Blame Wiz Khalifa: Five Things I Learned on Halloween
"So, what did you do when you were a teenager?" I asked. "Did you still go trick-or-treating?"
"Oh no," my mom replied. "When you were in high school, you didn't involve yourself in kids stuff. That's for children. Not like it is now."
I thought about that as I went door-to-door with my sons. Indeed, here are five lessons I learned on Halloween.
1. Adults need to give up the trick-or-treating: If you're a grown man dressed as a zombie, you're going house to house trick-or-treating, and you have zero kids accompanying you, guess what? You look like a crazy pedophile. Or a serial killer.
1A. Adults need to give up the trick-or-treating: If you're a woman carrying an infant that's not even dressed in a costume, you are NOT trick-or-treating for your baby. Your child can't even EAT chocolate or candy because she has no teeth.
2. Sexy bumblebee is the new sexy nurse: I blame Wiz Khalifa with his dang "Black and Yellow" song because I saw at least four sexy bumblebees, tricked out in in black and yellow tops and booty shorts. One wore fishnets under the shorts and heels...to walk her kids door-to-door. Of course, she started complaining that her feet hurt and ended up walking around barefoot.
3. Not every Anakin goes to the dark side: Especially not when it's this cutie. Dear God, please don't let him grow up and start dressing in a sexy bumblebee costume, or trick-or-treating when he's pushing 40.
4. It is possible to OD on candy: I worked from home today with my youngest, Mr. T, after he woke up this morning moaning and writhing in his bed. Poor baby ate waaay too much candy last night. But, I still don't think he'll ever top the year that he ate so much candy that he got an intestinal blockage. For real. Yes, I am that horrible mom that told him, "Sure, eat as much as you want."
5. Mr. O needs to play Jack Skellington in a stage production: Yes, Jack Skellington set up shop in someone's front yard for like 5 minutes. Once people started snapping photo of him, he was thrilled. He didn't even budge when a serial killer came along. Good grief, do I have a Hollywood kid or what?
Fortunately, now that it's November, we no longer have to see stories with titles like "5 Reasons You Shouldn't Wear a Risque Halloween Costume to Work" floating around the web. Now it'll be all "5 Way to Make Your Turkey Tastier Than Your Mother-in-Law's Turkey" and "Three Tips for Surviving Your Crazy Family Thanksgiving."
I'd rather read pumpkin carving tips, so can Halloween come back?