Tax Day Public Service Announcements

Ah, Tax Day is here again.

I hope you're already filed and planning how you're going to spend save your forthcoming return or rebate check. However, if you're on track to be one of those poor souls we all see sweating bullets at the post-office on tonight's 11:00 news, stop reading right now and step away from blog addiction.

Now that we have that all cleared up, if you are finished with your taxes, you deserve to keep reading. I have some public service announcements (PSA) for you!

PSA #1: Be Bitter AND Elite
The words "bitter" and "elite" are not mutually exclusive.

I'm a little bitter that gas is about to hit $4 a gallon here in El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Ángeles de Porciúncula.

I'm also elite because when I head to the 'Bux, I order a soy chai with a shot of sugar free vanilla, extra hot. Oh, and I went to some super prestigious universities and got a great educmakasion. And, I have lots of student loan debt to show for it! -- Oops, forget about that little mention of student loan debt because we weren't talking about bitterness anymore, were we? Hmm, now I know why people love Jon Stewart.

Could you possibly be bitter and elite, too?

PSA #2: Free Iced Coffee
I don't drink coffee anymore but I know you probably do. So, if you live in driving distance of a Southern California McDonald's, today's your lucky day! Here's a coupon for you to enjoy a FREE iced coffee at Mickey D's! I'm sure it'll be loaded up with sugar because it is McDonald's and the sprinkle sugar on everything over there, (watch Supersize Me if you don't believe me) but heck, it's free and you might like it. And did I mention it's free till May 5th? You could print out a bunch of these coupons and go to a different Mickey D's every day of the week!

If you don't live in Southern California, bummer. Maybe you should move here -- and bring your kids so the enrollment at our schools will stop going down. Plus, where else in the country can you get...

PSA #3: Free Trees:
I know. You were hoping I was going to type "Free Winning Lottery Tickets". Sorry. I don't have a hook-up like that. But, if you live in LA, the Los Angeles Department of Water and Power will give you free trees to plant in your yard. Never mind that they're gonna jack up your light bill 23% and your water bill by 10%. At least you'll have a nice shady tree to plant in your yard as a gift for forking even more of your hard earned moolah!

To get the tree, all you have to do is take a 20 minute online tree care class. Seriously easy, so go get yourself some trees.

And since you're already in the mood to save something...

PSA #4: Go Clean a Beach
I promise that after you do it, you will want to slap the next person you see throwing a cigarette butt on the ground. I know from personal experience because I've done three beach clean-ups. They were sponsored by Heal the Bay and I took my 3rd graders out to Dockweiler State Beach to pick up trash. When you do stuff like that, you think about the environment in a totally different way. So now, every third Saturday, Heal the Bay picks the dirtiest area beach and sponsors a clean up. You can head out to Redondo Beach this Saturday and put in some time. They provide all the supplies for you so all you have to do is put your back into it from 10 am to noon.

You say you're into saving something but afraid of upping your skin cancer ante?

PSA #4: Save the Los Angeles Public Library
While our mayor, Mr. Villaraigosa has been hamming it up in the national media and getting out the Latino vote with Hillary Clinton, our city budget has been going to hell in a hand basket.

Case in point, the Los Angeles Public Library is so cash-strapped that they stopped buying new books back in February and they started canceling periodicals and database subscriptions. Oh, and say your local neighborhood branch in the hood is craptastic and doesn't have half the books that the nice branch in Los Feliz does, on July 1st you'll have to pay a dollar a book to get the tome you need sent to your branch. (See, I use words like "tome". I really am elite, n'est-ce pas?)

What can you do to stop this travesty of literary justice? At the very least, go to the Save the LAPL website and click on the link there to send a letter to Mayor Villaraigosa. We need to let him and the rest of his city hall buddies know that this ain't gonna fly. Plus, you'll feel like a rock star because you'll be contributing to literacy and preventing the masses from obtaining hair weaves, kissing trashy looking women and wearing Ed Hardy t-shirts all the time!

