I Know I Look Good...But Not THAT Good!

From the title of this post, you can clearly discern that my ego is slightly out of control. It's just that I can finally add the following to my future obituary:

"So beautiful, she once caused a fender bender on the corner of 89th and Hoover"

Yes, that's right.

I was standing on the corner, waiting to cross Hoover Street so I could get in my car and head back to my office. I'm looking both ways as any good jaywalking pedestrian should. A couple of cars drive by, and then I see a very nice white car with tricked out rims crossing through the Manchester/Hoover intersection a dozen or so yards north of me. The driver's side window's down. R.Kelly's "I'm A Flirt" is blasting. Brotherman is bobbing his head to the beat...till he sees me and starts hanging out the window, hollering at me.

"Hey! Hey, girl!"

Do men really think women are going to respond to this? I know I've posed this question before, but I just don't get it! Do men seriously think a sista's going to just leap off the curb in response?

"Oh baby! I've been waiting my whole life for you to drive by and holler at me!" Yeah, right.

To be fair to our driving friend, I probably did seem to be some sort of ethereal vision of loveliness. I might have hollered at me too! After all, we each have those days where we think we look absolutely amazing.

In fact, I felt so fly, I was having one of those, "Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" kinds of days. It must have been the dress...

Ok, I'll stop trippin'. Let's face it, even if I had three hairy warts on the middle of my forehead and was missing my front teeth, some man somewhere would take it upon himself to holler out his car window.

I'm not interested. At all. Ever. So, I ignored him. No smile. No nod of acknowledgement. Nothing.

He did not give up.

Instead, this fool started leaning out the window a little more. And as his car moved forward, in order to maintain eye contact, he had to turn his head and body in order to look back at me. He started to yell, "Hey Now! Shaaa--"

I'll never know what gems of wisdom were going to be shouted my way because the next thing I heard and saw was...


Oops. Someone forgot the importance of keeping your eyes on the road at all times in case traffic slows or stops.

I have no idea why the car in front of Mr. Crashtastic slowed down. Believe me, I didn't stick around to witness the fender bender fall-out. I made a beeline across the street, jumped into my car, did a u-turn and zoomed away.

Just think, if this man had just chosen to be respectful and keep his eyes on the road, his front bumper might have been spared. And the back of the car he hit? Even though he wasn't going that fast, it was pretty smashed.

Clearly, the moral of this story is, even if the most beautiful girl in the world is waiting to cross the street, just remember that car insurance is expensive in California and people like to sue out here.

The other driver is probably already consulting a lawyer. "Ow! My neck! I think I have whiplash!"

Fellas, keep your eyes on the road! Please, no more hollering out your car windows for the rest of 2007!


West said…
As the pursuers, we've got to take our opportunities when and where they present themselves.

I'm not saying yelling at women from your vehicle is the best approach, but sometimes you've got to run, not walk, through that door. Just as a lot of guys don't seem to understand what it's like to be pursued in that manner, I think a lot of women fail to appreciate how hard it is to have to do (pretty much all) the pursuing.

Props for stopping traffic, though. ;
Jon said…
I wonder how many times that guy actually got lucky, with a name or number and not the crashing part, using his driving and hollering routine.

Flowers and traffic accidents....... don't let your ego get away from you :)~
Anonymous said…
Hey Girl (ha!),

Let me get them digits.

Go on, Mama!
Jameil said…
lmao! that's hilarious. me and my friends caused an accident while standing on the balcony at her apartment. it was funny. that's what you get for being foolish.
epikles said…
I had the most embarrassing roommate once back in Washington DC, who would cruise around in his sky blue Rambler and yell out, in his best Tennessee moonshine accent, to pretty much any female who happened to be on the sidewalk, "YOU DEVIL YOU!"
Kate said…
That is absolutely hilarious.
Anonymous said…
::New reader!:: I just saw a guy doing this to a young girl yesterday on Normandie and Manchester. I just had to shake my head. This is funny!
Shai said…
LOL. Funny what if he already had a woman. I wonder how he would explain it to her. LOL. Just a thought.
And I thought getting carded by a cute bartender was an ego boost! lol You go! ;)
Liz Dwyer said…
I don't know if I feel too much sympathy for the "pursuers". I'm mean, aren't I? I just can't picture you hollering at women from your car, and not just because you have a girl either. Men should know, didn't Prince make Appollonia chase him a little in Purple Rain? That's the tactic to take!

Don't worry, I'm sure something will happen to inevitably bring my inflated ego crashing back down to earth.

777-9311 home
867-5309 cell
But shh! Don't tell anybody.

Y'all were on a balcony and caused a crash? Goodness, I'm bowing down!

And did anybody give him the digits? If they did, I'll bet they were devil-worshippers.

It really was. I'm still laughing about it.

Welcome to a fellow Angeleno Queen! You were only a couple of blocks away from me. Maybe my guy and the one you saw are cousins.

Yeah, what does he tell her when they are supposed to go out and he goes over to pick her up, "Yeah, uh, baby, I crashed because I was tryin' to avoid hitting a stray dog." Uh huh!

Mrs. J,
I know! Last Friday when I went out with some friends, they didn't even bother to ask for ID. They just waved us all inside. Sigh. It's only kindergarteners that think I'm under 21!
I've always been intrigued by Helen of Troy, the face that launched a thousand ships.

Update to present time: Liz of L.A., the face that caused a thousand near-fatal accidents.

Oh, my.
Liz Dwyer said…
I really think it was the combination of the dress, the heels and the sunglasses...oh and the prim ballerina bun, but it's a nice thought! :) I'm renaming my blog "Liz of Los Angeles"!
Oh, now don't try to downplay it. The rest of us, the poor huddled masses who don't stop traffic, can deal. Really.

I'm only crying a little.
Anonymous said…
lol...I've never been that dude that hollers at women in the street. I always thought it might be an invasion of space, or creepy, for a 200+ pound man to shout at a nameless woman about how she completes me. That said, there a many, many women that go for that kind of thing. That guy has gotten lucky with that approach - I've seen "that guy" get lucky with my own two eyes!
the last noel said…
You caused someone's insurance rates to go up--who can claim that?
Liz Dwyer said…
Virtually passing the ultra soft tissue your way!

I have yet to hear an anniversary story that start out, "He was hollering out his car window and I just had to give him my number." Plus, "that guy" never fills anybody in when he has to head to the clinic because things are on fire! Or the woman that gave him the digits inevitably ends up saying, "He was so trifling. He opened up credit cards in my name!"

Trust me, I'm sure there's a quite a few places we could put you where you'd have the same effect! ;)
Thanks for the tissue, but don't tell Sheryl Crow.

She's a sleeves kind of girl.

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