If You Didn't Vote Yesterday, You're a Total Loser

If someone asks you if you voted yesterday and you say one of the following...

1) Um, yeah. I wasn't sure where my polling place was and I got stuck in traffic so I couldn't make it.

2) Voting's just picking the lesser of two evils. All those politicians are dirty.

3) It's all rigged by the Illuminati so I don't vote.

4) Well, I'm not super informed about the issues so it's probably a good thing that I didn't vote.

5) It was election day?

...then you're a total loser.

Yeah, I said it. If you didn't vote yesterday, you're a total loser. And I better not hear you complain not once about anyone who's in office that you don't like, or any state laws, propositions or ballot initiatives that got passed that you don't agree with.

If you didn't vote, don't go complaining today, tomorrow or a year from now about how you don't like John Boehner as Speaker of the House.

Now if you want to complain about his orange fake tan, go on ahead and do that. Orange-ness that orange-y should be illegal.

Tyra Banks needs to put Boehner on the next show she does about People Addicted to Fake Tans.

Tell him to stop looking like he's trying out for the geriatric Ohio version of the Jersey Shore.

And if you believe His Oranginess' skin tone is au naturale and he just can't help it, clearly, that means that Boehner has... some black relatives, right?

Yeah, that must be those throwback genes coming into play. I can see the headlines now... John Boehner discovered passing for white!

So please, feel free to complain about politicians passing for white and orange skin and bad comb overs, but if you didn't vote, shut the #*$^ up about everything else.


Tafari said…
I cannot handle his complexion at all!
Jameil said…
GIRL! I'm on a college campus and many people said they didn't know you didn't have to have an NC license to vote. WHAT THE HECK!!?!? Even IF that's true, why wouldn't you vote absentee in your home state??? UGH!!
Liz Dwyer said…
People should start sending him bottles of Orangina!

See, that's ridiculous! If you don't know how to vote where you live, find out! Excuses, excuses!
Rosita said…
It drives me crazy, I totally agree. I take voting very seriously, to the extent I actually went and voted 4 years ago literally 6 hours after giving birth (I got a note to get to the front of the line). The baby came 2 weeks early (had it been around his due date, I would have done an absentee ballot) and it was a very close election (actually took over a week to be called). There are just very few legitimate excuses in my book.
nick said…
I've always voted in every election, even if it's for some obscure candidate who probably won't get elected. As you say, if you haven't voted, how can you complain about whatever political crap is being served up in your name? Voting in the UK is still voluntary but I strongly believe it should be compulsory to avoid phoney results based on tiny unrepresentative turnouts.
Its interesting in my county I only had to vote for one senator who regained his office in a walk and the sheriff. We must be off the cycle in NJ...but I'm kinda glad the Republicans won the house. Now they will have to explain why in 2 years things haven't markedly changed. Because contrary to public opinion it took 8 years to get us to this place and it will take time to get us out.
Liz Dwyer said…
You are hardcore! Voting after giving birth! I'm so impressed. I think there are few legit excuses as well, but sometimes I do wish they'd put in a "none of the above" bubble.

I think it should be compulsory as well, and I think it should be simpler for people to vote than it is now.

America is seeming impatient these days. We want instant change. It's like we're afraid to admit that meaningful change doesn't happen overnight. And we're selfish. We're not thinking about changing things for our children -we're thinking about what's in it for us.
Lotus Flower said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lotus Flower said…
Liz, as usual, you hit the nail on the head.

I got into the EXACT same discussion with these idiots on Facebook. From people barely past 18/19 to folks pushing 40 whining about why they should vote. Some of the following statuses on the live feed:

"Why are people so compelling when it comes to voting? I'm in no way political, why should I vote?"

"I ain't gon' vote. Is dat a bad thing? I bet half da people votin don't even know who dey votin fo'. Fuck politics man"

"I don't even know who the candidates are. That's why I'm not voting" (Um, what's that modern technology you're using right now? The INTERNET).

"When are you going to learn that people shouldn't force voting on other people" (This was minus all the spelling and grammatical errors).

And of course that tired-ass line of:

"I'm not voting because of the two-party system".

Needless to say, when I called them out on it, they either said I was too "worked up" or that I was "crazy". The scary part is these are people I actually KNOW. The same people who rant and rave about how effed up politicians are or how the gov't "doesn't care about the American people". Smh. I don't even want to hear it.

People complaining about a basic American right being practiced in a democratic society that many people in other countries - including the country of my own parents - do not have.

Some Americans are truly sad.

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