Trash, Cosmotrash and Glamourous Trash...Thank God It's Friday

I don't know about you but my week's felt seriously long. Dealing with trash, bees, a lock down at my kids school yesterday afternoon right at dismissal...ugh!

If you're unfamiliar with lock downs, that's what happens when an armed bandit is running around the neighborhood. The cops call the school and tell them to lock all the doors so that no one comes inside and shoots anybody.

Helicopters were circling overhead as I sprinted to the school. Fortunately, I got to there right when they were about to shut the doors so I got locked inside instead of outside.

We were locked up for a good twenty minutes before the "all clear" was given. I went and got my son who wanted to know if I'd seen the bad guys. Um, no. Fortunately not. Of course, on our way home we strolled our way past trash and bee central -- and suddenly, I heard a voice behind me. It was the assistant principal at the school and he was talking to someone about getting everything cleaned up! Whoo hoo! Is that good news or what? See, all y'all who checked the "keep dreaming" option on my poll just needed to have a little more faith.

Happy about this development, and eternally grateful to Alejandra in Eric Garcetti's office, I came home and got to talking to a friend who suggested that I take that Myers Briggs personality test over again. She wanted to see how my personality's changed since I've been working from home and being the neighborhood vigilante. Last year, I was an INFP - an "Introverted Intuitive Feeling Perceiving" person. This meant that I was supposedly a "healer" type. And my, "tranquil, reserved exterior masks a passionate inner life". I could also find the good in anyone and devote myself selflessly to a cause.

I guess all that's over since I'm now an ISFP , an "Introverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving" person. I've also switched from being a "healer" type to being an "artisan" type. Now I'm lighthearted, easygoing and completely in tune with all my senses. One site told me that essentially, I've gone from being Mother Teresa's apprentice to being Jacqueline Onassis. I guess that's a good thing. But, then again, yet another place said that this is the "crackpot" personality. Great.

Or maybe someone is trying to turn me into a crackpot. For example, did you know that the October issue of Glamour magazine is it's "1st annual figure flattery issue"?

Yeah, I didn't know that either until a copy of the 340 page glossy mysteriously arrived in my mailbox yesterday. My name and address are on the label, but I have not subscribed.

Perhaps it's a gift from someone? Yeah, someone who wants to turn me into a dumb bimbo! Someone who thinks I need to learn, "101 Ways to Dress Your Body Better" and, "39 Sexy Things To Do With Your Hair".

I'll admit, in my efforts to get bees removed and trash cleaned up around my neighborhood, I have probably been slacking in the hot, sexy hair department. Yes, maybe the owner of the corner store down the hill is sick of seeing me with my hair slicked back into a granny bun and so decided to gift me with a subscription.

Or maybe someone somehow found out about the bowl of Breyer's Triple Chocolate ice cream that I ate the other night and now thinks I need to brush up on, "The Secret Reasons Women Gain Weight and How to Stop". Or maybe someone figured I needed to lighten up a bit and read all about, "The Guys Who Can't Stop Fantasizing About You".

Really, are women supposed to care about stupid crap like this? Just imagine, if I was focused so much on fantasies and the, "12 Things No One Ever Tells You About Sex," then there might not be people cleaning up the mess by my son's school right now.

**Update: It must have been wishful thinking on my part. I just came back from the school and nothing's cleaned. But they put some pesticide on the tree where the bees came out. Oh, and my son's teacher only got paid $10 because LAUSD screwed up the checks. Nothing like working for a whole month and then getting paid $10!**

So yes, after all this "trash" I think I'm going curl up on my couch tonight, watch some movies and order some red curry with tofu from my favorite Thai restaurant in LA, Leela Thai.


I'll leave you with a song that's appropriate given the week I've had. I used to have quite a lovely collection of techno records. One of them, "Cosmotrash", was by an artist called Trashman. I have fond memories of dancing to this back in '92/'93 at the old Kaboom nightclub in Chicago. Unfortunately, someone stole the record from me in '96 and I've never been able to get another copy. So, imagine my surprise at finding it on YouTube last night! And isn't it a wonderful thing that I'm tech savvy enough to know how to rip the audio?

Take a listen - don't be scared, it's a great record to dance to. It's a very Friday night record. Back in the day I used to speed it up considerably on my turntables. Hmm...I wonder what my personality type was back then?


Jameil said…
i need more words w/my techno like baltimore club music. i'm an ENFJ. Extroverted Intuitive Feeling Judging. "The Giver."
Liz Dwyer said…
I'm not surprised you're extroverted! It totally shows. :) I always like to think of myself as extroverted, but I'm really not.

I do all kinds of techno, trance, house, tech-house, electro, dubstep, drum-n-bass, name it. Words/no words -- it just has to have a good beat!
I am INTP and I don't think that's changed in the past 25 years, regardless of how much trash I encounter. Keep up the good work there in your little corner of the universe!
Anonymous said…
I say you add the mysterious copy of Cosmo to the pile of trash that you called 311 to remove. If you hurry you may make it before the sanitation department comes.

I'm afraid of personality tests. Afraid that it will simply say a**hole. But perhaps I'll set aside fear in the name of science.

BTW - I had a long week too. Ugh. Luckily I'm off for Columbus Day.
Liz Dwyer said…
You're so consistent over the years! I think mine has changed a lot since I first took this. I can remember it being something different about five years ago, but I don't remember what it was back then.

And I think I'm probably going to have another go-round of complaints to the city. I'm not giving up!

Seriously! It wouldn't be a bad idea to throw the magazine in the garbage. But you know what's weird? I got a copy of Rolling Stone yesterday as well! I haven't subscribed to that one either!

The bad thing about personality tests is that then people label themselves and others -- it can be limiting.
They've been recycling the same articles in Glamour, Cosmo, and all the other man-catching mags for about 40 years.

Wouldn't you think that women had progressed beyond that by now?

Breyer's Triple Chocolate is a painless way to die, but there is nothing secret about the fact that if you eat enough ice cream and live, you will gain weight.
Liz Dwyer said…
It really is the same articles month after month! I'd think it'd get boring. Or maybe that's their secret - people get bored and stop reading that trash, but there's always a new generation of young women ready to figure out how to be "irresistible".

And if I could find a way to make an ice cream that tastes that good but doesn't make you gain weight, I bet I'd be richer than Bill Gates and Oprah combined.
Anonymous said…
I used to live with someone who subscribed to Cosmo and after a while I felt myself getting dumber from reading it. I ended up reading a lot of serious magazines to make up for it.
Jameil said…
also.. you can send your free subscriptions to me!! lol. i had to hate on glamour b/c of their editorial asst. or whoever she was who said afros and dreds and all those "political" hairstyles are a "don't" for the workplace. i was HOT!!
Liz Dwyer said…
It's so true that those magazines make you dumber. They change the way you think about yourself and those around you. And they're cheap if you subscribe. I can get a whole year of Glamour for $12! But if I want the New Yorker, it's $47!

Maybe it's just a fluke and Glamour won't come next month. And I remember about that hair thing. They're totally out of pocket for that "political" hairstyles mess, but it's not surprising because that's how a whole lot of folks think.
Anonymous said…
I used to read Cosmo and Glamour thinking I would learn some secrets about real women. Boy, was I in for a disappointment.
Anonymous said…
Best song I have heard in a long time. Wonder what type of personality I have now. Thank you for sharing.
Liz Dwyer said…
Yeah, I love this song. So glad I found it online.

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