Soda Cans DO NOT Go In The Freezer

It goes without saying that you have to really know the character of the person you're going to marry before you marry them, or else your marriage is going to be absolute hell. I definitely knew before I married my husband that I could not be saying at some point in the future, "I didn't know you think women should do the dishes all the time."

I made sure he was fine with washing dishes, since I really don't enjoy doing them. In fact, he washes them most of the time.

I've been told by several other married ladies that I am sooo lucky that my husband helps out around the house because most men don't. Thank goodness I didn't marry "most men". The marriage would have been over in a hot second.

Clearly, dishwashing is not everything to everybody. Many celebrity marriages are over in the blink of an eye, even though the parties involved have the moolah to pay for a housekeeper to load the dishwasher. If you ever watched Newlyweds and the celebrated, "Is this chicken or tuna?" scene, you knew Nick was probably not wondering if he was going to have to wash Jessica's fork. No, he looked like he was really seeing her for the first time and wasn't too thrilled. Like the rest of us, he was probably asking himself, "Why is she acting so dumb?"

Or maybe there's something else that ended their marriage, something we haven't thought about at all. Maybe Jessica found out that Nick puts soda cans in the freezer!

There are many things my husband does that are very different from me. He likes to watch cartoons all the time. He also belts out R. Kelly tunes at the top of his lungs. He has a hard time hanging his clothes up. He is also a bit too pessimistic. Sometimes it gets extremely annoying, especially the clothes on the floor. But, it is what it is and I deal with it because I knew these things about him before we got married.

I did not know he missed the science class that talks about how cold things expand.

Every few days I open the freezer and discover a soda can inside. Most of the time, I discover the can before it explodes. Sometimes I don't. You see, he puts the can in the freezer and then forgets about it. Then, in the middle of doing something else, like watching cartoons, he remembers. He runs to the freezer and opens it up to exclaim, "Oh Shit! My coke is all over everything!"

Yes, slushy Coca-Cola is all over everything because the liquid expanded as it cooled, causing the can to explode!

I'm left to wonder, does he secretly enjoy cleaning soda slush off of popsicle boxes and bags of frozen stir-fry vegetables? I mean, why not just open the can, put ice cubes into a glass, pour the soda into the glass and let it sit for a few moments until it's nice and cool?

I came home today and discovered the soda slush all over everything in the freezer.

In a few short days, I will have been married for seven years. It sounds like a long time but it's really not that long. We have our ups and our downs like anybody else, but I have to tell you, this soda can thing, it is driving me CRAZY!

If you are saying to yourself, "Aw Liz, come on! Give the guy a break. He washes the dishes for chrissakes!" Let me ask you, could you live with seven years of soda cans exploding in your freezer?


Anonymous said…
Some of the vilest men in the world have been great at "washing up the dishes". Think of catholic priests who have abused young people, they seem like ideal citizens, but for some, we know the truth of how we humans can mask our devious ways/intentions. With a smile, with kindness, with a uniform, with a proclamation of goodness, righteousness and morality.These proclaimers, these so called good people are the ones we have to watch carefully for within their heart lies deceit.Thats what makes it so much worse when we find out what they have done. How could they? I didnt see it coming, he was the perfect gent, etc etc.
We are intuitive beings but we dont always tune into this special element. We ignore our fears our doubts and put it down to something else like insecurity. However, if you tune in to yourself and your partner, you will find the answer and it wont necessarily be the answer you was looking for! Which may mean we are better off not testing or making this examination? It depends what you want out of life?
The questions you pose for others are questions that you pose for yourself! Deep within you have a doubt a real clear nagging doubt but you wont challenge it because your existence/life is on the outside perfect, (well okish). Supposing your right, supposing your wrong?
Its one strange conundrum i wouldnt want to be you!
You are beautiful, every last drop of you is pure 100% beauty,a shining example of Gods blissfull mercy, grace and love.
Husbands all around the world have got to do more than the washing up, he has to literally pardon the pun, come clean! There is no excuse for infidelity or emotional unfaithfulness. Not in Gods peoples relationships, not in pure relationships!
Can i apologise for losing the plot slightly, i wanted to say one thing but i ended up saying something else which i am not sure is relevant! Hope it is?
I love your spirit, forever!
Deep respect,from
Liz Dwyer said…
I'm enjoying a ice cold Coke Zero and I see my musings have sparked your thoughts. Here's another question for you...are we ever truly anonymous?
Anonymous said…
Anonimity- there is no such thing. I can see everything you can see, everything, we can all see everything and anything. Atunement allows us to do so.
However, its what we dont choose to see which is the issue here. It is a defense mechanism, a reality of our present existence.
You know me and i know you, we have known each other forever. We will always know each other. Furthermore, we both know certain things but under the current order of things we are duty bound, we unfortunately cannot interact in the ways that we wish we could.
Fortunately, the Creator is good, wise and pure. My message for you is simple... keep being you, for being you is good, any doubts are only natural, even if someone was to deceive you it woudnt matter, you are above it all, also foregiveness is all!
Whats this gotta do with soda cans and freezers? You know! Others may not.
With love and respect, sorry if i offend in anyway, that is not my intention!
Liz Dwyer said…
How true you are...of course I am not offended.
Anonymous said…
Keep up the good work, i find your blog a most fascinating insight into the life and times of people in your part of the world, in the 21st century.
You are recording heritage and history the impact of which one doesnt fully grasp at this time. Is it not really nourishing when one picks up a book about a 18th century negro slave and you get to read about there everyday musings? I find that truly fascinating or am i in the minority?
What did they eat? What hobbies or pastimes did they have? How did they think? What role did humour play in their lives? What were their political opinions? What were their viewpoints on sex?
There are a whole host of questions that you are answering for future generations without fully realising or maybe you already realise?
People think that we are now liberated but we have similar problems to our ancestors. Will it be any different in a hundred years time?
Anyway, i digress once again! C u next lifetime!
Liz Dwyer said…
Digression? You are more of a big picture thinker in this respect than I am. I actually had not thought of this blog through a historical perspective even though I also get fascinated by the everyday musings of the past.

