Do I Want to Whip My Hair Back and Forth with Nine Year-Old Willow Smith?

Have you heard the song "Whip My Hair"? If not, it's a tune where nine year-old Willow Smith sings, "I whip my hair back and forth," a mere 67 times in three minutes.

If your ears have yet to be blessed with this masterpiece of pop music, you'll hear it soon enough because faster than you can whip your hair, it's gonna be on every KISS FM-style music station across America.

Don't listen to pop radio because you're one of those NPR only types? Don't worry, I got your back:

You know, I'd bet money that when humans finally make contact with extra terrestrials, the aliens are gonna jump outta their space ships singing, "I whip my hair back and forth! I whip my hair back and forth! I whip my hair back and forth..." 67 times.

Then they'll massacre us, throw a big party and sing about how they shook off the human haters and they're gonna keep the party jumpin' and just whip their tentacles hair back and forth.

No joke, our only hope for survival might be the aliens getting whiplash before they annihilate us all.

As for moi, if you're a child pop star and you ain't Stevie Wonder or the Jackson 5, I'm usually not trying to give you the time of day. Especially when you're nine and singing about haters. I mean, how many real haters can you have at that age when you're a privileged kid from an A-list Hollywood family that pretty much only associates with other rich families? Haters that won't invite you to tennis lessons in Bel Air?

Or is Willow talking about those haters who say, "Gee, that Willow Smith is talented but she thinks she's all that because her mom's Jada Pinkett and her dad's Will Smith. I bet they paid Jay Z for her record deal. And do you see that video? Who lets their nine year-old child wear rhinestones on her lips and sport those nail decorations?"

On the other hand, if Willow keeps it up, move over Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber! As people whip their hair back and forth, Willow's face will be the one plastered over the almost 100% white covers of teen mags like Bop and Tiger Beat. It's like black teen stars are on some "do not put their ashy behind on the cover" list so a little color will be a very good thing. Black kids will no longer have to walk by those magazines and think, "There's no one that looks like me on that cover. No one. SOB!"

Can't you just see the self-esteem of black children everywhere skyrocketing as Willow's career blows up? And screw all those stuffy education reformers who think teachers having high expectations is the key to changing public education. Pfft! Black kids need only whip their hair and shake the haters off, and the achievement gap will begin to close!

Added bonus? Willow's so positive, she's already mashed up into Sesame Street's awesome ode to natural hair:

Hmm... I think I like that video version better than the official video.

I went and asked an official Los Angelista expert, my own nine year-old, Mr. O, what he thought of Willow Smith and her Whip My Hair-itis. He watched the video and at the end he asked, "Are you sure she's the same age as me?"

A look of perplexed surprise crossed his face when I told him yes.

"Wow. It's good... Wow! But, I'd say it's maybe not for kids because I don't understand what she's singing about. But wow, she's talented."

Talented, indeed. Willow will turn ten and land the cover of Teen Vogue. By the time she's 15, she'll have her own fashion line... and by the time she's 21, she'll have a Grammy, an Oscar and a Tony Award.

Let's just pray she doesn't turn into the next generation's Lindsay Lohan. (Fingers crossed).

In the meantime...

I whip my hair back and forth! I whip my hair back and forth!
I whip my hair back and forth! I whip my hair back and forth!
I whip my hair back and forth! I whip my hair back and forth!
I whip my hair back and forth! I whip my hair back and forth!
I whip my hair back and forth! I whip my hair back and forth!
I whip my hair back and forth! I whip my hair back and forth!
I whip my hair back and forth! I whip my hair back and forth!
I whip my hair back and forth! I whip my hair back and forth!
I whip my hair back and forth! I whip my hair back and forth!

That's only 18 times. My neck hurts.


Tafari said…
While you are doing all that whipping over there, I hope your HMO covers chiropractor visits!
Liz Dwyer said…
Didn't you hear? Chiros are saying whipping your hair is the newest treatment for neck injuries! It's a cure all! ;)
Casey said…
I'm gonna bet that she actually only said it 1 time, and then someone got to push a button 67 times. I think she would have gotten tired of saying it that many times. I mean, she's 9 years old... that would be like writing the phrase 67 times for punish work.
My middle daughter hates the song but says that it has such a catchy beat that she finds herself singing it after hearing it on the radio. Personally, I admire Will and Jada for giving their children careers at such a young age. This way they don't have to worry about being knocked off for their millions by their kids.

I grew up in the age of the Jackson Five so MJ was always on the cover of Tiger Beat and the teen mags. Those pictures covered my bedroom walls as I dreamed of being Mrs. Michael Jackson some day...*sigh* we can see that NEVAH happened! *LOL*
the last noel said…
Call me old school, but Devo's "Whip it, whip good!" still rocks me out more than ever.
Liz Dwyer said…
HA! I think you might just be on to something with your hypothesis! ;)

I feel the way your daughter feels about a lot of songs (that G6 song). I don't blame them for hooking their kid up with a career either. I hope the kids don't end up writing a tell-all in 30 years.

Too cute that you dreamed of being Mrs. MJ! ;) I never bought any of the teen mags when I was that age but I remember MJ and New Edition being on them. They weren't super diverse then but they're SO undiverse now!

Clearly, I'm old school too because that Devo track is still the bombdizzle. ;)
nick said…
The way things are going, if we get contacted by aliens they may turn out to be a lot more civilised than us. Faced with the daunting challenge of saving us from our increasing decadence, they'll just flee to their spacecraft and shoot back to Planet Alien pdq.
Nerd Girl said…
I can't stand that song. It irritates me to no end. Fortunately, I've never heard it on the radio - just in blogland.

I had some of the same reactions you did. She's a nine year old kid, how many haters can she possibly have? And whipping her hair back and forth is certainly not something I am encouraging my daughter to do.

I don't like it and if my kiddo never hears it, I'll be perfectly great with that! I've been called a hater, but could care less. I don't like stuff just because a kid does it.

As for me and my house? We're gonna keep listening to the Jackson 5, Bob Marley and um, the Red Hot Chili Peppers and let Willow whip her hair elsewhere.
Liz Dwyer said…
The aliens are going to come and destroy auto-tune, meaning most of today's singers will be out of luck!

Nerd Girl,
I haven't heard it on the radio yet either - but that's probably because I only listen to XM stations. My kids told me that there's a lot of buzz at school about the song and video. I guess recess time is gonna turn into hair-whipping contests! ;)
steffb said…
I'm ashamed to say that I spent most of my time in wonder of how much she looks like a perfect blend of her mom and dad! I mean, have you watched Hawthorn? Willow's got her mom's look DOWN! With a little cutie-pie daddy in there too.

I do have that song going through my head now, thanks a lot. And my daughter loves Jackson Pollack and wants to paint like that constantly so we will NOT be watching this video in our house. All I need - a kid with paint in her hair demanding to wear fake jewels on her eyelids and lips. Not so much.

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