Having the Sex Talk

I'm sitting here watching Robin Hood Prince of Thieves with Mr. T and there's a part where one of the villagers gives birth to a baby. The helpful Saracen--played by Morgan Freeman--delivers the baby. It's a pretty PG birth scene, but they do show a slimy, sorta bloody baby.

Mr. T asks, "Did we come out all covered in blood like that?"

"Why yes, you did."

"Eww. That's gross."

"Well, yeah, but that's what happens when babies are born." And that's not the half of it, but he's only 8 so we don't need to get into all the graphic details.

"It makes me glad I'm not a woman so I don't have to have a bloody baby come out of ME," said Mr. T.

"Well, you will have to be extra loving and helpful to your wife when she has one coming out." Or else. 

"Eww. That means I'd have to have IT. Ewwwww. Gross." He started writhing in his chair and making disgusted faces.

I was genuinely confused. "No, you don't give birth to the baby. Your wife does."

"EWW! I KNOW THAT! But ewwwww. I'd have to have IT."

I was still confused. He already knows the mom has the baby. "Have what?"

"I can't tell you."

"Just tell me."

"It's gross. I can't. And I'm never having a wife."

"You don't want a wife? Of course you want a wife."

"No I don't. I'm not doing that."

"But you don't have the baby! Your wife does!" 

"FINE! I'd have to have S-E-X to have a baby. That's gross." And then, in a small voice, "And I don't think I'll like it. And my wife might not like it either because then she'll have to have the gross bloody baby."

"Oh, really," I laughed. "I think she'll like it."

"Well I won't," he declared. "I'm never having sex." And then he shook his fist at me. "EVER."

Clearly, as open and upfront--and age appropriate--about sex as I am with Mr. T, there is still a looong way to go. In the meantime, I don't think I can stop laughing.


Sundry said…
Aw! Too funny! I read this out loud to my hubs. Even the parrot laughed. :D
Liz Dwyer said…
I'm still chuckling. He's been on a roll lately. He got up this morning--morning is very loosely defined because he only got up 20 minutes ago--and announced, "My penis is sweaty." What do I possibly say to that?
Marlo said…
That's so funny. I think a lot of kids this age find the thought horrifying. My girls were asking for a baby brother the other day. One of them stopped dead and said, "Oh wait, mommy and daddy would have to do that thing. Eww. Forget it, we don't need a baby." That was the end of that little discussion.

Happy New Year!
Liz Dwyer said…
Ha! That is funny. I think it's the age, too. It's just gross to them. I'm sure all that will change soon enough and then I'll be longing for these days. And Happy New Year to you and yours!

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