The End Of The World During "At World's End"

Thursday night found me at The Grove checking out opening night of "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End". No need for a spoiler alert here because I'm not going to tell you anything about the plot.

I'll will tell you that it's a very very long film. Almost three hours long. Don't get the large drink, okay?

No, it's not the best film on earth, but I wasn't expecting it to be. The fact that the other two were decent movies at all was a nice bonus on top of the real reason the films became successful: the eye candy factor.

I'll go ahead and confess my sins in case you haven't guessed from the picture. My main reason for going was so I could see some Orlando Bloom.

I adore Orlando Bloom. In fact, I like him so much that three years ago, I had an Orlando Bloom themed birthday party. I like him so much that I have a full-size Legolas poster in my office at work.

No, I'm not kidding.
Yes, I completely understand if you think that's a bit freakish and extreme.
No, I don't care whether you think I'm insane or not.

Orlando is hot. He's so hot, I think MIMS wrote his "This Is Why I'm Hot" song while watching some Orlando Bloom movies. But we all know that hot isn't enough for Liz. You have to be hot and a nice guy for me to be down. Orlando's niceness always comes across in his interviews.

If you're trying to think up a reason why he's not hot, like, for example, you want to say he's a bad actor, just admit it, you're being a player hater. Besides, I know I'm not alone in my adoration. In fact, I guess the parents who brought their FOUR children to "At World's End" must feel the same way that I do about Mr. Bloom.

These idiots dragged a baby that looked to be around six months old, some toddler twins, and a bigger kid into the theater. By bigger, I mean that the boy was probably, at the most, five years old. Oh, and did I mention that the baby had a stinky diaper and the father changed it in inside the theater?

Now, in case you think I'm being overtly judgmental, I'll fess up. I let my kids stay up late. I'm not one of those parents that make my kids go to bed at 7 pm, mainly because if I did that, I'd never see them. I'll also admit that I sometimes take my boys out on a weeknight. Maybe we'll get really wild and roll by the Los Feliz Toys-R-Us.

But my kids are not going to a PG-13 rated Pirate movie at 8:15 pm on a Thursday night. Only a truly selfish dumb ass takes their small children to see a movie where there are rotting pirate teeth, monsters and people getting hacked with swords. I mean, all that might scare the children. The poor little children might start to cry.

And cry they did. Profusely. During some of the action sequences, these kids hollered so loudly that I seriously thought it was the end of the world instead of "At World's End." And neither parent got up to take the crying children out.

I get the rebellion. I really do. As a parent, you can start to feel a little resentful that pre-kids, you could go to the movies whenever and see whatever you want. No "Rated G" restrictions to have to deal with. No paying for a babysitter. No having to be home at a decent hour. Hours of Orlando-gazing on a big screen instead of your TV at home...

I guess the parents figured they had paid their $12.50 admission price per child so they weren't going anywhere. Plus, they probably thought that everyone else in the theatre would merely think the wailing was some additional sound effects at the end when Will Turner...

Oh, yeah, I said I wasn't going to tell you anything about the plot. Just know, those kids weren't the only one's in there crying. (Shh...I was crying too!)


Anonymous said…
That's some attraction there, Liz.

Babies are not allowed in the theatres, nor have they been in other areas I've lived in, to ensure that the paying adults are not interrupted by ... all the attending issues. Used to bum me out, 'cuz my kids are darling....

Orlando Bloom. Isn't he kind of on the small side? (My hatin' for you.)
Liz Dwyer said…
Yeah, I don't know what it is about Orlando Bloom. He's actually tall...I think he's 5'11". He's sort of skinny, but I've never been one for the muscle-bound football type. He's pretty much the only male "star" I think is that good looking. In the first Lord of the Rings, I remember gasping aloud when Legolas first got on screen. (Pretty sick, isn't it?)

I was really surprised that the theatre let the kids in to the movie. But maybe, they don't have a specific policy on movies after a certain time or with a specific rating. Wish they did though.
I think I went to a movie about people getting eaten by sharks or something and parents took kids to that movie. I'm thinking, I'll be making 150 dollars an hour providing therapy for these kids in a few years. Oh well, you don't need a license to be a parent, so what can you say?
Liz Dwyer said…
You are too funny! I'm sure that if anyone can ameliorate the trauma those poor children experienced the other night, it's you. Now, can you hook some adults up as well? I'm sure there are plenty of folks that are totally traumatized by sitting through almost three hours of boring pirate drama!
I think I could get down like that. But seriously, they could have really trimmed the fat on that movie and it would have been really just fine. And who really believes that a skinny thing like Keira Knightley could sword fight for hours on end like that? Elizabeth Swann should have been played by Queen Latifa, a much more believable butt-kicker. And for heave sake, why introduce a 50 foot black woman and then have her do nothing but turn into a bunch of crabs and then make the weather really bad. They could have just borrowed Storm from the X-Men to whip up a typhoon and skipped the growth hormone stuff.
Liz Dwyer said…
LOL about Elizabeth Swann. I like Kiera Knightly in the role, but you're absolutely right. She never gets tired and despite taking punches left and right, she never has a bruise on her anywhere. But me, if I bang my arm or leg on anything, I have a bruise for days. I agree that the whole Calypso thing was not well thought out. After she turned into the crabs and went into the sea, I kept waiting for something more momentous to happen than that ridiculous storm. What do you think? Will there be a 4th?
Anonymous said…
I've decided that I'm not going to say one single word about your freakish love of girly-man Orlando Bloom. Not one word.

As for family night at the movies I feel you - the parents are idiots. I've never taken my 4 year old to the movies. I think I'm going to try a Shrek matinée after the crowds die down. I'm too courteous for anything less. Those parents should know by now that the opening nights at the movies are long gone. Idiots.
Liz Dwyer said…
LOL! Ok, let me guess. I think you want to say that you absolutely agree about Orlando Bloom, but you don't want to be redundant. How's that sound? ;)

My husband took the boys to Shrek on Saturday afternoon. He said there were a whole lot of kids up in there. That's the way it should be. Today I stumbled across my boys discussing the film like they're gonna be the next Roger and Ebert.

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