I seriously would love to get Bret Michaels a different hairstylist and makeup artist but unfortunately, I can't pay it forward like that. Instead, I'll participate in the...

PSA #5: Pay It Forward Exchange
Okay, okay. All you non-Southern California peeps are feeling left out. Sooo, I have to give you the opportunity to get a nice gift from me, courtesy of the Pay It Forward Exchange. I read about it on Anali's awesome blog like three weeks ago and signed up to participate. Here's the way it works:

"I will send a handmade gift to the first 3 people who leave a comment on my blog requesting to join this PIF exchange. I don’t know what that gift will be yet and you may not receive it tomorrow or next week, but you will receive it within 365 days, that is my promise! The only thing you have to do in return is pay it forward by making the same promise on your blog."

Unfortunately, I don't know how to make much of anything. I'm just not very crafty like that. That means I know what the handmade gift from me will probably be.

Hint: Put "Depeche Mode" + "my favorite songs" + "burned onto a CD" + "just for you" together into a sentence.

And that's about it for our Tax Day edition of Public Service Announcements. Earth Day is coming up so I have even more PSAs for you (and a cool giveaway from these lovely folks) coming up!


Brianna said…
YES! I love free things and gifts in the mail. yay for me doing my blog reading at this precise time of day and for moving to arizona. :)
Liz Dwyer said…
Cool that you're down to pay it forward! You'll be the happy recipient of a custom Depeche Mode cd!

You should give out a list of workout tips!
Tafari said…
I am bitter & elite & need a damn gun!

Fuck a free tree, give me some gas coupons!!!

"tome" definitions next time for your ignorant elitists friends. LOL

Sad to know your sister is gone but happy you are back talking to your real family!!!

Lisa Johnson said…
Love the PSAs! I'm so glad that my taxes are done. And that's great that you're paying it forward! And speaking of that, can you please email me your address, so that I can pay YOU forward. :D
Jen said…
Love the PSAs! The bit about the library sucks to the nth degree. I honestly don't know what I would do without the library. I really, really don't. Would it help if I wrote a letter from MI??
Liz Dwyer said…
LOL, yes, back to hanging out with my real family here in Blog Land. I wish I had some gas coupons to give folks but that would probably take away profits from elite oil execs and then they'd all be bitter. We can't have that, can we?

My accountant had my taxes finished two weeks ago and that's late for me. Whew, such a relief to have them finished.

I'm happy to be paying it forward. It's nice to "make" something for someone else! And I'll definitely mail you my address.

Sure thing, send in a letter from Michigan. When you click on the link it gives you a form letter and then you can add to it and submit from the site. I flipped out and wrote a treatise on this idea being morally wrong and another example of how the rich get richer --I'm sure the mayor's aides will be rubbing their eyeballs after reading it.
Ian Lidster said…
We have until April 30th to pay our taxes, but I still resent them regardless. And, the price of gas. Yours is still a bit cheaper than ours, which is truly outrageous at about $5 a gallon.
Anonymous said…
HEY, I'm bitter and I live in a marginally small town. Yay! This post was written just for me! ;)

I've seen this pay it forward thing but I couldn't figure it out. I know I'm a retard - but you're giving people a burned Depeche A la Mode CD? the first three. Then do they have to give the first three commenters a Poison A La Mode CD? My head hurts just thinking of all the 80s music shifting through the USPS.
Liz Dwyer said…
Oh wow, $5 gas for you? That's crazy but I'm sure we'll be heading there in no time at all. Oil just hit another all-time high today. Ugh.

You totally got the gift right -- I can probably fit 10 or so of my favorite DM tunes on a cd. You want one? I have two left! Or, at least it'll be a cd unless I decide to take some classes and learn how to make something else.
Liz Dwyer said…
Oh and Poison -- at least Bret Michaels is leaving the crazy spandex in the '80s! ;)

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