Catalyst

It's one in the morning, the time of night the street outside actually quiets down to only a solitary car wicking it's way along the pavement. I should be sleeping, but obviously, I'm not. I can't help feeling like I'm waiting for something to happen, and if I go to sleep, I'm going to miss it. I just don't know what it is that I'm waiting for, or what I'm expecting to happen.

With our "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" mentality in this country, we're taught to believe we can control things, that something will only happen if and when we decide to make it happen. Except that's not always the way it works. Sean Bell, the black man in New York City who was fatally shot by police a couple of days ago for no apparent reason certainly could not have anticipated that he would never see his wedding day. Something happened to him that he did not expect.

I know, that's an extreme example. It's just that lately, I've had this feeling that something rather unexpected is about to change my life. Maybe I'm about to get another cold. Maybe we're going to have an earthquake soon. I don't know. Maybe it's just that I'm feeling a need for change. Do I secretly want something momentous to happen so that it will serve as a catalyst for that change?

Right now, I just need to change my state of wakefulness. I'm going to go count some sheep.