When You're "Hung", Prostitution Is An Option

Do you watch this show "Hung" on HBO?

I've never seen a single episode but apparently the premise is that a high school teacher in suburban Detroit runs into tough financial times. He needs money to support his children and he needed it yesterday.

Instead of going for a part time night job at Macy's or the Gap, or maybe tutoring rich kids on the weekends - y'know, like most other teachers - he opts for the most logical choice of all: he becomes a male prostitute.

Do you see what the systematic underfunding of public education has wrought? Teacher's salaries are so low that this handsome man is forced to peddle his sexual prowess in exchange for cash!

For Shame! Forget about your recession-justified budget cuts! Raise those salaries immediately so no other man is ever put in this position again!

Then again, it's the perfect job for this guy because he allegedly has the largest penis in the metro Detroit area.

Get it? He's "hung". Here I was naively thinking he was going to be hung, as in the school board's going to string him up and put him on unpaid leave after they uncover his secret escort lifestyle, but the head of human resources is probably trying to employ him on an, ahem, "consultant basis".

Unfortunately, his hung status didn't make his wife stick around, but who cares about that heffa!
He has satisfied customers! They include, as pictured, the head of the P.T.A., one of his student's moms, and, right smack in the middle, your grandma!

Don't be mad that I outed your grandma's escort employing habits. Look at her in the center picture! Why do you think she has a smile on her face and slips you a $20 every time she sees you? It's because she's satisfied!

She's so satisfied, she even volunteered to be in advertisements on display all across Los Angeles.

I'm not kidding. The advertisements are everywhere. Last night, my six year-old, Mr. T, saw one and informed me that "hung" rhymes with "lung", and then he asked, "But why are those ladies satisfied customers?"

Not one to be left out of the conversation, nine year-old Mr. O chimed in. "Yeah, what's that Hung show about, and can we watch it?"

I should call up Time Warner cable this morning and see if I can get HBO just so my boys can tune in. I'm sure exposure to such fine writing will help them out somehow, and at the very least, there'll be some amazing life lessons for them to learn, especially the one that when times get tough, resorting to prostitution is an option.


Tafari said…
You just reminded that I need to set my DVR! I love this show and all of it's super white dumbness.
Liz Dwyer said…
It is sort of curious that all the satisfied ladies are white... and he's in the Detroit area. Hmm. No sistas are interested in a "hung" white guy? I could make all KINDS of inappropriate comments right now so I'll just stop my train of thought right there.
Anonymous said…
We truly do live in a bizarre and distasteful time. Hmm, never thought of that when I was teaching school.
Liz Dwyer said…
Mr. Write On,
I'm sure you would've been quite the success if you had! ;)
nick said…
And presumably it also perpetuates the myth that prostitution is just another routine employment choice. No exploitation, no violence, no emotional trauma, no sexual diseases. Just loadsa dosh and admiration.

Well, it might be that way for the guys maybe. But I doubt it.
ROTFLOL! Seriously though I think HBO's series are just getting whackier and whackier!
It's hard to express my outrage. What happened to all the nice people? You know the ones who try hard, do their best and overcome obstacles?

Why does a teacher have such a lack of resources that he must rely on something genetic?

Really, the message is: your mind is crap. Loving is stupid. Hard work is for the birds. It's really your genetics that get you rich.

Anonymous said…
Although you are discussing a very important subject (i.e. prostitution), I couldn't stop laughing at the way your blog was so cleverly written.
Liz Dwyer said…
You mean there's other choices??? ;)

It sounds racy and folks think "racy" sells these days.

Nice people are boring and un-story-worthy. They never do interesting stuff like prostitute on the side.

Thanks for enjoying it. I try to have a good time here - sometimes I'm successful at it.
K. Rock said…
I have never seen the show but you have made me want to watch it (although clearly that was not your purpose)
Liz Dwyer said…
K. Rock,
Piqued your curiosity? Come back and tell me if it has male full-frontal nudity. That's almost never seen on TV, even on cable.

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