Friendship and Fate

One of my many faults is that I don't always keep up with people I care about. It's not that I stop thinking about them. Indeed, I often wonder where they are and, more importantly, who they are now. But, I moved, they moved, we have kids -and those kids have activities to be driven to-, addresses seem to disappear, emails change, drama happens -- and before I knew it, people who were a part of my life are no longer around.

On the one hand, as ridiculously superstitious as it is, I believe we meet the people we do for a particular reason. They're there to help us learn something about ourselves or the world. And maybe they're in our lives for some pre-ordained amount of time.

On the other hand, I believe we have free will and we decide who we want to make the effort to stay in touch with. That's why I don't have a problem with Facebook and MySpace. Pointless time wasters? Maybe. But the truth is that because of both I've managed to catch up with quite a few folks I've lost touch with over the years.

One of the friends I've connected with again, Jane, fortunately has a job that sometimes brings her here to LA. I saw her last Friday for the first time in a dozen years.

When we first connected on Facebook, it was funny for me to remember how when we were younger and I'd have my moments where I felt like an ugly duckling, I wanted to be Jane.

Sure, folks can say that everyone should just want to be themselves, and I can definitely say that now. But when you feel like a gangly, geeky preteen and teen, it's easy to want to be someone else. And to me, Jane always had such style, grace and personal warmth. She was creative, boys liked her a whole lot, and I remember her having the coolest pair of red jeans when we were teenagers. Don't ask why I remember random things like those jeans, but I do.

A dozen years later, she still has all those qualities. But now, she also has greater wisdom and maturity. I was so happy to give her a hug, and listen to what's been going on in her life, what her hopes and dreams are, the things that she's thinking about, and what moves her spiritually. She said some things I definitely needed to hear and it was easy to share some of what's in my heart. Indeed, our conversation picked up as if we've been talking a couple times a week. And she's generous enough to claim to have forgotten about the time I ate tons of oranges and then threw up in her bedroom.

So yes, it made me think about how important it is to keep up with the people who mean the most to me. It's something I need to commit to doing. I can't leave everything to fate.