Letters From Los Angelista - Featuring Vivica Fox's Awful Wigs
I have a few letters I'd like to send:
Dear L.A. Guys,
I know some of you think it’s cool to buy a used police car at auction and then ride around in it like you’re totally badass, but really, how wack are you? You’re driving around in a banged-up reject police car!
Don’t you know you only get cool points if there’s lights, sirens and a uniform (that you look hot in) attached to the car? And as if you’d ever get any girl to, ahem, ride in the backseat. Heaven only knows what kind of crackheads have barfed back there. Epic. Fail.
Dear “I only tweet interesting links, not personal stuff” Twitter Users,
I get it - you only tweet interesting links because you think it shows everyone else how erudite and cosmopolitan you are. You leave colorful commentary such as -
- to the plebian masses – of which I am clearly a proud, card carrying member. FYI, it's possible to share cool links AND socialize. Do us all a favor. Lighten up and drop the annoyingly self-important tweets because they're freaking boring.
Dear Vivica Fox,
I know years of weaves and chemicals have reduced your hairline to a shadow (if that) of it's former self. However, what in the Smokey Robinson have you been puffing on to think that any of us want to wear your wig line?
And if you like Vivica's wigs, I'm praying for you. "Lord, hear my prayer. Heal this delusional child from the confusion which has gripped her brain!
Dear Tiger Woods,
Kudos to you for mostly staying out of the news for the past couple of days.
I still can't stand you.
Sigh. If only I had email or snail mail addresses... but I don't. Thank goodness I at least live in a land where I have the freedom to type out fake letters on my blog.