5 Things I Learned About Blah People This Week

It’s an eternal truth that politicians lie. This week we found out that modern politicians like presidential candidate Rick Santorum lie about what they’ve said even when there’s video footage to contradict the lie.

Thanks to Santorum we know that it's possible to dogwhistle to a mostly white crowd of Iowans by saying "I don't want to make black people’s lives better by giving them other people’s money." Then, when you're called on your racism, you can have the audacity to go on Bill O’Reilly’s talk show and say, "and I didn't say that. If you look at it, what I started to say is a word and then sort of changed and it sort of—blah—came out. And people said I said black. I didn't."

Blah people. Gosh, it turns out that this week I learned a LOT about blah people. For example:


1. Weight Loss Companies Like to Hire Blah People: Jennifer Hudson and Charles Barkley for Weight Watchers, Mariah for Jenny Craig, and Janet Jackson for NutriSystem.  Blah celebrities are getting PAID to sell losing the chub and getting fit. So why do some folks give our blah First Lady Michelle Obama a hard time for promoting getting fit through exercise and eating right--for free? Oh wait, is it because she's blah?

2. Blah Teenagers Born in the U.S. Can Get Deported to Columbia: Texas teen Jakadrien Turner ran away from home at the age of 13. She was arrested for shoplifting a year later, gave a false name to police--yes, there was drama back home and she probably didn't want to go back to her parents--and ICE deported her, even though she spoke zero Spanish. Turner is now 15 and, thanks to Facebook, she was found by her grandmother--working as a maid and pregnant. Yes, our blah president, Barack Obama, has been informed that someone effed up.

3. Blah Girls Are Experts At Articulating Racism: Comedienne Franchesca Ramsey was my heroine this week with on-point her "Shit White Girls Say...to Blah Girls" video. I have had almost every one of these things said to me, especially the part about suntans and "twins" and ALL the hair crap. It went viral--over 2 million views in just a few days--because it's such smart commentary and it's hilarious. I keep watching it to make myself laugh.

4. More White Iowans Are On Welfare Than Blah Iowans: Really, less than 10 percent of welfare recipients in Iowa are blah. That means over 90 percent are NOT blah. Hmm. I guess hard facts aren't important to politicians. Not when it comes to blah people.

5. Blah People Aren't Sitting Back And Twiddling Their Thumbs Over Rick Santorum: No, modern blah folks will rake a fool like that over the coals, mocking him with tweets like "I'm not racist. Some of my best friends are blah." I saw variations of that one so many times I can't give credit to just one person.

How Santorum didn't get laughed out of the country with that crap, I'll never know. Oh wait, he's not blah, is he?