Why I Order In

I went to House of Pies tonight with the family. It's been awhile since all four of us have been there and now I remember why.

Before I had kids, I never viewed a bottle of Tabasco sitting on a restaurant table as a possible weapon of mass destruction. However, when it's clutched between Toussaint's grimy two-and-a-half year old paws, the Tabasco morphs into a potential flaming-hot missile . I guess I should cut Toussy some slack because he is in the midst of the terrible twos. He's curious about the world and seems to just gravitate to the most dangerous thing around. I will admit, I do have a bit of curiousity myself, mainly around what would actually happen if he were to get the bottle open and taste it, but having been vomited on last week by this same two-year-old, I'm not exactly eager to really find out.

I'm trying to talk to my husband, "So, what did your mom say on the phone?"
"Nothing." Takes another bite of turkey burger.
"Oh, well what's she doing for Easter?" Work with me here, Elarryo. Work with me!
"Nothing. My brother went to North Carolina." Sip of Coke. Rather, a slurp of Coke. Bite of burger. Chew. Chew.
O-kaay then!

That brings us to my eldest, Mr. Olinga. You see, Olinga is five and likes to ask questions. When he wasn't lecturing Toussaint about, "That red stuff's gonna burn you, Agrabah," Olinga was busy pointing at the gay couple sharing a plate of food and feeding each other off of it. His index finger seemed a million miles long as it pointed across the table. His voice, well, if you spend time with any small child, you know they can project like Patti LaBelle on Broadway.

"Mommy, why are those two men feeding each other?"
I tried to shush him but he wasn't going for it. "But why? Do they only have one fork?"
I told him that it's not polite to point and he needs to mind his own business.
"But I can see them."

Broken record technique: Repeat until you get the desired behavior. He resumed eating his pancakes and narrating Toussaint's every move.

And I wished I had just stayed home.


Anonymous said…
LOL!! This is great. I know I only have one to worry about, but public embarrasment is the best isn't it??

Popular Posts