Seven Letters I Need to Mail

I love writing letters. In fact, here's a few I need to mail:

1) Dear Beyonce,

I hate your new song, "Girls (Who Run the World)". First of all, the title sounds like it should be on a Willow Smith EP--Actually, did you sign up for the Willow Smith School of Repetition because you probably say the word "girls" 2,729 times in the song? Second of all, the track is a stinker. Let's hope it's just an old leaked demo because for real, that mess is headache city. And, is it wrong of me to keep hoping that you'll try a new look and abandon the blond weaves? Sure, it's your hair, but after all these years with the same I Am The Lion Queen, Hear Me Roar look...yawn.

2) Dear City of Los Angeles,

Please fix the foot-deep craters in the westbound right lane of Melrose Avenue between Vermont and Western. At rush hour no one can drive in the right lane because if they do, they'll lose a wheel.

3) Dear White Folks Who Think You're "Down" Because You Know a Couple of Black People,

You're not. Not by any stretch of the imagination.

4) Dear Kate and William,

Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials...but I probably won't be waking up early to watch you tie the knot. Sorry if I'm the one American on the planet that doesn't care about your royal wedding, but I'm just not that into you.

5) Dear Disneyland,

I want to run your new Tinkerbell Half Marathon. I just keep thinking of how awesome the medal is surely going to be. Hmm... I need to find $120 for the registration. Have y'all ever considered race layaway?

6) Dear Chair in My Living Room,

One of these days I'll stop falling asleep while sitting on you. Last night I was really tired...and you're really comfy. But oww, my neck!

7) Dear Clone,

Get it together and get your behind over to my house, pronto. There are dishes in the sink and the coffee table needs dusting. I also have some things I'd like you to write for me because I am behind!


Los Angelista


K. Rock said…
1. Girl yes! That song sounds like a loud plate of garbage. I like B, but I dunno know about this...
4. Def not the only one. I know its coming up but I dont know when it is. I will only knowits over because people wont be talking about it anymore.
7. I need mine to get crackin' too.
Tafari said…
Im so sick of hearing about that wedding. Last time I checked, this country was free of British rule, why do so many people give a fuck about that wedding?
gradmommy said…
I haven't heard the song yet, and now can't find it (your link isn't working anymore.) But the twitter peeps are acting like its the best thing since "Get Me Bodied" (that was my jam.) It doesn't seem to me that it could be all her hair. If it is, it's seriously damaged. It always looks a mess.

The wedding - I cannot understand why people care so much. I can only think that its because its Princess Diana's son, and this country had a love affair with her. And as much as we try to act as if we are a class-less society, we are not - we are obsessed with the rich and famous. Will and Kate fit into that perfectly. And I have to admit - I woke up early to watch Princes Di's funeral. This will be much happier :)
nick said…
Yes, like whiteys know all about black people because they've bumped into one or two in their time! A bit like men knowing all about women because they've met a couple. Mind you, even men who've met a thousand women still don't seem to know much about them....
Dirty Red said…
I am loving this post...
Especially the part about those 2 English people getting married. Really America? In this land where you can get married by Elvis and get divorced 20 minutes later by Goofy?

America this is what's hot now-a-days?
Nerd Girl said…
1. Agreed
3. Agreed
4. Agreed
7. Your clone and my clone are probably somewhere hanging out together. I need mine to get on the ball as well!
T said…
I'm with you on this one. My husband seems to think that Beyonce will hit the ball out of the park with this one, but beg to defer.
Daniel said…
Los Angelista,
At #3:
Glad you remember me!

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