Hmm...I have to believe it will be different in the future. I have to believe that within my lifetime and yours, the conversations we have around race, class, gender equity, and the progress of our souls will change. Even if some do not want it, are afraid of it, change comes inexorably upon us.

Despite the insight this space may provide into what my slice of life is like, I sometimes think there will be a day when I will print out all these postings and then delete this entire blog, erasing it into the mists of fond memory.
Anonymous said…
Your writing is very good i love it, but your best work may be when you take up the topic of sex! Write about it in your style and the whole world will want to read it! Trust me!
You are sexually unrepressed if thats a word and you are also highly erotic, provocative, sensual, sensitive and most importanly educative.
You teach people with your unique perspective the art of true love, feelings and affection.
Have you ever read an erotic book and thought that you could do miles better? Yes, exactly, you know you can!
On your blog you should insert an adult erotica section which is pure and true. Who said that we cannot have good clean wholesome erotica from a feminine perspective. I know some people will say that a few people already do it but i would say not in the way that you would do it! The humor and sensitivity and where your coming from is a whole different world. I cannot wait to read it and i bet that you already have parts written in your mind.
Have i digressed again?
Bye the way i am not who you think i am for i am who you shoudnt know who i am!
Liz Dwyer said…
I've read alot of books and thought I could do one or two steps better. But, erotica? Come on! The very suggestion makes me think I need to definitely be one step closer to deleting this entire blog! All the things I think about and you think I excel at erotica? Maybe my writing isn't what I think it is.

There are plenty of folks out in the world that are writing prolifically about sex on their blogs and I sincerely do not intend to join their ranks. I also am not quite certain how one constructs "pure" erotica. It seems the genre is based on fantasies and people read it because they are looking for something to help them get off. To me there are far more interesting, and more critical, things in the world to write about.

On another note, do you mean I don't know who you are in a figurative sense, as in, do we ever really know each other or in a literal sense, as in, you're a complete stranger? My sister is a police officer and she would say that this is the moment when I've acquired some odd stalker that has tracked down where I live and is waiting to break into my house, "reveal" themselves to me, and force me to sit down at the computer and write erotica in this space.

Solution: Perhaps I should change my comment settings so that anonymous comments are not allowed.
Anonymous said…
Erotica? Crack smokers abound on planet earth.
Anonymous said…
Where does erotica start and romance end? Not erotica of the porno side but erotica of the romantic side. They say sex sells! Isnt it interesting? Cultural differences intrigue. Sexuality is interesting, people want to read about it. Is the essence of writing not writing what you want to write but writing knowing what the public want, knowing what sells?
The topic of sex needs to be reclaimed from the perverted and corrupt. We need people to express the loving side of love not the seedy side. It will make money and entertain and educate. Why cant we celebrate all aspects of our being without condemnation or guilt?
You cannot ignore it but you can explore it and check the positive feedback you get. Not all erotica romantic writers or suggestions are negative. Furthtermore, not all anonymous bloggers are stalkers or undesirable entities!
Liz Dwyer said…
Ah, Anonymous commenter, didn't somebody say that the difference between pornography and erotica is lighting? It's an aesthetic difference that's so subjective, depending on personal morals and opinion.

