What's For Sale At The Video Store

One of the side effects of the new year is that everybody's rent goes up. Whether you can afford it or not, recession or not, your landlord says, "Happy New Year... now fork over more cash!"

The rent increases don't merely affect apartment dwellers like me. They also impact all the mom and pop shops... and my local video store. I found out that it would be closing its doors due to the landlord raising the rent a super ridiculous amount. I was sorry to hear this, but in the meantime, I continued renting movies.

Today I needed to return a Bionicle DVD that my kids have enjoyed over the past couple of days of Winter Break, and when I went to take it back, I discovered that today was the last day the store would be open.

It was, oddly enough, packed... full of men.

In fact, it was a pretty good-sized crowd of men of all colors, shapes and sizes. The atmosphere in there was just electric, like the sort of scene you'd expect to go down at Comic-Con or at the Apple store if iPhones suddenly went on sale for $50.

Something was certainly for sale: DVDs. Guys were carrying stacks of them the length of my arm up to the counter. I decided to go check out what was available in the bins and crates in the center of the store. Who knew, I might find a copy of "Being John Malkovich" on sale.

Sadly enough, there were no copies of "Being John Malkovich" available, but I'm pretty sure I saw "Doing John Malkovich"!

Sure, I always knew there was a little "secret" upstairs room where the porn stash was kept. It's just that it's sort of easy to forget about the porn room's existence when you're on the street level, trying to help your children decide between renting a Justice League video for the 7,428,953rd time and trying something new, like the Bionicle movie.

Come to think of it, I'm glad I didn't take my boys with me to return the film. I was thisclose to letting my youngest roll along, but at the last minute, I turned him down.

Seriously, as awkward and uncomfortable as it was to be the only woman in a crowd of lecherous men who were positively drooling over porno DVDs, it could have been a LOT worse if my son had gotten ahold of some of those DVD covers. (Imagining the horror right now... EEK!)

So, despite the great sales, on my very last visit to the place that's been my local video store for the last nine years, I came home empty-handed. I think I'm definitely OK with that.


Kathy Rogers said…
"...you're spit out into a ditch on the side of the New Jersey Turnpike."

Loved that movie.
Jen said…
I'm glad your son stayed home, too. If he's anything like C, that would have scarred him for a long, long time.

C is 15 and a half and still finds that stuff creepy when he's run into it.

And I'm glad.
Anonymous said…
Yes, lucky you didn't take your boys with you. How would you have explained all these crazed, sex-obsessed guys grabbing at all their porny DVDs? Of course it never occurs to them in their warped thrill-seeking that impressionable youngsters might come on the scene.
Anonymous said…
No other movies were on sale? It appears that your local video store was more porn hub than you may think. And the fact that the word was out and doezens of men were buying in bulk says something, but I'm not sure what.
sippinwineman said…
Your oldest son wouldn't have been traumatized had he gone with you. These things will eventually need to be spoken.

I've never known any straight 15 y.o. male to find a naked woman "creepy". He might have played it cool. Choosing the response that he PRESUMED you wanted.

Your youngest? I think the worse-case scenario would have been more embarrassing to you.
"Hey Ma! LOOK!!" lol

I think your sons would've been safe from post-traumatic-stress disorder or even the Thousand-yard-stare.
Liz Dwyer said…
I loved it too. I really should own a copy.

Oh yes, he would've been traumatized. A lot of porno covers are pretty explicit and I can't even imagine him seeing that. Heck, I get a little traumatized from them!

Yeah, the whole gang of guys drooling over porn dvds is really weird. I could've done without it!

I know they've had movies on sale all month but I haven't really paid attention, have been in a hurry or else my husband's been the one to run over there. I guess they saved all the porn for last? I'm not sure what it says either... that they're too dumb to find it online for free?

My oldest is only seven so yeah, I think he would've been pretty bothered by it. The youngest... I can just see him going to school tomorrow and telling his teacher ALL about it. AAGH!
Saving Ryan's Privates is one of the best porn titles ever. I was wondering if there's a porn spoof of 24 yet.
I have to say at least porno titles are creative. ha.
Anonymous said…
Los Angelista,
Ah, the wonderful subject of porn and perversion. We are so inundated with it all, there is no escaping. No fear (or really, lots of fear) your two sons with be directly and specifically confronted with the matter sooner than later now.
I think of all the rationalizations I’ve heard and read about porn, and the part that escapes me is the complete incongruity of how you’d argue its “zero-to-minimal” effect on a person’s viewpoint, feelings and actions. Yeah right. Like what we feed our soul on has little effect on us. Guess that’s why companies spend billions on advertising, because, hey, what we see and think about Never effects us, right? I’m sure what every girl wants is a guy conditioned by porn to think in very selfish patterns of what he wants and to view her as about 3 orifices for his personal pleasure. Good for the relationship.
Get ready for it with your boys. Mine our in the teen years and we’ve been going over this for awhile now. Males, as you know, are usually worse about these things, so I’ve been discussing this with my son for some time, the ‘pre-emptive, weapons-of-mass-destruction’ approach. And got blindsided.
Someone hadn’t covered their tracks in time on the computer (it’s out in the open and you bet your booty I check), and I found the “trail of evidence” leading to a porn conviction. I calmly talked to my son about it. He’s like ‘huh?’. Turns out it wasn’t him. It was his little sister. She was all prepared to let him take the fall. She was developing her own interests. Told you my girl was a hand-full and a half.
She’ll be the death of me yet, lol.
Liz Dwyer said…
LOL, that's a hilarious title. Oh my goodness. That's very funny. There must be spoofs of 24 and Heroes too. Just think, there's a whole lot they could do with the whole "Save the Cheerleader" thing. Eww! ;)

I'll give them that... they are definitely creative! "Hi, Mom, I know I moved to LA to be an actress and I am... I'm in a movie called...well, it's got a really creative title!" Oh goodness, this town!

Your girl was the one looking at it??? Wowzer! I'll bet that threw you, didn't it? I can definitely see how the pre-emptive thing is very needed because otherwise... it is EVERYWHERE, especially in my neck of the woods. I don't want them seeing women in that light, just as things to be used purely for physical pleasure. Sigh, I wish it was easier to keep them innocent of all this.
Anonymous said…
"Doing John Malkovich" he he.

"Arma-get-it-on" He he.
Liz Dwyer said…
LOL, yes, there are some creative titles out there, that's for sure!

Popular Posts