The Drill Is No Thrill

I'm in pain.
My mouth hurts.

And that's my poem for the day.

Just kidding. Sort of.

If you're a newcomer to this blog, you may not know that prior to this year, I never had a cavity. Well, even if you read this every day, it's not like you remember obscure details from my life...

Anyway, I used to feel SO superior when I could boast, "Nope. I've never had a cavity in my entire life." Never ever. Not even an itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny yellow polka-dot bikini one.

All that's over now thanks to the pesky x-rays revealing my SIX special friends hiding out between my teeth. Yeah, those little back stabbing cavities...They set up shop in my mouth unbeknownst to me, and what kind of thanks do I get? They snitched to the x-ray machine and got me sentenced to time with a drill!

Believe me, dental floss and Listerine have become my new BFFs.

Yeah, OW. I'm telling the truth about this pain thing. After today's drill and kill (the cavities) session, I absolutely disagree with Three Days Grace and their song, aptly titled "Pain". 3DG must not have had any cavities filled recently if they're singing, "Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all". Me, I prefer feeling nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zero.

I want no pain when I'm at the dentist.

I'm telling you, if I felt that drill even a teeny tiny bit, I was raising my hand and acquiring additional shots of lidocaine to the jaw. I got so numb that I couldn't even feel anything from my right ear all the way to my lips. And who knew that applying lipstick to numb lips was so impossible???

I found that I sort of like the numb feeling. It's actually rather pleasant. I rather felt like I could go to sleep and leave my insomnia behind me...but instead I got in my car and drove from Beverly Hills to downtown LA. I don't really know exactly how I got to my office, but I guess "The Human Mapquest" went on autopilot because I didn't crash.

I know that scientifically, anything with that "caine" ending is a sibling to our friend it's probably a good thing that I've turned down cocaine on the few times it's been offered to me. I'd probably be hooked, tout de suite. And if nothing I'm writing right now is making sense and you think I've lost it, hey, I can blame it on the dental d.r.u.g.s.

Truly, I'm not myself. One, I haven't been able to talk very much for most of the day. And a pox on you if know me and you're actually happy about this. Two, I'm also pretty hungry. Unfortunately, I can't open my mouth wide enough to get a forkful of anything past my lips. A couple of people have suggested that this may be a good way for me to lose weight. Yeah, um, thanks.

Some people really know how to kick a sista when she's down...

Ok, I'm going to go listen to the most appropriate song for the moment, by the Pet Shop Boys. Can't wait till I can actually open my mouth to sing along, "What have I, what have I, what have I done to deserve this?"


I was going to say I feel your pain, but you wouldn't believe me.

I never had a cavity until a month after my first child was born. It was a shock and definitely put a crimp in my smugness.

The one time I tried coke, I hated it. I thought I was choking and got panicky. I've never been back. And its dental relative is nasty, too, in my opinion. I have bitten myself deeply more than once because I couldn't feel my lips .

I hope you feel a lot better soon, Liz. Sorry your teeth aren't virgins anymore.
Anonymous said…
I come from a long line of folk with bad teeth. I've had a double-digit number of cavities filled in my short life, and five root canals. I can do six cavities standing on my head. *smile*
Liz Dwyer said…
I know my mom got cavities after each of her pregnancies and my dad has had lots of root canals so I guess I lucked out to be as old as I am and be cavity free. I do wish I could have let someone else feel my pain! ;0 Thankfully, the teeth are definitely feeling better now and I can eat again!

If getting a cavity filled hurt this much, I can't even imagine the pain of a root canal. Can't you get those sealants or is it really genetic?
As the oldest male on my father's side with all my own teeth, I can sympathize with your plight. We have some sort of freaky tooth defect. My own brother had dentures by the time he was 30.

Anyway, just popping by to remind you and your readers about the GBA(s)FC #2, which kicks off May 1st over on my blog. Hope to see you there.

Sorry to post off-topic.
West said…
This post scares me, right from jump, so I had to back away before finishing it.

I've still got some dental stuff to square away and it ain't gonna be pretty.
I'm on my way to brush and floss and gurgle right this minute. Thanks for the cautionary tale my dear.
Liz Dwyer said…
Hey Mr. Moon,
Wow! You lucked out to not get the dentures...and I was just wondering yesterday if people even have to get those anymore. And definitely looking forward to el contesto so thanks for the reminder!

Be brave, young jedi. And may the force be with you...cause I had tears in my eyes afterwards when the anesthetic wore off. Just think how it would have been back in the "good ole days" --when we would have both been slaves and had no access to dental care. That thought alone makes me "suck it up" just a bit.

The pain has scared me into action but I'll admit I'm becoming a bit obsessed now. I've taken to carrying floss around with me in my bag.

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