has been when I am dating a man and as soon as we get into an argument, he calls me a fat so and so, meanwhile he had spent the last few weeks/months telling me how beautiful I was. So, I usually tell him he has a small penis... gets them every time.
Liz Dwyer said…
Ian,
Awards!!! (blushing) Thank you! ;)

Joanna,
LOL! I love it! I like that response! ;)

I don't know much Spanish either but I've definitely been called puta a whole bunch of times, too!
Annabella said…
Wow, I'm so glad you wrote a post on this. Personally, the men that have behaved that way towards me have been black, but the men that have told me to "smile" have been white. BUT men of both races take offense when I don't respond in a positive manner.

Los Angelista, do you think that men are more aggressive in their pursuit of you because you are mixed? As a young mixed woman myself, sometimes I can't help but wonder about that.
1969 said…
At least you can assume that your hair was looking so fabulous it couldn't possibly be your own :)

What a loser. *sigh* And I really need to meet the women that he does pick up.
Liz Dwyer said…
Annabella,
Interesting question. I think all men are capable of making comments about this, especially to women within their own ethnic/racial group. Then again, I do think there's a difference in the way different ethnicities/races interact with me. Over the years I've noticed white guys sometimes ignore or act sheepish and scared around me. It's either that or they start interacting with me like they think I'm some sort of jungle bunny.

I can't recall any instances of an Asian man doing this. Black and Latino men, yes. Not sure if that's because I'm mixed or what. I don't think so. I think women of African descent, whether we're mixed or not, are poorly regarded in our culture so it's OK to harass us and treat us like crap, and we're supposed to like it.

Also, it goes without saying, I know so many gentlemanly African American men who'd never even DREAM of behaving like this, and don't tolerate the behavior.

1969,
Haha! Good point. I'd like to meet the ladies he hooks up with too. Probably looking rough as heck!
Chumpy D said…
You have a tons more class and self control than I. I know some burly man in a red shirt that would have gotten the sh*t knocked out of him with some golden delicious apples.

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