You've Lost So Much Weight

I've never liked seeing a woman who's recently lost a bunch of weight being cooed over by other women.

You know how it is, folks say, "Oh my gawd! You've lost so much weight! You look amazing! I can't believe it! You look soooo much better!"

I've found that whole thing incredibly annoying in my own life because it's always felt like what's being said is, "You looked like crap before, but now... now you're worthy!" So, as a rule, I avoid commenting on the weight of my friends and acquaintances.

I know through my own experience that sometimes people don't have time, or don't make time, to exercise or eat properly, or else they going through things emotionally that make their weight go up or down. I'm fine talking about those sorts of things and trying to help folks (or myself) out in that regard, but I'm not one to say, "You look amazing!" just because someone's thinner. Whether they're fatter or thinner is really none of my business and there's enough other people to coo about their weight, especially here in LA, that I don't need to add my two cents.

However, this morning, my resolve to not comment about another woman's weight gain or loss was really challenged. After dropping my kids off at school I ran into another mom that I've been a little friendly with over the past couple of years. She looks like a totally different person.

Last June she was weight-wise, like a really big Rosie O'Donnell. But now? She's lost like half a person in three months. She's quickly lost the kind of weight that most folks who've called Jenny and weighed in at Weight Watchers only dream of. No, she's not Posh Beckham thin, but she's ALOT thinner.

I confess I only half-listened as she talked about her eldest daughter finally going to high school and all the drama with teenage boys calling the house. As she talked, I found myself wondering if perhaps she'd had gastric bypass, except she was never morbidly obese so how could she even qualify for that? Then I started wondering if maybe she'd gone down to Mexico to get gastric bypass... because I've known plenty of folks over the years who've gone home to Mexico to get medical care.

She talked about the new park by our neighborhood school and I mentally mulled over gastric bypass /vs/ some sort of hard-core Atkins regimen /vs/ master cleansing /vs/ drugs. And, just when I was reminiscing about the girl I knew in college who lost 20 pounds over Christmas break by taking speed, this mom says to me, "It's just been a hard summer. We haven't had any money."

She went on to tell me how her husband got laid off from his last construction job back in the middle of May and she hasn't been able to find steady work either. They've been getting by on unemployment.

I asked her whether she's applied for food stamps and she told me that she tried but she's had major problems filling out the paperwork, missed some sort of deadline and got discouraged. I have no idea how to apply for food stamps so I was as good as useless as far as advice goes. We kept talking and as I listened to her share a bit more about what their financial difficulties have been, I started to form another opinion about why she's lost so much weight.

Without my asking, she smiled as she said, "You see how thin I am? It's the thinnest I've been my whole life. It's cuz I give all the food to my husband and my kids."

I can't tell you how glad I was that I didn't say, "Oh my gawd! You're soooo thin! You look AMAZING!!!" when I first saw her. This was no situation where someone's trying to lose some pudge just to look better or fit into a smaller size of clothing. Far from it. She's not eating because she's giving all the food she has to her four children and her husband... and she's probably too stressed to eat anyway.

We talked for a few more minutes and then I told her to take care of herself. She assured me that she was going to go to some food banks or churches for help. And then we said goodbye.

Sadly enough, now I find myself wishing that I could break my rule and compliment her being thinner. I wish I could hear how she's lost the pounds because she's given up carne asada for tofu, or because she's eating salads every day. But in this economy, that is not to be.