Plan of Attack! NyQuil + Garlic = Defeating the Cold Virus

I'm sick.

I'd take a picture of myself to prove that this is not just some hypochondriac episode but I don't want to scare you. Although we are rolling up on Halloween, you might not be quite ready to witness this fright-fest.

Instead you get the photo of my friend, NyQuil.

Why did I get sick? Is it because I haven't hosed down my bathroom sink with Lysol? Is it because I don't wash my hands enough? No, I think it must be the extremes in temperature here in Los Angeles that really did me in. This past week, we went from a high of 65 degrees on Sunday to a high of 90 on Friday.

Ah, yes, Friday morning...was it only yesterday that I woke up feeling like death warmed over and then went ahead and got in my car and drove out to a school in Huntington Park?

Yes, I suppose it was only yesterday that I proceeded to sneeze so frequently that people stopped saying, "God Bless You" and probably started thinking, "Bitch, go home before you make me sick!" -- Go home? Nah, I needed to save the world and so I still worked till 6 pm.

Big mistake.

By the time I got home, I was dragging and my bouncing children were not particularly sympathetic.

"You look like the Corpse Bride, Mommy!" my eldest said.
"Mommy the Corpse Bride!" my youngest repeated.

Great. I look like a dead character from a Tim Burton movie.

"I'm not feeling so good." I replied.

"You don't feel good, Mommy? Ok, well do you want to throw this football with me? I'm sure that will make you feel better."

A day later, memories of barely being able to toss the football seem so far away. I'm reclining on the couch, propped up by some pillows, typing while a thermometer is sticking out of my mouth. Wait, the thermometer just beeped and it reads 101.4. This is progress! We're down from our afternoon high of 103!

I'm also eating my share of chopped up garlic. Last night, I woke up at around 2:30 in the morning because I couldn't breathe, even though I'd already downed NyQuil. I ate a couple of cloves of garlic and ta-da! Miracle of miracles! About ten minutes later, I could breathe again!

I may have burned a hole in my stomach, but at least I could breathe.

Think about it: If it wards off vampires, surely garlic can kill a pesky cold virus. That logic makes sense, doesn't it? It does to me, but for all the doubting Thomases out there, the science behind it is that garlic kills a cold because of it's antimicrobial properties.

It'll also kill your sex life --unless the person you're trying to have sex with is turned on by that sensual garlicky smell. But if you can't breathe and you have tissues hanging out of your nostrils, do you really care about sex anyway?

In fact, if you do not want to have sex anymore, you could just pretend you have a cold and then eat tons of garlic to keep folks away.

Hmm. I'm going to go eat some more garlic and ponder that.


Anonymous said…
aw, sympathy for the corpse bride...thanks for the garlic tip both for curing the cold and the sex life (haha)...hope your feeling better soon.

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