Nick,There are definitely a whole lot of badly beh...

tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8010473.post-77049332606665524262008-05-09T13:38:00.000-07:002008-05-09T13:38:00.000-07:002008-05-09T13:38:00.000-07:00Nick,There are definitely a whole lot of badly beh...Nick, There are definitely a whole lot of badly behaved kids running around these days. Maybe people are shocked by my sons because they are just hit over the head with so many bad acting kids period. Restaurant behavior is a definitely problem. Half the time the parents have bad table manners themselves and sit up at the table talking on their cell phones or something. But sometimes I think it's parents just not recognizing when their child is tired and has had enough running around. Parents drag their kids everywhere and the kids get tired and cranky. Anyway, I think black kids can misbehave just as much, but I think it's the public thing, especially when you're with your parents. Symphony, I definitely think bad parenting is the root of it all, regardless of color of culture. I also think there are cultural differences around what behavior is considered inappropriate for public, etc. Yes, in my house and the way I grew up, if you misbehave, your behavior is a total reflection on your family. And like pretty much every black person in America, I was raised to believe that if you show out in public, white folks are going to be saying, "See, look at how those black people are! That's why I think they're not as good as me!" I do think some of that sentiment is evaporating though. Another thought I had is that I read a book a couple of years ago that talked about how parental emphasis on behaving appropriately and following the rules is a lower to middle class attitude, and the upper classes emphasize more freedom, individuality, creativity and critical thinking. It's all interesting stuff, but in the meantime, my kids had BETTER behave! ;) Tasha, There's a definite difference between being raised to believe that this is your world /vs/ being raised that it's someone else's world and you have to learn to survive it and function in it and I think a lot of black children are raised with the latter viewpoint. The psychological burden of that second viewpoint and how it plays out in the real world with the mass disenfranchisement and miseducation of millions of children in crappy "urban" schools, dangerous neighborhoods with little to no green space... gosh, I could go on and on about how those boys that have that inherent sweetness and politeness in grade school, they f***ing HATE the world by the time they are old enough to see what's up. I mean, my own husband first got pulled over by the cops when he was 12 years old. You know the ole, "Is that your bike? I think you stole that bike. Where's the proof that you bought it?" His mama should NEVER have had to go get his 12 year-old self from a police station! Yeah, you can hate the world and yourself after stuff like that. Sundry, Yeah, they still have corporal punishment in schools in Texas, don't they? I definitely don't hear a lot of white folks talking about being beaten growing up. Folks must be holding out! I've been in many conversations with white friends, acquaintances, colleagues where it turns into, "My mom would never hit me, no matter what I did! That's just uncivilized!" I've always been like, yeah, right. I know some of y'all got spanked too. And then the black person in the room is holding up their arm and showing the scar where their mom burned it with an iron because they looked at her funny. Then folks walk away thinking, "I had no idea black parents were so crazy," and, "Wow, white parents are really permissive," which is SO not the point. Good parenting is good parenting and we need more of it from everybody. Anyway, good manners have totally fallen by the wayside across the board. You're right, the reality show say anything, do anything culture has soaked into the fabric of our society. There's such rampant individualism that people think they really can do whatever they want. Houseonahill.org, Okay, you totally have me tearing up here because I think about all this a whole lot and how this world just tries to stomp all the life out of our black boys. It is about love and survival. If I raise my sons to believe they are going to be looked at the same as everybody else, I do them a disservice, but it hurts my heart to have to say to my eldest, look, this is why you have to get 100% on the spelling test every single time and no, a 90% is NOT good enough. I totally believe that in the black community the physical discipline is a legacy of oppression. If you misbehave on the plantation, you could die so everybody is going to check you and make sure you get the point. Mom may burn your arm but Massa will do worse than that. And, like I said in my post, if you're Emmett Till and you go down south and act up, you die. These days, if you're just walking to school, someone might shoot you. Black kids don't even have to be acting up to get killed. All they have to do is exist. Jessalyn, What you say is very true and your biracial children are being held to a different standard. In my own experience as a biracial woman, on the one hand, I've found that some whites have been more comfortable with me because I strongly identify with my Irish heritage and don't seem as "threatening" -- or at least as long as I play by certain "rules". On the other hand, I've definitely experienced the negative assumptions that get put on black women: I'm promiscuous, loud, angry and overweight, even though I'm none of the above. As far as public spanking, the perception is that black people are violent, therefore black parents all spank, so it's not a big deal to see it. But if a white parent is spanking in public, then there must be something serious going on and it needs reporting. The contradiction to this is that I saw sooo many non-black first year teachers automatically report the minute a black child even said that their parent would spank them. Iterestingly enough, when I first started teaching, kids would try to "play" me by saying, "Please don't tell my mom because I'm going to get a spanking!" My response? "You should have thought about that before you acted up in my class." I even had a parent come up and spank her son at recess after I called and I was like, okay, that'll be the last time he ever pulls that mess in my class. And it was. That didn't mean I didn't also suggest, "Take away the playstation," as an alternative though because I did. It was a fine line but I kept in mind that there's a difference between swatting on the behind and giving your child a black eye and I kept an eagle out for all sorts of out of pocket abuse, and reported it if necessary. I still can't fully explain why I operated this way as a teacher though, especially since I personally believe spanking breaks the spirit of children. It changes them in ways that aren't good and it teaches that violence is an option for getting what you want.Los Angelistahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794296990587989214noreply@blogger.com