How I Know I'm Not Getting Any Younger

Last week I was over at one of my favorite sites on the interwebs, SoulPancake, and came across one of their "Life's Little Lists" features:

One of the things I love about features like this is that a week later, I'm still thinking about it and adding things to my list... which is WAY past three things. For example...

1) Grey Hairs: For the first time in history I have grey hairs along my hairline. And I don't care if you don't like how I spell "grey".

2) Bieberectomy: I've never heard a Justin Bieber song but I know my two sons hate him.

3) Metabolism Angst: I exercise a whole lot and eat baby carrots like a bunny rabbit but am still the same size. But no, ma'am, Jen Aniston's babyfood diet is not for me.

4) I'm 36. I'm 37. I'm 38: When people ask me how old I am, I sometimes forget... and not just because I live in LA. Sometimes I accidentally tell people I'm older than I am. Oops.

5) I Think YOU Look Old: I see people in their late 20's or early 30's and I think about how freakin' old they look. Then I remember I'm older than them and wonder if I look that old too - or is their lack of sunscreen use doing it to them?

6) Cream- But Not Prince's Cream or Wu-Tang's C.R.E.A.M.: I buy anti-aging creams and am actually starting to believe they work. I frequently hover in the aisles Sephora looking at what other creams might be good, but I'm overwhelmed by the sheer number of products.

7) Age Spotting: The lady at the Clinique counter told me one of their creams would fix my "age spots". She also mentioned that my hands are really showing their age. I didn't buy anything. I just went back to Sephora.

8) What Is A Tween?: I have a nine year-old who wants to know when he'll be considered a tween. He says next year when he turns 10. I say when he's 12, even though I have no idea what tween ages are supposed to be. I hate that my kid believes this faux marketing term!

9) I Miss You Shelter/China Club/Ka-Boom/Riviera/Berlin: Whenever I talk about going dancing at a club, the sentence starts out with, "Back in the day..." or "When I was your age..." - as in, "When I was your age, people went to the club to dance, not to have simulated sex and pass it off as dancing!"

10) TV: Instead of being out dancing Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights, I'm home waiting for that Parenthood show to come on NBC. I also watch the Vampire Diaries and, although I love the show, I don't think any of the character's conflicts have been my conflicts for a LONG time.

11) Cover Up!: I complain about skirt lengths being too short. I frequently mistake dresses for shirts and have,"Is this a dress or a skirt?" anxiety when I'm in the dressing room. Never mind that I wore some insanely short skirts back in the day.

12) Flattening Up: I have more flats than heels in my wardrobe. Flats feel more comfortable. But when have I cared about shoe comfort, ever?

13) My, How You've Changed: My 20 year high school reunion is this year. I have no idea if I'm going. I hope I look different.

14) Men-o-pause: I read articles about menopause and wonder when it's going to hit me. I'm closer to that than menarche. Yeah, go look that up if you don't know what it is.

15) Depeche Mode = Fin: I've accepted that the end of Depeche Mode will probably come in the next decade. I'm already nostalgic about it.

Alas, the world is changing - but it's not all bad. Growing and changing and realizing I don't have to wear short skirts and uncomfortable shoes is not a bad thing.

Besides, remember beepers? I had to explain to my kids how if I was out, I used to page friends with a pay phone number and then I'd have to wait to be called back. You can only imagine their confusion.

What about you? What would you put on your list?


1969 said…
My boys hate Justin Bieber too! LMAO

I also watch Vampire Diaries. I hated when Stephan turned bad. :)

I co-sign all of this. I also get wierd aches and listen to my bones cracking more frequently.
Liz Dwyer said…
I hated it when Stephan turned bad too! That dude is HOT! Whew!

I get weird aches too. I gotta get it together before I'm hobbling around here with a walker! ;)
nick said…
Interesting list. Of course I'm way beyond those signs, they were back in the day, lol. I think the most noticeable sign these days is how repetitive everything seems to be. Like I remember the LAST Conservative government and how crap it was. Like I remember how decades ago people were homeless, unemployed and poor - and they still are. It's hard sometimes to believe in progress....
Jameil said…
clearly your boys hate bieber b/c all the girls love him! lol. i have to remember my age all the time but i usually go younger and get appalled when i realize i'm 27. i don't FEEL 27 at all. when i see super tanned people i think, you are going to look HORRENDOUS in 15 years. I feel old when people I grew up with have 12yos. Or 2+ kids. We're 27 & you have 3 children!! & no twins!! I think tweens are 10-12. (might start at 9... shhhh!) when i walked a lot at work i bought flats at 22 & i think they're cute so i def. have more flats than the avg.
D- said…
#10 intrigues me because it implies that there WAS A time in your life when you worried about your vampire boyfriend and witch best friend liking/killing each other/you/your town.


In which case I'm gonna need you to write a post on that...
Tracy said…
Los Angelista,

Leave the anti-aging creams alone. They don't work. At night, after you cleanse your face, slather it with organic extra virgin coconut oil. I actually use it on my entire body. It's an old Creole family secret. I'm almost the big 30 and I've been doing this since for a few years now. People mistake me for an 18 year old kid all the time! My mother's 61 but looks 41, and my grandmother always had very smooth clear skin. I use it on my kinky coily hair as a leave in conditioner as well. Really, it's a miracle oil. Use it as your moisturizer for one month and see what happens.

But don't use it during the day cause it will tan your skin which will, of course, cause wrinkles.
Liz Dwyer said…
Things do seem to be repeating themselves, don't they? I do sometimes feel like the same problems that were around when I was a kid are still around. Even with fashion, nothing feels new!

That's one reason they hate Bieber - but the other is that they don't think he's that talented. They go on rants about manufactured pop stars and how he fits a demographic. I think they've been listening to their parents talk! ;)

Yeah, folks I went to high school with have kids about to graduate from college. Wow. -- and I'm not telling him he's right about the tween age! No ma'am!

Hahaha! I plead the fifth!

OK, I'm going to totally try it. Where do you get yours? Whole Foods? That's exactly the kind of thing I need.
Tracy said…
Los Angelista,

You can get it from Whole Foods or any health foods store. I use the Nutiva brand. Spectrum is also a popular brand. Make sure it's organic and virgin. It should smell like coconut. If it doesn't smell like a coconut, it's refined and won't work on your skin properly.
Liz Dwyer said…
I found it on Amazon so I just ordered some. Thanks for the tip! ;)
Evelina said…
Oh no nr 15 on your list just made all of my hair turn grey! :) The end of Depeche Mode - unthinkable... Oh and I found your blog by googeling Martin Gore. I love Depeche Mode, can't live without them and I saw them 5 times the last tour, I was in heaven! Swedish Martin Gore crazy fan I am.

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