Can We Leave This Whore House?

Parenting Lesson #1738: Never assume that what you think your child is talking about, is actually what he or she is talking about.

A little bit before 7 p.m. on Friday night my seven year-old, Mr. T, approached my desk at my office. Never mind why I was still at work at 7 p.m. on a Friday night-or why my kids were there-just know that Mr. T rolled up next to my desk while I was talking to one of my co-workers, and blurted out, "Mom, can we leave this whore house?"

Leave this, er, what? Whore house? What in the world?

I expect the child to beg to go to Baskin Robbins. Or maybe say that he's bored. Never in a million years did I anticipate hearing him say anything about a whore house.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see my colleague get this total, "Oh snap, Mr. T's in big trouble," look on his face.

I'll admit, I was sooo embarrassed, like a big sign was now hanging over my head, flashing, "Warning! Bad Mom Alert. Her Child Just Said Whore House!" And said it at my JOB, no less!

Since no hole was opening to swallow me up and extricate me from the situation, and I didn't know what to say to him, I stalled for time by asking, "Where did you hear that word?"

His response was typical Mr. T. "Um, I don't know. It just came to me in my head."

Mmm hmm. Seven year old brains don't just sprout "whore house" spontaneously. So I asked another question.

"Do you know what whore house means?" The moment I asked, I regretted it. I really really didn't want to hear T give me his definition of a whore house. But he did.

"Yeah, it's a house where zombies jump out at you and try to scare you and all that stuff."

Um, huh? What? My mind went, "zombies... zombies. whore. zombies. scare. zombies. HORROR HOUSE!"

Relief. But just to be sure, I asked, "Do you mean 'horror house'?"

"Yeah, that's what I said. Whore house." He looked impatient. "Can we leave because I'm getting hungry."

I have no idea what else the child said because I was laughing so hard.

It just goes to show you that what adult ears hear is not always what the child meant.

The End.

Comments

Lisa Johnson said…
LOL! I guess we really don't know what goes through the mind of a kid! Wow!
Jameil said…
LOLOLOL! Oh chiddlers!
nick said…
American pronunciation can be confusing! It must have a been a relief to discover what he really said....
K. Rock said…
Phew! For a minute ther I thought you did administrative work in a brothel. LOL! Cute story.
Liz Dwyer said…
Carolyn,
I really really needed the laugh at that point in the evening. SO glad for moments like this one, and glad to share.

Lisa,
No, we sure don't! (sometimes I'm glad we don't!)

Mer,
I'm STILL laughing about this. I think when he's totally grown up, I'll be sharing this with people.

Jameil,
Right? He is a total cheeseball!

Nick,
It was QUITE a relief! Whew, I can't tell you how much of a relief it was!

K.Rock,
Hahaha! Good one!
Anonymous said…
Love it! This story reminded me of the time my mom took my sister and I to Harold's (the chicken place), and my sister looked at the vending machine and said, "Mommy, can I have some diarrhea?" She meant "Diet Rite". :-P
Bronwyn said…
My friend's stepdaughter looked at her dad one day and said "Daddy, you're a whore." She meant horror. I'm not sure why he was a horror, but it was a relief to everyone.
Bronwyn said…
My friend's stepdaughter looked at her dad one day and said "Daddy, you're a whore." She meant horror. I'm not sure why he was a horror, but it was a relief to everyone.
Liz Dwyer said…
Claudia,
Me too! ;)

Jasmin,
Oh gosh, that is funny! Diet Rite wasn't exactly the best tasting soda, but still!

B,
OK, so it's not just MY kid confusing the two! Whew!
Chayah said…
omg this had me in friggen tears i was laughing so hard!
Dandy Gaines said…
Wow... I am working while the rest of the office is closed that this brought me to tears! Kids are so amazing! We spend all this time teaching them and out pops a jewel that you couldn't possibly teach without getting the "bad mother" side-eye.

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