This makes me think about how in high school I was voted most likely to get rich writing romance novels. I always wondered why because didn't read romances or write them in high school. I was always writing something though and had lots of imagination. Is romance writing what I want to be known for?

In any case, romance is not just about sex and although I'm not against writing about sex and I don't think there's anything inherently shameful or perverse about sex, I do hope I never stoop to the level of writing about sex merely to boost book sales.

As for anonymity and stalkers, of course not all anonymous people are stalkers. But you said you aren't who I think you are. Which begs the question, who do you think I think you are and who are you really?
Anonymous said…
I am your brother/sister, your friend. I really dig your writing and would love to see it go big. The world would benefit in some way from sharing your perspective. Please dont be offended by my criticsms of you or your works. I am on your side, i want you to succeed. We wont agree on everything which is a good thing but we will always be mates. I wont tell you who i am cos you may not even know me, anyway what does it matter?
I could coach you to become a world wide reknowned writer! How to coach the mind and have the kind of success you deserve!
If you want to take me up on the offer let me know quickly because a new phase in my life is about to happen and i may not be around to communicate in this way. Its all to do with planetary changes/movements if you get my drift!
Dont worry about this and that, supposin you dont know me? And supposin you do? What difference does it make?
Close your eyes, think of me. See me, touch me, smell me, yes it is me. Dont doubt, dont ever doubt. This is outthere in space in history, ipso facto!
But let me remain Mr Anonymous, so that i can have a poetic and artistic license to say what i could not ordinarily say to you. You are like a Censor. You censor what people say to you. Rules regulations, constraints, thepast, proprieties, etiquette, etc. Now, if people could communicate with you anonymously you would get some weird and wonderful feedback. People do not want to upset you! Imagine if we got all our feedback from a box of anonymous suggestions
people would say what they really wanted to say without fear of any comebacks. What would your peeps say to you?
Sorry, i have digressed again. I wish i could speak to you right now and try to explain what i mean.
Anonymously yours!
Liz Dwyer said…
I didn't think you were criticizing me, just sharing your opinion. I probably censor my own thoughts more than I censor the things other people say to me. Certainly, there are some things I prefer not to discuss in public (and a blog is public) or with strangers, but that doesn't mean I don't talk about those things at some point or time with someone.

Perhaps that's the danger of blogs: you think you know me, but you are only getting a snippet of my reality. Ah, Mr. Anonymous, I am an open book in some ways, but I'm also intensely private. Plus, you must know that all fiction writers are also liars. How would you know if my views are actually what I say they are?

You ask what my friends would say to me if they had the freedom to do so...well, you are assuming they don't have the freedom to do so. Perhaps you are right. Maybe they are all truly afraid of me and so they never come right out with it. If that's the case, are they truly friends?
Anonymous said…
Hmmm, you are an excellent public debator, perhaps your true vocation was/is Politics?
A thousand apologies for my previous posting, i didnt mean to come over in a way that questioned your friends loyalty, i meant to say that perhaps we are all like that, people i know want to love me, they want to put their arms around me and give me a big hug and tell me its all right everythings gonna be ok, dont worry! But i wont allow anybody to do so which in a way censors what they say or dont say. They know that i am sensitive.Anyway i am sure that you will have a great support network of friends and family.Furthermore, i dont think i know you because i know i know you paradoxically speaking!
With your blog you educate, stimulate, inform and entertain- you are a natural born writer and communicator.
Alas, i am retiring from this line of discourse with your beautiful self.
I have to move on from this very public social intercourse thing we have going on!
Censored by our very own souls, friends, family and beliefs!
Deep observations, messages, hopes, fears, strange familiarities, attractions, yearnings, common bonds and more.
Good fortune on your journey, may happiness and good health be yours.
Liz Dwyer said…
Politics? I thought my true calling was erotica? can I combine the two?

Oh, that just made me laugh! I think I take myself and life a bit too seriously sometimes, and for some reason, you remind me that I shouldn't. Your apology although unnecessary, is, of course, accepted. This public discourse we've had, I've thoroughly enjoyed it. There are obviously folks who read this blog but never leave comments, and you took a risk and said what was on your mind. Thank you for that.

I needed some response, some feedback, even though I didn't realize that I truly desired it. Most of the time, I feel I'm writing into a vacuum. I only added the counter a year ago so I'd even know if someone other than myself clicked on this space.

You should keep sharing your thoughts, even if I do sometimes misunderstand. Perhaps our true meanings and intents get lost in translation? Make your commenting retirement like a Michael Jordan retirement.

The blessings of the half-black, half-Irish back to you.
Anonymous said…
Great Article! Thank You!
Anonymous said…
Thanks to author! I like articles like this, very interesting.
Anonymous said…
nice blog!Nice information
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