When You're "Hung", Prostitution Is An Option
Do you watch this show "Hung" on HBO?
I've never seen a single episode but apparently the premise is that a high school teacher in suburban Detroit runs into tough financial times. He needs money to support his children and he needed it yesterday.
Instead of going for a part time night job at Macy's or the Gap, or maybe tutoring rich kids on the weekends - y'know, like most other teachers - he opts for the most logical choice of all: he becomes a male prostitute.
Do you see what the systematic underfunding of public education has wrought? Teacher's salaries are so low that this handsome man is forced to peddle his sexual prowess in exchange for cash!
For Shame! Forget about your recession-justified budget cuts! Raise those salaries immediately so no other man is ever put in this position again!
Then again, it's the perfect job for this guy because he allegedly has the largest penis in the metro Detroit area.
Get it? He's "hung". Here I was naively thinking he was going to be hung, as in the school board's going to string him up and put him on unpaid leave after they uncover his secret escort lifestyle, but the head of human resources is probably trying to employ him on an, ahem, "consultant basis".
Unfortunately, his hung status didn't make his wife stick around, but who cares about that heffa!
He has satisfied customers! They include, as pictured, the head of the P.T.A., one of his student's moms, and, right smack in the middle, your grandma!
Don't be mad that I outed your grandma's escort employing habits. Look at her in the center picture! Why do you think she has a smile on her face and slips you a $20 every time she sees you? It's because she's satisfied!
She's so satisfied, she even volunteered to be in advertisements on display all across Los Angeles.
I'm not kidding. The advertisements are everywhere. Last night, my six year-old, Mr. T, saw one and informed me that "hung" rhymes with "lung", and then he asked, "But why are those ladies satisfied customers?"
Not one to be left out of the conversation, nine year-old Mr. O chimed in. "Yeah, what's that Hung show about, and can we watch it?"
I should call up Time Warner cable this morning and see if I can get HBO just so my boys can tune in. I'm sure exposure to such fine writing will help them out somehow, and at the very least, there'll be some amazing life lessons for them to learn, especially the one that when times get tough, resorting to prostitution is an option.