It's one in the morning, the time of night the street outside actually quiets down to only a solitary car wicking it's way along the pavement. I should be sleeping, but obviously, I'm not. I can't help feeling like I'm waiting for something to happen, and if I go to sleep, I'm going to miss it. I just don't know what it is that I'm waiting for, or what I'm expecting to happen.

With our "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" mentality in this country, we're taught to believe we can control things, that something will only happen if and when we decide to make it happen. Except that's not always the way it works. Sean Bell, the black man in New York City who was fatally shot by police a couple of days ago for no apparent reason certainly could not have anticipated that he would never see his wedding day. Something happened to him that he did not expect.

I know, that's an extreme example. It's just that lately, I've had this feeling that something rather unexpected is about to change my life. Maybe I'm about to get another cold. Maybe we're going to have an earthquake soon. I don't know. Maybe it's just that I'm feeling a need for change. Do I secretly want something momentous to happen so that it will serve as a catalyst for that change?

Right now, I just need to change my state of wakefulness. I'm going to go count some sheep.


I could be wrong, but I think the maxim only applies to good things happening. Bad things can still happen for no reason, as you've illustrated.
Deek Deekster said…
I get exactly this experience. sometimes it corresponds with moon phases. sometimes something does happen, and sometimes i just get the feeling and cannot place it. it's as strong an experience as deja vu. or jamais vu, that weird moment when something familiar becomes completely strange... you write well.
Kate said…
I get this too. I still call it wanderlust, but don't mean it in the traveling vein, more in the 'your life as a journey' vein.

Being newly married, it will be interesting to see how this plays out now that it is no longer just my own needs I have to consider.

Keep me posted on what I have in store once marriage and children are on the forefront. I'm curious to know what changes and how you handle it.
Liz Dwyer said…
So far, the only thing that's changed is that I bought a professional flat-iron instead of the drug-store kind. I straightened the heck out of my hair tonight. Maybe the change will be that all my hair is going to break off from excessive heat-styling?

Kate, you got me thinking about how I can no longer just decide to up and move to China like I did a dozen years ago. It's a good thing to have to always think of someone else first...but I do wonder...what if I could?
I think we all have such psychic feelings, but because the pace of our lives is generally so frenetic, when something does, indeed, happen, we get so caught up in the event(s) that we forget about the feeling of anticipation.

If we had simpler lives, we could probably keep track of such things better.

You have a great blog, and I'll be back. Thank you for visiting mine.
Peter said…
I read the comment you left about Philips thoughts about Peace...

Thank you for taking the time to open your heart to this simple idea...

Stay Gold!

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