'50 Shades of Grey' Is Ruining Reading in Public
Waiting in lines and sitting in doctor's offices has always been more bearable with a book to read. But now if someone sitting around me asks what I'm reading--which used to be a great conversation starter about cool books--I am immediately on guard. Asking about my book is just an "in" since what they really want to know is if I've read 50 Shades of Grey because they're positively DYING to talk about it.
I first realized this had become a problem back in May after an official at the passport renewal office in San Diego observed me stick my book in my bag so I could pull out my paperwork. She gave me her most confidential tone, "Have you read 50 Shades of Grey yet?"
"Uh, no. I haven't gotten to that one."
I couldn't believe homegirl had actually asked about it, but that was just the beginning. She proceeded to wax poetic about Shades as she reviewed my documents and identification. Then she wanted to know if I'd seen the SNL skit about the book.
"Yeah, it was pretty funny," I replied.
"You really DO need a vibrator when you read it," she informed me as her eyes glazed over. Well alrighty then. When you're at the mercy of a passport office official, you just play along by nodding and smiling but wow, I swear she was reliving some Shades scene, and her, ahem, experience with it.
Then, a couple of weeks ago I was in a cafe reading a compilation of short scary stories. Sure enough, a woman asked what I was reading. I told her that I was reading The Fall of the House of Usher. She looked at me blankly and so I said, "You know, the story by Edgar Allan Poe. She'd never heard of Edgar Allan Poe. Strike one.
I told her a bit about Poe, and summarized the plot of the story. When I got to the part about the sister being entombed alive, she says, "Sooo...like...OMG, it's like a bondage thing like in 50 Shades of Grey!"
Strike two and three. Noooo ma'am.
With strangers I usually keep to myself how angry it makes me that the heffa who wrote 50 Shades has racked up over $20 million in sales while so many talented writers are struggling. WHO KNEW all folks had to do was write stuff like, "What was I thinking? Why did I let him do that to me? I wanted the dark, to explore how bad it could be – but it’s too dark for me. I cannot do this. Yet, this is what he does, this is how he gets his kicks," and they could sell millions of copies.
I wonder how the screenplay writers for this one--yep, there's going to be a 50 Shades movie--plan to handle this.
I know, don't hate the player, hate the game. Sex sells and the "author" capitalized on it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. Or want to read it.
It's not because I'm a prude or anti-sex, either. I just despise craptastic writing--unless it's me spouting b.s. on this blog. But no one is gonna publish this blog and act lie this is a real book. (At least, not yet.)
Also on my "I HATE 50 Shades" list, the insane depictions of sex and love. As this review from The Rumpus notes:
"The books are, essentially, a detailed primer for how to successfully engage in a controlling, abusive relationship. The trilogy represents the darkest kind of fairy tale, one where controlling, obsessive, and borderline abusive tendencies are made to seem intensely desirable by offering the reader big heaping spoonfuls of sweet, sweet sex sugar to make the medicine go down."This is the book folks keep suggesting I read. Excuse me while I go projectile vomit.
And there's no end in sight. On Friday I went to the doctor to get my bum ankle checked out again. While I was waiting I pulled out my phone instead of my book--and the receptionist was STILL all, "You look like you could use a book to read. You should read 50 Shades of Grey."
So basically, 50 Shades of Grey has ruined everything in life and the author is laughing all the way to the bank.