I Forgot My Fourth Twitterversary: Good Thing I'm Not Married to the Fail Whale!

It's a good thing I'm not married to Twitter, because if I was, I'd be in the dog house right now. When I woke up this morning I realized that the fourth anniversary of me saying "I do!" and entering a social media civil union with Twitter was July 8. Which was last Friday.

Fortunately, I think the Twitter Bird and Fail Whale will get over my lapse in memory. After all, since I'm a Twitter granny, I figure I deserve a little bit of slack.

When I first joined Twitter, no one else I knew used it and most people thought it was totally stupid. A bunch of those folks are now hardcore Twitter addicts. I probably used to be a little addicted, but nowadays I don't feel like the world is going to end if I can't post something to my feed or read what others are posting. Of course, that doesn't mean I don't still love the service. I really believe Twitter is most awesome when...

1. I'm watching Mad Men by myself and need somewhere to express, "Noooo, Don! Don't marry your secretary!"
   
   
2. Someone in booty shorts bends over in front of my 10-year-old son, and I really want to tell them about themselves, but I'm scared that a physical altercation may ensue if I say, "Um, excuse me, but we don't want to see all your goodies," So I go and tell Twitter all about it.
   
   
3. During awards shows, there's nothing like having my belief that Taylor Swift is kinda annoying, Kanye is drunk, James Franco looks majorly high, and J.Lo should fire her stylist confirmed by everyone else tweeting about those same things.
   
   
4. Figuring out what outfit to buy is MUCH easier when I can tweet a picture of myself and ask my followers, thumbs up or down.
   
   
5. When I'm running, it's fun to tweet, "I'm at mile 15. Only 9 more to go!"--all the while knowing most folks think I'm insane. But since I've told the world I have nine more miles, that means I actually have to run them.
   
   
6. I know folks who met on Twitter and are now married. This is the epitome of awesome right here.
   
   
7. I enjoy being able to occasionally tweet, "Walmart is the devil." Because they are.
   
   
8. Connecting with awesome Depeche Mode fans, natural hair divas, educators, other writers and all around cool people in ways that were impossible a few years ago is pretty fab
   
   
9. There's no place better to find out about real events happening in the world. It was pretty amazing that Twitter was my first news source during the Japan earthquake and Tsunami.
   
   
10. President Obama sent his first tweet last week. He'll soon be sending another one directly to me arranging the marriage of his daughters to my sons.
    

But you know what drives me insane about Twitter? Other people are always trying to tell someone else how they should use it. I wish they'd shut up.

If you don't want to tweet about Phineas and Ferb or Demi Lovato having the number one song on iTunes, then don't. But seriously, leave the folks who do want to do that alone. You don't have to follow them if you don't like their tweets.

If all you want to do is tweet links to articles you think are awesome, great. I promise it won't make me think you're any smarter.

Likewise, if you want to use Twitter as a super public chatroom, and cut up like you're hanging out with your best sistergirlfriends, go for it. I won't hold any clowning you do against you in the morning.

If you can do both, even better.

As for me, like an old married couple, I'm shocked by how quickly the time flies. Four years passed with the blink of an eye. The question remains, will I give Twitter four more? (sure, why not?)