Why I Don't Wear Blue Button-Down Shirts

I was wandering around again in the Vons on Sunset last night (hey, it's air conditioned in there!) and voila, I spotted two scientologists in the grocery store!

We know that scientologists actually do eat. Who can forget the picture of Kirstie Alley chowing down in the In and Out parking lot? Then there were the claims in Star magazine that Kirstie could eat an entire pie from House of Pies by herself. Those are good pies so I can't really blame her for that. And the strawberry cheesecake is something else! Of course, now Kirstie no longer warms the booths at House of Pies because she is on tv, constantly asking us, "Have you called Jenny yet?" My response? "No, beeyotch. Go away!"

Still, I kinda wanted to follow the scientolgists around to see what they had in their shopping cart. Does L. Ron Hubbard allow the consumption of Golden Oreos and baby carrots? Does that Xenu fellow prefer Diet Coke or Coke Zero? My curiousity went unsatisfied. I resisted the temptation to check out their cart and instead, checked out their outfits.

If you are really smart, you are asking yourself, "How the heck did you know those people were scientologists?"

They weren't jumping on couches. They weren't selling Jenny Craig on TV. And they weren't belting out "I Feel For You" on the 2006 BET Awards.

Despite popular opinion, most scientologists aren't celebrities. They are your average everyday Angelenos. No, that's not true. The average Angeleno isn't a cult member with a really bad sense of fashion. You see, I knew the young man and the young woman in the Vons were scientologists because they were in the scientologist outfit: Light blue, long-sleeved, button-down oxford shirt. Navy blue pants. Conservative hair-do.

If you drive west on Fountain Avenue, just past Vermont, you'll spot lots of scientologists, all in their matching blue outfits, walking to and fro the various scientology buildings around there. I think the outfit has something to do with the L.Ron's obsession with the sea/naval stuff. I read that they call some of the folks sea orgs. Yes. You read that correctly.

So, you see why it's impossible for me to wear the blue shirt like theirs, don't you? If I lived in any other city, I'd possibly do it. But here, someone may mistake me for one of their members and try out some electric shock memory reducer or something.

And blogging here would probably not be allowed by Xenu's rules.


Sundry said…
Thanks for the laughs. I'm enjoying your blog.

I used to live near the corner of Edgemont and Fountain. House of Pies. Scientologists. Skylight Books back when it was Chatterton's. (Not that it's not a GREAT place now.)

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