It's OK To Cry On September 11th

Someone please tell me what made me decide that September 11th would be the perfect day to go to the dentist? I had no idea they can shoot so much anesthetic into your mouth that you'll lose physical control of your tear ducts - meaning that the eye on the numb side of your face will water uncontrollably for hours. I wanted to slap a sticker on my forehead that said, "I'm crying because I went to the dentist, not because it's September 11th."

At least, not at that exact moment I wasn't. I had my crying breakdown around five in the morning. I don't know how anybody who was alive on September 11, 2001 doesn't get emotional on this day. I still have a hard time wrapping my head around what happened - because what happened is completely insane and so surreal. Like, really? Did some completely spiritually and morally bankrupt mother effers really fly planes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon? Did that really happen? And then the tears come because yes, it did.

By 7:00 I had my game face back on and I was in Santa Monica to run six miles with my running club. 59 degrees, overcast and the run completely rocked the house. Plus, since I'm a mentor for my pace group, it was so rewarding to help the newbie marathoners get through the distance.

I came home, showered and headed to my dentist's office in Beverly Hills. After over three decades of cavity-free living, I've suddenly become BFF's with the dentist's drill - and I have a very low tolerance for pain. It took four shots along my gum line and one in the roof of my mouth to numb me up. The shot in the roof of the mouth... my gawd, the pain from the needle shoots all up in your nasal cavity and wow, it hurts like hell.

Of course along with being ridiculously painful, it numbed the entire left side of my body, including my ability to control my tear ducts. An hour after I left the dentist, I was still crying -but only on one side of my face. All that anesthetic made me feel so out of it, I came home and passed out on the couch for five hours... and had horrible nightmares about September 11th.

After I woke up, I wondered why it is that I feel this weird pressure to not emote, to not cry today.

In memory of what once was, with two minutes till September 11th is over... I'm going to cry again.


Anonymous said…
What do you think about the conspiracy threories in the 9/11 events?
Jen said…
I was out of sorts all day - not in the usual sense, but just not knowing what to DO with myself. I ended up learning about the Girl Effect (I wrote about it on my blog) and it made me feel hopeful.

It's sort of my personality - not trying to be pollyanna, but I guess I want to try to get good out of the worst tragedies. Like, can SOMETHING good come of this?
Jameil said…
You seem like the quintessential running mentor!

We feel pressure to emote because there's this sense not necessarily that we should be over it but that it should hurt less after 9 years.
Liz Dwyer said…
Depends on which conspiracy theory you're referring to. Are you talking about that Loose Change movie and that sort of thing?

I agree about trying to get something good out of it. It's the best way to move forward - and I think that has to happen in our own six degrees of separation because goodness knows the national dialogue in the media does NOT focus on those things. I'll come check out the Girl Effect. Never heard of it before.

I like being a mentor, that's for sure. It keeps me motivated and I like seeing other people feel and be successful at such a huge challenge.

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