Maybe Cloning Isn't Such A Bad Idea After All

I've decided I need to clone myself.

Every year, the end of the school year rolls around and all hell breaks loose with my work schedule.

So, I figure it would be so useful to have another one of me running around doing a few things on my behalf. What would be even better though is if somehow I could still reap the benefits of the good things the clone does and have the clone do things I don't want to do or can't do.

Here are some tasks I could assign to my clone:

Exercise: I like to exercise but sometimes it's hard to find the time to do so when I get really busy. To fit it in, I find myself jumping rope in my living room at 5:30 am to hardcore techno. (Don't worry, no neighbors banged on my door because I was listening to my iPod while I was jumping.) But you see, if I had a clone, the clone could do the jumping and I could stay in bed and try to sleep a little bit longer.

Have Insomnia: Speaking of sleep, the clone can definitely be the one to suffer from chronic insomnia. Maybe then I can be free to try to catch some z's.

Laundry: The clone can be the one to sort the clothes, wash them and hang them on the clothes line, take them off the line, and then fold them or hang them up.

Get an Attitude: To be fair, I'm not sure if the woman in the parking lot down in Compton meant to hit me with her glass bottle when she threw it out of her car window a couple of hours ago. She might have just been doing some drive-by littering, and not actually trying to hit me. But, she did hit me with the bottle as I was walking from my car. The bottle still had some sort of orange drink in it. That orange drink got all over my clothes.

Now, my clone could have picked the bottle up and thrown it back at the car. My clone could have chased the car down, reached through the window, grabbed her by her multi-colored weave and let her know what I really think about her and her bottle. Alas, the real Liz can't do that because that's how people get shot and stabbed.

Enough about me and my clone. What about you? What would you have your clone do?

And a special shout out to all my Baha'i peeps today. Happy Declaration of the Bab! I hope no one threw any bottles at you!


Anonymous said…
Easy, my clone would get up with the chickens (i.e. my two boys) at daybreak to entertain them and make breakfast so I could sleep in just one more hour.

The orange soda all over you? Grrr that just makes me angry (and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry). So rude and uncalled for- I believe here you can call in license plates for littering, I would have totally called that person in.
What an awful thing to happen to you. I wish you had gotten her license number. Karma is small comfort when you're covered in someone else's garbage and know you could have been badly hurt. So glad you weren't.

My clone would also be assigned all my unpleasant tasks while I was lounging in Hawaii. They are too numerous to detail. She would be a very busy clone indeed.
Anonymous said…
Act like I give a ...
Liz Dwyer said…
Yep, I definitely think every mom should have a clone for the morning hustle. I never even thought about a littering number. I wonder if they have a similar thing here in LA. Seriously, it didn't even cross my mind that that could exist here. There is so much littering and trash on the streets in some neighborhoods that a couple of weeks ago when it was windy, so much trash was blowing around. It looked like a scene from a garbage dump.

Ooh, Hawaii. I've never been but I've heard it's a top destination for those with recently acquired clones. I was really considering going to the UK and letting my clone stay here, but Hawaii does sound lovely as well.
You know, as I wiped the orange drink off of myself, I really gave thanks that I'd opted for the black suit today instead of the beige. And, I'm sure karma will catch up with that lady...from the look of her jacked up weave, it may have already.

Your clone might get all worn out and might self-destruct instantly if it had to act too much! ;)
Jameil said…
she threw a bottle?!?! i def. would've gotten that license plate. chile please. my clone would def. do my laundry. she would also clean my room. and cook dinner. my clone would be my maid. is that wrong?
Miz JJ said…
My clone would definitely exercise for me. Also, my clone would clean my apartment.
With the twins (plus the big girl), I always feel like I need an extra set of hands. So my clone would do everything I can't get to. She'd fill in for me when I'm in a foul mood and serve a perfect dinner with a smile. And when I pass out at night, dog tired after a days work ('cause I know I'd still be working all day, even with the clone) she'd stay up, cleaning the house, mopping floors, doing laundry and trying to match up all of these little socks!!
Anonymous said… clone would wake up..clean that nasty diaper off the baby, then fix the "talker" (my 4 year old) some cereal, dropped them both off at daycare while I slept. While I was at work (I actually like my job) she would sweep & mop the floors, attend neighborhood association meetings and walk around with a bat and AK-47 and chase all the damn drunks and crackheads out of a 4 mile radius of my house....that's all!
West said…
I, too, wish you'd gotten the license number because it's not just a matter of littering. Throwing something from a moving vehicle is a whole 'nutha kind of offense - especially because it could (and in this case did) strike someone at the rate of the speed at which the vehicle was traveling.

Dangerous stuff.
Liz Dwyer said…
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that essentially wants a maid to do all that stuff for me! In real life, I constantly think I want to get a cleaning lady to come once a week. But, I feel so lazy guilty about it and I'd probably clean the house myself before she got here.

And the clone would have had the presence of mind to get the license plate number.

Miz JJ,
I hear you on the exercise thing. I woke up late this morning and so I don't have time to get my workout in. The clone could be doing that for me! Right now, I'm typing this response with one hand while I'm drying my hair.

Mrs. J,
Ok, I think you definitely need the clone more than I do right now. Wish I could come over and help you out myself...and are y'all still moving? Sigh, I just need to email you back (ten years later, right?). Actually, I'll write you back and the clone can respond to blog comments and dry my hair.

A bat and an AK-47? Goodness...your clone needs to be named Rambo! Or, Rambette. That sounds much more feminine.

I feel like the only person in the world who didn't think of getting her plate. I was too busy thinking, "Ow!" and then, "I know that bitch didn't just throw a bottle at me!" And by the time I was finished thinking those thoughts, the car was gone.
My clone would do all the housework that my wife has to keep reminding me about so that I could blog 24/7 and watch Lord of the Rings over and over.

Happy Holy Day to you as well, and the bottle incident does sounds irritating but it's the kind of thing I would have to laugh about later from the sheer absurdity of it.
Liz Dwyer said…
I know exactly how you feel. I could watch LOTR nonstop and I've already been accused by my husband of having blog addiction. He might be right.

Now that it's Saturday and I got a good night of sleep last night, I am sort of laughing about the bottle thing. I also really wonder if everyone else would have had the presence of mind to get the license plate number.

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