Getting Out Of What You Want Me To Do

Even though I like to think of myself as extroverted, sometimes the weekend comes and I just want to hang out in my house with my family. I don't want to go anywhere. I don't want to see anybody. I don't want to come to your party. I don't want to go see your friend's band. I don't want to do anything.

I become quite anti-social.

Like right now, it's a bit after 2:00 in the afternoon and I don't want to do anything with my Friday night but come home, order some red curry with tofu from Leela Thai, and read a nice thick book. It's been the kind of day where I want to put a movie on for the kids the minute they walk in the house so they won't bug me. And then when that movie's over, I'm going to put them to bed early and start reading my book again.

The hard thing is that people who know me sometimes don't seem to be able to accept that I would love to come over but I really don't feel like it. At all. It's terrible but I've sometimes found myself making up random excuses about why I can't go to a party, show, hang out...whatever.

Why can't I just say, "Thanks but not tonight," and not be harassed with a, "Oh come on. It'll be fun!"

Of course, how nice is it to know that people really want the pleasure of my company. Usually I go. Usually I have a decent time. But there's a part of me that wishes I didn't have to.

Do you ever feel this way too?


Jen said…
Yup. And I think it's gotten worse for me as I've gotten older. It's along those lines of, "I'm a grown-up and if I feel like staying home and reading, just let me!"

I've gotten to the "it does sound like fun, but I just can't do that right now."

I hope you get to enjoy some solitude or your book.
Liz Dwyer said…
I am so looking forward to eating a good dinner and just chilling out. I really need it.

People I know ask me, "Is everything okay? Why don't you want to come out? Are you mad at me? Are you upset about something?" Um, no! I just want to stay home and lounge on my sofa!
Unknown said…
I'm with you and Jen!!
Monday's Child said…
man I just wrote a long comment and lost it. I¡m going to test this one first before I write again
Monday's Child said…
ok it worked.. here goes...

I have the same problem!!! I also had a different version of the same problem cos although I don't have a family here, my urban family (friends) love to hang out at my place and sometimes I just want to chill with my book or go to bed early... Luckily I have them well trained so nobody thinks any less of me if I say good night and disappear, leaving them to keep hangin out in my living room until whatever hour they please :-) It's a good system!!!!
Monday's Child said…
ooops and I also said...

hey are you fasting? it looks like it from your twitter thing (which i don't really understand) anyway, I'm fasting to and it's 17.49 here less than an hour to go and I am soo hungry tooo :-)

But however hungry I get, I love the Fast!!!!

I also love reading your blog by the way which I may have never mentionned... oh and sorry for what has now turned into 3 posts!!
Liz Dwyer said…,
I had a lovely time hanging out at home. It's been so relaxing and I'm glad I haven't been anywhere.

Monday's Child,
I hate when I respond to comments and then they go into a black hole. Ah, blogger is so temperamental sometimes and I'm glad you gave sharing your thoughts another go. That is really funny that your friends hang out in your home after you've turned in for the night. That is a VERY good system! I think Los Angeles people are so used to being out somewhere instead of just hanging out at home. I blame it on the weather. And I am fasting! I have to write a post about it because I haven't yet this year.
Anonymous said…
I often feel that way, but then I'm just not a gregarious person. I like talking to small numbers of people but I panic when I'm surrounded by a roomful. I'm naturally reserved and I often get tongue-tied with complete strangers. I'd love to be the life and soul of the party but it just ain't me.
Lisa Johnson said…
I can be the same way. I do love to go out and socialize too, but overall, I love being at home relaxing, reading, listening to music, and of course baking! :D
Liz Dwyer said…
I used to listen to an audiotape called "The Art of Smalltalk" (or something like that) so I never feel too at a loss with a room full of people. It even taught me how to get away from people I'm not exactly enjoying having a conversation with.

Yes, I'm always out somewhere so I think I sometimes just need that chance to relax and not do anything. At times I feel guilty about it but I don't know why. I really shouldn't.
the last noel said…
I hear ya. Kick your feet up and just relax.
Anonymous said…
Absolutely, I do!

Fortunately I have a husband who has reminded me, time and time again, that there's no reason to feel guilty for wanting some time alone. He encourages me to be totally straightforward when I'm rejecting a social invitation. And wow, does it feel good to say, "Thanks for the invitation, but I really want some down-time tonight."
Anonymous said…
Since your at home I wonder if you could call me and let me know how come when I hit the link to Twitter it comes up so small it's impossible to read? No rush call me after you finish reading.
Nerd Girl said…
Hmmm - the older I get the less I feel the need to explain myself. I know that sounds blunt, and I really don't mean it that way, but if I'm not feeling an invitation and just want some down time, I take it. I think I've upset my husband's family - he'll decide he wants to go visiting, and I opt not to go, relishing the alone/quiet time. I putter around the house, I read, I nap, whatever. Enjoy your quiet time and don't feel the need to apologize for it - people seem to take so many things personally that aren't about them at all.
Jameil said…
girl please. don't let me get in the house after i worked all day. i'm not going NOWHERE!!
Ian Lidster said…
I 'always' feel this way, and the older I get the more I feel this way. I mean, I love people and have lots of friends, but come the evening I want to be home with my nearest and dearest and that's it.
Haute in LA said…
I feel this way without end!! It seems as if my time is never my own. When I first moved here I was depressed for about the first year b/c I didn't have a "core" group of friends and was often left either bouncing from group to group or just alone.

Now I have 3 solid groups (between sorority, community service org. and the HBCU alum clan) there is always something to do and each will feel slighted if you don't do it with them - and badger you and send text messages saying "boooooo" if you decline an offer with no "valid excuse." I long for 4 years ago when I could stay home and no one would be any the wiser (sometimes).
Liz Dwyer said…
I definitely did do a whole lot of relaxing. I'm so glad I did. I needed it.

It does feel really good to say that sometimes. I think I need to practice saying that more.

Um, I'd call you except I'm not so sure if I know who you are! But I have no idea why Twitter does that. Weird.

Nerd Girl,
People do take it personally, don't they? I think I go through phases where I almost need to retreat a little from the world so I can get my bearings back. If I don't have that, I end up feeling very brittle.

I heard that! Plus I am really behind on the book reading so I need to get my literacy game together!

But do you ever feel anti-social? The more I think about it, the more I realize I do things because I don't want to hurt people's feelings or seem anti-social. I have to get better at trusting myself or else I feel bitter about it.

Haute in LA,
I was really lonely in my first year here as well and I SO relate to what your life is now. Folks will seriously decide whether or not wanting to chill by myself is a legit reason and they do get offended.
Anonymous said…
In Portland, being a homebody is not only accepted--it's celebrated. I'm just saying...

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